End of Terms Blues

[whimsyowl]

Hi,
Is anyone else struggling with morale at the end of the school term? My ds is 13 and he has no end of 'school friend' problems, he's a kind and friendly boy but seems to have friends who ditch him at seemingly nothing and others that mess with his head. He doesn't find it really easy to make friends, so he seems to stick with the ones he's had since he was little even though they seem to treat him badly sometimes, although he has others since he started secondary school, but many of the friendships seem intertwined. He went into yr 9 last week and since then everything seems to have been turned upside down. My dd also started secondary school last week, so its been a big upheaval. I thought it was a good idea for the schools to start their new school year before the end of term, but now on reflection everyone seems tired, and its hard to cope with when you feel that way.

I have recently given up my job due to anxiety and stress and although I'm more or less back on track, I feel this last few weeks have been very challenging. Because my kids are getting upset about various issues, it has an effect. This will be my first six week holiday with them for 5 years, as I only had a few weeks off in the summer previously due to work, and I want it to be perfect, but I am worried that these friend issues will effect their holidays and I'll spend the whole time worrying for them. I thought I'd come on here and see if anyone else has some is feeling anything similar. I'm trying to stay positive but deep down I just feel like gathering them both up and getting away when they break up on Thursday. Any advise would be well received.

[Sparklingbrook]

Hi whims, it sounds like you are a bit overwhelmed by it all, and the end of term has sent you into a worry about how the next weeks will pan out.

I have a 16 year old and a 13 year old, and I know where you are coming from, although a bit further along the line IYKWIM. i remember a few years ago wondering what the heck we would do all summer, and YY to flaky friendships etc.

How are they feeling about the holidays?

[whimsyowl]

Hi, Thank you. I think you're right. I don't know how they feel about the holidays, I think I should probably ask them, I've been so wrapped up with trying to support them through these few weeks. We're going away for a few days, here and there which I've told them about, but maybe I should sit down with them and ask them to suggest things they would like to do. I feel that as long as I can give them some stability they will be able to cope with the friend issues.

[Sparklingbrook]

Yes, definitely. get them to write down anything they would like to do over the holidays. I used to say it wouldn't mean we would do every one of them but we would have a go at some. They are most likely looking forward to some down time.

I always made them do some sorting the first week too, get their rooms tidy, have a clearout, stuff to charity etc. make sure everything in their wardrobes still fitted. V therapeutic.

I notice you said you wanted it to be 'perfect' and I can really identify with that. But you can't make it perfect for them, and it isn't your job to.

Very often things just evolve, spontaneous things happen and before you know it a week, then two have passed.

[whimsyowl]

Talking to you here, I've realised I'm a bit out of practise with the long holidays :-)

I see how a big sort out is therapeutic, they probably both need it!

I'll chat with them tonight and find out how they want to spend their holidays, I'm trying to set up a business so moneys tight so I am sure we won't be able to do everything they'd like, but we'll give it a go.

I'm feeling a lot more positive about the holidays now, and less anxious about their final few days at school. :-)

[Sparklingbrook]

Yes, just try and take a day or two at a time, and find out what they think they will be doing for the next 6 weeks, and try not to take it all on yourself to provide a perfect school holiday.

There will be strops and arguments along the way and they may even be a bit bored occasionally, but that's alright and normal too.

I do totally understand where you are coming from.

All change for us this year as DS1 (16) has got himself a summer job so the entertainment side of things does reduce.

[JustDanceAddict]

I have a 13 year old who has never found it easy to make/maintain good friendships. She has two best friends within a small group, but not sure she would see the others on their own iyswim. She fell out big time with a friend earlier in the year who 'controlled' another group she was in and that has gone to sh*t now (although that girl has fallen out with many others as well, it had a detrimental effect on DD's social life). It is def a 13-year-olds responsibility to sort out their own social life though, esp if they can get around on their own, etc. It's a hard age, I found it tough myself as was trying to find my 'own people'. I did in the end, but was out of school through a youth organisation.
We are away for 2 weeks and I may even take the DCs away myself for a night or two at the end of the hols to the coast. Depends how money is, but if things are boring here it will kill half a week!! DS is 11 and is very social though so I don't really worry about him, but the week we get back from holiday a lot of people are still away.
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[whimsyowl]

I sat with the kids and they were happy to give me a list of ideas of what they would like to do, they had their own ideas, and asked me for mine. I have to say it was really good, and they seemed happy with the list. They did say they wanted some chill out days. We're sticking it up in the kitchen and if they're wondering what they want to do the list is there for ideas.

They said they were looking forward to the holidays, and I'm hoping that these last few days at school should iron out some teething problems.

Its good to hear that your 16 year old has a summer job Sparklingbrook and I agree JustDanceAddict, their social life is their responsibility.
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