Teenage Twin Boys - one with learning difficulties, one without. Fighting!

[Crazeeee]

They are 14 (Yr10) and at the same school.

DS1 is in the top sets at school, is in the 'in' crowd, loved by all his peers, highly thought of by teachers. We can have highly intelligent, interesting discussions at home with him. He is a bit disorganised but can eventually sort himself out. Keeps himself smart etc.

DS2 is in SEN classes and will probably not get any qualifications, very few friends - and they are of the 'problematic' variety who he has to be steered away from, lots of trouble/fights at school due to his frustration at his lds, not interested in talking about anything, very insolent and disgustingly rude (tells me to fuck off, piss off, calls DS1 a cunt etc), from the time he gets up he will start arguments, name calling with other all other DCs. He will walk about with shoe laces untied, filthy shoes/trousers/coat where he has stomped in mud, won't brush hair, has massive tantrums where he will actually roll on the floor like a toddler if he doesn't get his own way. I can't leave him alone in the same room as my 6 year old as I worry he may accidently hurt him.

For example: He has had a tantrum tonight as he wanted to go out for a walk at 10pm in a balaclava, all dressed in black to spook people out. He is obsessed with horror film characters - not that he has ever watched the films - that he searches for on You Tube. When I told him that he was not going out in the dark on his own he started jumping around the kitchen, crying and shouting. He would only stop when I told him his Dad would take him out tomorrow night and then he was obsessing about making sure he would have black clothes to wear then.

He is a nightmare and has almost driven me to the brink. I resent him massively as no matter how hard I try to help him and worry about him, he will not cooperate although I know rationally it's not his fault.

We have an older DD who has also been a nightmare through her teen years with attitude and swearing and DS2 has just soaked it up like a sponge and will recant her phrases word for word.

DS1 always used to be protective of DS2 when they were younger even though he used to constantly biff him but now he won't stand for it anymore and will lash out when DS1 calls him names or pushes him about. DS1 is 5ft10 and DS2 is 6ft1 so when they fight it is like 2 full grown men fighting and it can get very nasty and I have to get in between them.

DS1 will totally blank DS2 at school (you would not even though they were related) as DS2 has tried to embarrass him in front of his friends by calling him names and pushing him about. I know DS2 is frustrated that DS1 has friends and he doesn't.

I have considered moving DS2 schools but I know he would find the change too much to cope with and it could cause his behaviour to deteriorate further.

I know that DS1 is sometimes overlooked as too much energy goes into DS2 and that is embarrassed of his brother when their peers come up and tell him stuff that his brother has done.

Really don't know how I am going to get through the teen years and try to maintain a bond between both of them so they don't end up hating each other as adults.

Anyone else been in this situation?

[MEgirl]

Have you considered contacting Tamba to see if they can help?

[user1479574697]

I've got twins who are 20 and are very similar to yours in that one was bright, popular and articulate and the other autistic and had no friends, was bullied throughout secondary and is now in trouble with the law. If I could go back in time I would not have sent them to the same school for secondary. The secondary they went to just didn't meet his needs. Our problems have been complicated by a late autism diagnosis and therefore we couldn't have easily moved his school. If you have an ehcp for your son and can name more suitable provision do it! Do you have support from the social care team? If not then could you seek their support? Maybe an assessment to help you all understand the reasons underlying his current behaviours might help.