Lonely 15 year old

[mumandda]

Hi. Feeling pretty awful about daughters situation. She's a lovely sweet girl of 15 but she lacks confidence and isn't particularly academic but she is good at other things. She hasn't really got any proper friends just the occasional one friend she has might visit for the day. She loves all the things young girls enjoy. Make up shopping etc. But she is so lonely. At school she hangs around with girl mentioned and although she is ok,she's not really on her wavelength.She won't go to groups, she's quite self conscious and suffers with mild anxiety. She would love a kind fun friend,she has so much to give. But finds it really hard to make friends Any suggestions are welcome. Thanks. G

[Cleebope]

I don't really know how to advise that as clearly friendship cannot be forced . But I'm sure she will build in confidence as she matures. As her mum, what can you do? Maybe arrange get together soon with extended family or family friends with teenagers (male or female, some girls can make great friends with guys) or push her to invite people home more often or simple outings like to a shopping centre for the afternoon, local gym for an hour, cinema etc. Could you even contact mothers of her peers to arrange something? I used to do that with very shy DS at 15 and he never found out or he would've killed me! Other than that, the usual suggestions of taking up a hobby like a series of tennis or ice skating lessons or join a local table tennis club or after school club or local cadets? There must be something in your area. Or just do loads of mum/ daughter stuff until she eventually gets more independent.

[PhantomPringles]

I second the suggestion of joining a club. My son is in cadets and it has really increased his confidence and he has got to know lots of other teens across the county who he wouldn't have known otherwise.

[mumandda]

Thank you so much for your advice. X

[forcryinoutloud]

Sorry to hear this mum, I have a similar ish DD 14yrs, sensitive, kind, but never had many friends, usually sees no one in school holidays...
She does belong to a sports club though and I would encourage some kind of hobby/activity if possible, you can't force I know, just gently see if she is interested in anything. Or maybe some charity work? Anything on at the local church?

I am sorry I do not have much energy at the moment due to some personal issues so I hope there are others along with some more advice. Re the confidence thing I can totally empathise with that, I suggest this will improve gradually with age, do your best to support and encourage her, this is what I do with my DD, just take small steps!

Wishing you and your lovely DD all the best

[mumandda]

Thank you for advise. It's so hard bringing up kids especially if they are shy I just hope this lack of friends isn't going to carry on into adult life. X

[Cleebope]

Shy people are usually the nicest and as adults make the most loyal friends. She sounds lovely.

[Helpisathand13]

Hi, is there anything at school that could help with confidence and self esteem? They may have mentor support, head of year/community groups, clubs for drama, relaxation, dance that sort of thing. Peer mediators, student council type groups that may help with confidence. External to school I agree with others try church, youth activities, voluntary work in an area of interest ie at a playgroup, or hobby activities to meet others crafts, local arts and cultural events, theatre, swimming. My DS was quiet and shy and a lovely lad, I encouraged church volunteering, helping at a charity, joining swim club, karate, football (not all at once of course over his teens) he's now still quiet, but sociable, confident, happy and has a big friendship group, goes to 6th form, works as a volunteer and is in demand for his help. He also knows more people than me and if we are out it is him who is stopped for a chat in the street. He honestly flourished, took time and gentle introductions and encouragement. Great, lovely kids like DD will do well they just need a little nurturing to bring them out so others see what we mums see. Good luck and try not to worry, social maturity, opportunities and confidence can take time but she will get there

[Bloodybridget]

It's very hard to see your child with few friends. But it won't necessarily be like this always - someone I've known very well since she was a child had almost no friends at school, never went out, but when she went to university started making lots of friends and now has a large circle of close and supportive mates. So it turned out she was very good at friendship, it just took her longer to get started! She was probably a bit different from most of her peer group at school. Hope this is the case for your DD too.

[Seeline]

At 15 she could join the top sections of Guiding/Scouting. Rangers is just girls, and most Explorer Scout groups are mixed. they do a wide range of activities which might suit your DD if she hasn't got any particular interests/hobbies. I think such groups work well as it gives DCs a chance to meet people from outside school, who don't know them, so have a chance to present themselves in a different way, rather than the shy kid from Class10K or whatever.

[mumandda]

Thank you so much for your support and kind words. Very much appreciated. Xx

[stupid123]

I do this - contact mothers of kids peers to arrange something and kid thinks it just happened by accident!
Yeah you forcing the issue, but it is for the very best intentions :-)

Did so today and kids mood has increased 100 fold and his confidence great. Try it.

[mumandda]

Can anyone suggest groups for my girl of 16 years old she hasn't got many friends and is often lonely. So sad for her,can't bear to see her buying new clothes and just sitting in her room alone. We live in Southsea Portsmouth. Help. Please !!!

[forcryinoutloud]

Hello again, I posted back in October I see. Sorry to hear that your DD is still feeling lonely, as I said I have had plenty of worries with my DD, now 15yrs.

Please tell us, what are her interests? I think trying to have hobbies and interests are a massive help if you are essentially shy. At least then you have a focus point with some like minded people. Perhaps encourage her to reach out to where she may find some pleasant (hopefully young) people, perhaps a local church may have something on offer?

[liveoutloud]

I have exactly the same situation. My daughter is also 15, she struggles with her school, has no friends, no activity outside of school either. She is very lovely, kind and caring and a big help to me at home. She loves to hang out with me and I enjoy it. But I realize that she needs to have friends her own age. She has to get outside of the house and do normal teenage stuff. I think about her all the time and wonder what I can do but I am afraid that there is not much. We can only hope things will change.

[forcryinoutloud]

Hi liveoutloud I could have written your post too. On the positive side (it's easier to look at the positive for someone else!) she sounds lovely and she likes to hang out with you and you enjoy her company. To me this sounds a better option than a daughter who is out with 'mates' goodness knows where, doing goodness knows what and doesn't particularly get on with her mum.

Again, as I have said to the OP what is she interested in? Even though my daughter was extremely quiet, she found interests in a martial arts club. I don't know what I would have done without it tbh! the struggle with school, do you mean the work or just school life in general, the other kids and hectic environment? My DD has never really enjoyed the non-work side of things, having the friendsstruggles but I am hopeful that at college with smaller classes and subjects they have chosen there will at least be a nicer environment. I hope you perhaps feel the same and there is light at the end of the tunnel?

For you and mumandda