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Moved area and my 14 yo son is terribly unhappy

(6 Posts)
user1485974254 Wed 01-Feb-17 19:00:45

I left my violent husband the day before he started comprehensive school. After fighting to get my son out of the squallid conditions he was living in, i finally found a home for both of us a year later.
He was like a duck to water and 'appeared ' to be unfazed by what had happened. He blossomed at school despite wanting to change because there were never regular teachers.
However he had lost touch with the oong term friends during the time with his father, though he did socialiee at his new school.

As he was due to start year 9 we moved 141miles away to live with my new partner. It was a very quick relationship. The decision was entirely his. My partner had approached about it and wanted to ask my son before he asked me.
He believes my partner is great for me, but he expected a 'better' life for us all.
Now His grades at school are dropping, he never becomes involved in, doing anything or with our new family, he does nothing but sit on pc, so I asked him what is going on.
He has informed me he hates it here, hates his new school and he want it to just be him and I again.
He loves his new family and we do try activities but once I saw his grades had dropped I truly realised I need to be more concerned. Not that I wasn't but I felt that I needed to give him time as we only moved here in September.. I also thought wait for better weather, we have a lot more fun when it's not cold, though my new partner and his girls are off 'mudding it' every weekend.
I'm heartbroken to see him like this but I also feel that he could be doing more. I now have him starting a couple of clubs because he doesn't like any of the kids at his school.
He is a very bright and interesting boy but finds no one on his level.
What more can I do?

Meloncoley2 Wed 01-Feb-17 21:06:42

Starting clubs is a good idea, it will give him some thing to build on. Does he have any interests at all in any activities they do at school?

user1485974254 Wed 01-Feb-17 22:09:44

So do you feel it's a social thing or could there be other issues I need to address?

fritillery Wed 01-Feb-17 22:18:54

We have a similar problem, but not as bad as with your DS. We moved to a new area and all the other children at DC's school know each other from being at the same primary schools. They are all in cliques, and she can't find any way to break in. She is left on the outside with the one other new girl, who clings to her though they don't have much in common, which makes it harder to get to know others. Can't think what to do. She does clubs, but doesn't result in friends, though she is gregarious and easy to get on with and has lots of interests.

WankersHacksandThieves Fri 03-Feb-17 12:57:40

That's tough. Some of it might just be teenage boyness and actually nothing to do with the move. Lots of teenage boys don't want to go out doing stuff with family or go to clubs etc. Lots of them just want to sit in their rooms in peace pursuing their own interests (on-line gaming, listening to music, playing the guitar etc etc).

He may be pinning it on the move when actually it's just a natural progression for him and he now has a convenient answer for you whenever you try to talk about it.

Does he have on-line friends? My DSs (16 and 15) no longer go out to meet people, they meet up on-line. That means it really doesn't matter whether they live nearby or not. Does he have any way of reconnecting with his old friends?

CotswoldStrife Fri 03-Feb-17 13:37:59

Your DS has had a lot to cope with in a short space of time. Looking at it in school years - year 7, parents separate and he has a new school (first year of secondary). Year 8, moves in with you and has another new school. Year 9, moves miles away from home and has another new school.

I think it is unfair to say it was his decision to move - he may have been asked, but it was yours. Don't put that on him, his current situation is not his fault.

I hope he finds a kindred spirit in the clubs, if not you could speak to the Pastoral Worker in the school to see if there is any help he could access.

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