DS has been in relationship with a girl for last 20 months. She has a lot of problems such as self harm, bulimia, depression etc. She has very controlling parents and she in turn seems to be controlling of my son.
He is either seeing her or is texting constantly for approx. 16 hours per day. It is all he does. He is totally love struck. She also does not sleep and throughout the night is on her phone. I make him leave his phone in the lounge at night but of course he does not want to go bed and stop texting. The trouble is he gets really tired (he always has) and looks dreadful on it.
However, that's not the real problem, just an insight as to the degree of communication between them both.
In her quest for control I am a big subject of this constant communication. At every opportunity she is bad mouthing me, criticising every single thing I do and seems to be able to twist absolutely everything to make it out that whatever it is, is detrimental to my son and I am the worse parent in the world and he is some abused child. Her parents seem to enjoy joining in with the abuse towards me. Her own parents are not included in these tirades of spite. If it was something they were both doing together towards both sets of parents I could accept it more. But it is only from her towards me.
It is really getting me down. More than getting me down to be honest. I feel my son is being manipulated and used as well as all the rest.
She has totally cut me out of their lives and refuses to come to our house. All meetings take place on her territory. There are a lot of outings in which her parents are always present and controlling everything.
Sadly it does not help that my son goes along with it because he thinks this is what she wants to hear. I feel it has got out of control and goes beyond what is normal teenage slagging off of their parents.
It is causing a rift between my son and I which is exactly what it is being designed to do. She is trying to isolate him from his family and friends and despite my best efforts it is working.
My son is rather naïve and gullible and it is his first relationship. She is a lot more worldly.
I know my son is a victim too but it also upsets that he goes along with it. He could so easily stop it. It is all so unnecessary. I just get the impression that he is turning against me too and starting to believe all this venom.
I feel bullied by them all from afar and am powerless to stop it and do not how this is as I am the adult. I am worried that it is brainwashing my son. His behaviour has totally changed. He has become depressed, withdrawn and unmotivated, as he seems to be in the role of therapist to this girl. But he would dispute this.
I have tried everything. Ignoring it, pleading my case (to my son), trying to stand up for myself, being upset, being kind (sending her presents, money to go out etc) but nothing makes any difference. In fact, I would say it is getting worse. It is getting to the point that I am not coping with it. Things die down and then something happens and it all flares up again. I cannot see any end to it, Sadly, I think my son and I are going to end before he and she does.
I am in a deep depression and as I said it is causing problems with my son. I am trying not to play into her hands but I do not see how I can stop her.
I am alone and feel if there was anyone else on the scene that this would not be happening. I am just not coping with it. I have been trying to focus on my son and I but the trouble she is causing is becoming insurmountable. \i guess there is nothing I can do but how do I switch off from it and get through it? Thank you for any advice or similar stories.
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Teenagers
18 y-o DS in unhealthy relationship
17 replies
nowheretoturnto · 28/07/2015 20:59
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CamelHump ·
29/07/2015 01:18
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CamelHump ·
29/07/2015 01:20
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