So.....I have a 13 DS (only child) full of anxiety (mostly about going to school) who is currently seeing CAMHS. He was a 'normal' loving boy until approx last July when seemingly overnight I lost him to the land of being a teenager. Never has the Kevin and Perry 13th birthday scene been more true!
I also have a very controlling ex who DS has literally run off to live with. Between them they both hate me and no doubt have wonderful 'lads' time together!!! The ex does an 16 mile round trip twice each day taking DS to school and collecting him again as my DS does not want to be here/with me. I won't go into the ex details, needless to say he controls everything concerning DS who thinks dad is wonderful.
DS has been with me over Easter (because dad was away) for the first time since a disastrous Christmas together . I thought all was well (although I constantly feel as though I am treading on egg shells) but he has today gone to the dark side his dad's, yet again after DS text him asking him to come and get him. At least he was here for nearly a week!! The ex spends LOTS of money on him, top end of everything, brand new lap top recently for no reason other than the old one was too slow. I can never compete with all that. But yes I admit DS is VERY spoilt!
I am at a loss as to what to do and I truly feel there is nothing more I can do. My partner and I invest our time (quite rightly) and money in trying to make him happy. This last week alone, a day out to a gaming festival (which cost £100 and we took/paid for his friend), £50 spending money, Badminton, pizza, chinese take away, money for bloody FIFA points. We have the odd time when we all laugh together too!! Shocking!
But once again today I am told by DS that I apparently hate him, I don't like him, I don't listen to him, I lie to him and I'm always shouting at him. (I don't) Today through tears he told me he hates me.
I have been very calm through all of this and reassured him that I love him, I don't hate him, I never could, I will always be here for him no matter what, if he has to tell me he hates, me then so be it etc etc.
I have to admit it is stressful him being here as we never know what mood to expect. We have come to blows each night over him being online till late. Hats off to those of you that are happy to have their teens online till when they want, I respect your decision, but I enforce a wifi off (during the holidays) at 10:30pm rule (which ends up being nearer 11pm, then he faffs around and doesn't get into bed until nearer 11:30, even then I'm pretty sure he's messaging again.) Of course he tells me all his friends are allowed up till gone 11pm and dad lets him online till midnight. But I DON'T CARE!! My house, my rules.
He hasn't wanted to go anywhere with us this week and as such my partner and I have been under house arrest since Good Friday (with the exception of the Gaming thing and badminton) He point blankly refuses to go anywhere and if I do manage to get him out he is such hard work and miserable he ruins it for us. I try to do all the things he says he does with his wonderful father but he's not interested as it's 'different' doing it with me. (going into town....ok with dad, never with me)
Last night I turned the wifi off at 11:15 pm. I do wonder if that's what bought today on??
I have cried and cried and cried over the last few months and been very depressed. Reading some of the problems on here I feel almost lucky that this is 'all I have to deal with' but, I do feel I have lost my son. I have grieved for the loss of my wonderful little boy and I am coming to terms with that, as he turns into a young adult. But this constant hatred, when I can't see what I have done wrong is devastating. We've had many heart on heart conversations during which he speaks in riddles and we get no where. He then tells me I don't listen (mostly because I don't really understand what he is saying!!)
DS is a grade A liar (like his dad) of late too which doesn't help. I've given up trying to defend myself in the huge emails I get from the ex telling me what I have done wrong each time. I realised I cared too much about defending myself to the ex. Now I DON'T CARE! God only knows what DS is saying to CAMHS!!
There are many other things that have happened in these few months but this is essentially how it is. For now I feel I need to reclaim my life and stop being so desperate to please DS. All of this effects my relationship with my partner (of 12 years) who loves my son and has been very supportive. Even he feels we can do no more. I will always reassure my son that I will be here for him!
But....Is this now just a waiting game?
Will my son ever come back to me?
Am I right to put all this to the side, as best I can and get on with my life?
Thank you to anyone who replies. x
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Givemestrenght13 · 30/03/2016 15:48
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