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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Anyone else dealing with 'first girlfriend' phenomenon?

17 replies

mossiemagnet · 12/12/2016 10:25

Hi oracle of parents

My 16 yr old son has his first girlf... 3 months in and he's besotted, he spends every spare minute on his phone and all their time together, part of me finds it sweet, but another part of me is feeling frustrated (here we go..) he's now spending Xmas eve with her family, and now we are all going to girlfs family on Xmas day as well, her mum bought him a advent calendar before I had chance... Everything is revolving around her family and her... Please reframe my frustrations with tales of 'it's normal' and other helpful comments - be gentle with me, any insight is genuinely great fully received!

OP posts:

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Rainbowqueeen · 12/12/2016 10:34

Well I guess you could look at it that it's nice that they are welcoming

However, I'm with you, I would find it too much too fast and putting pressure on your son to progress the relationship at a speed he might no be comfortable with or even to stay in it because of the pressure.

It would not be normal in my house! I don't know if you can do much except support your son and keep an eye on things. Let him know he can talk to you and that you will support his decisions

Make sure he is aware of being responsible for his own contraception

Good luck, it's a minefield!

JudithH · 12/12/2016 12:04

This has echoes of familiarity. My son's boyfriend's family seem besotted with HIM and apparently are much more fun to be around. They all went away to Greece at half-term, causing me anxiety because I don't have the cash lying around for these things at the moment. They paid for everything.
Son and BF are with me on Christmas eve but leaving after Midnight Mass and won't be seen until the 27th.

I've been invited to join them all for a skiing holiday at their chalet in Switzerland at Easter. I'll be saying yes this time!

SaltyBitch · 12/12/2016 12:12

We are you all going on Xmas day? That's not particularly normal.

Can completely understand why he's going. Cannot understand why you all are for a 16 year old's girlfriend of only 3 months. Send him on his own!

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 12/12/2016 12:22

All seems normal apart from you all going on xmas day - that's odd

roundandroundthehouses · 12/12/2016 12:44

Sorry, that really doesn't seem normal to me. My dd and her BF (both 15) have been going out for 7 or 8 months now and the constant messaging and being utterly besotted is exactly the same. But I've only had one proper conversation with his parents - beyond that it's just a cheery wave at pickups/dropoffs. I hadn't even intended to send them a Christmas card. In your case - Christmas Eve I could possibly understand, if you yourselves don't do anything special and they so. The advent calendar I'd be . But going on Christmas Day to the other family of a three-month teenage relationship - WTF? Why on earth did you agree to this? It sounds like this girl's family are trying to... absorb him, or something.

OzzieFem · 12/12/2016 16:26

Weird! Why would you go to a strangers home on Xmas day, even if she is your son's gf?

Dozer · 12/12/2016 16:28

Xmas day visiting is not normal.

Dozer · 12/12/2016 16:30

At 17 I got together with a bf from school about a week before Christmas: we arranged to meet for an hour on xmas day, when he arrived to pick me up my mum was very affronted that I legged it out of the door rather than inviting him in, but also relieved because out of misguided politeness she was wearing a hideous gift from her MIL, who bustled outside to introduce herself!

Good times.

misshelena · 12/12/2016 17:18

Hi OP - mom of the 16yo girlfriend here. I am afraid can't tell you that's "normal", at least not by me. 8 mo relationship, absolutely besotted with each other. In fact, I am besotted with the bf too! BUT, while the kids will be exchanging Xmas gifts prior to Xmas eve our families will be exchanging Xmas cards, and that's it!
The kids are understandably a bit "crazy" right now, but the adults should be the voice of reason making sure that they keep their perspective. When this ends (and it will), they should both be sad but still on track to reach their goals. And you don't want to be the reason or part of the reason why they either stay together too long or break up too early. So try to take yourself out of the equation. You can't control what the gf's family does, but you should be able to moderate ds and your own socializing with gf's family. Good luck and have fun! I really enjoy dd and bf's relationship so far. Just hope it doesn't end too badly for either one... both such great kids.

Peaceandl0ve · 12/12/2016 19:53

My DD is 18 her BF is 17 and they have been together for 1 year. He is at his house for christmas day, my DD will be with us. She will attend his family do on boxing day. His family is lovely but we have no relationship with his family, not even christmas cards.

After a few months, and at this tender age anything more is a bit like playing with dollies to me. Leave the kids to it.

cdtaylornats · 12/12/2016 20:47

I remember when my goddaughter broke up with her first boyfriend, she was fine her father was distraught.

mossiemagnet · 12/12/2016 21:53

We've turned down four previous invites to socialise with her family/parents so when he mentioned 'popping round' Xmas day for a few hours in the morning I thought as we'd kept saying no it would be easier to just go along with a short polite visit - I suppose I'm trying to compromise but now I am thinking this could turn into one of those regular things! And then.. Do I take them a gift? We have an exit plan for 1pm - based in Australia so Xmas day is always a bit wierd as its so hot we don't do a traditional Xmas gathering- wondered if we're too boring for him and her family have a 'proper' Xmas

OP posts:

OzzieFem · 13/12/2016 07:09

No gift. They may just want to reassure themselves your not weirdos, glue sniffers or drug runners. Personally I would not stay a couple of hours, 30 mins to 1 hour max, as they mght have more family members coming later.

mossiemagnet · 13/12/2016 08:47

Thank you all for the insight, wish I consulted before giving ds an answer, I will know for future quandaries to consult the oracle :)

OP posts:

RJnomore1 · 13/12/2016 08:49

I'd take wine or chocolates personally.

BigGreenOlives · 13/12/2016 08:51

Take a bottle of wine/fizz with you the way you would if you were dropping in on anyone.

RFHrules · 20/12/2016 20:49

Everything sounds normal except the Christmas Day thing, which sounds full-on given their ages and the newness of the relationship. If they were 18+ year olds who had been going out for a year or more, it might be less odd. That said, maybe the parents are extrovert and of the "more the merrier" variety, and you'll turn up to find every man and his dog there.

I wouldn't take a present as such, but I'd take a bottle of champagne or a homemade cake or something, just as I would if I weee calling in on a friend on Christmas Day.

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