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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Post college teen/house rules/bf staying

10 replies

Whatdoidonow96 · 03/07/2015 14:19

Sooo, college is over and the long summer has started! Whilst DD was at college we had a few rules in place about weeknight coming home time and bf staying ( or her at bf's) at weekends only. They seem to think it is now fine to stay at one house or the other every night, which isn't an issue (except this last week they only stayed here twice, which i dont think is fair on his parents). They can be a bit cheeky and seem to find out what dinner is on offer, roll up for dinner then go back to his! Before we start to get treated like a hotel and run into bigger problems i wonder if i need to implement a few general rules. Would it b unreasonable to want to know a day in advance if they are eating with us so i can make enough? If they don't let me know they could sort themselves out some pasta or something?

i am reading the 'get out of my life' book as we have had a few 'issues', which are probably mainly me! Dd is an only child, probably a bit spoilt and i am having a few issues accepting her being almost a grown up!

I look back and realise I have probably been overprotective and controlling, and want to try to maintain a good relationship with her, but without her taking advantage.

How does everyone else deal with having a post college aged person living at home?

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EE123 · 03/07/2015 21:40

I am sticking with the Monday-Friday no sleepover rules. We have other kids and I find it too distruptive. I ask about dinners mid-day. If they say they want to be included, they're included. If they say they they don't and they change their minds an hour before dinner, they are on their own.

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happyh0tel · 04/07/2015 11:41

How old are they ?

Go they work part time or volunteer ?

Do they do chores around the house or garden ?

What do they contribute to the household ?

What do they do to be responsible & learn about respect ?

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Whatdoidonow96 · 04/07/2015 13:10

They are both approaching 19. They both work part time, during the holidays they have about 20 hours work a week, but are able to increase their hours to pretty much full time in September. They have a few days away and festivals planned during the summer. They will each be paying their respective parents housekeeping from September onwards whilst saving to take some time out to travel. I can only speak about my daughter, and tbh she doesn't really do much around the house atm. I dont want to fall into her using the house as a glorified hotel, I think this could easily happen as she flits through, grabbing a bite to eat, leaving dirty clothes as she goes! That being said, she does like to cook and will happily do dinner for us all sometimes, and will grab any shopping on her way back from work if needed. I just really want to know what other parents consider reasonable as I've not been here before.

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Whatdoidonow96 · 04/07/2015 13:34

I should have said, the hours they are working during the holidays are what they chose, they could still do more if they want, but they have made plans with friends to have some fun and down time before some of the go off to uni. They know in September they have to join the real world with regards to work, and they are lucky that the hours are there for them to pick up in their usual part time jobs.

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NotEnoughTime · 04/07/2015 17:55

I think EE123 has given good advice with the Mon-Fri no sleeping over (perhaps every now and again break this if it is a special occasion ie birthday or Christmas) but can stay over at weekends.

I also think it would be nice if your DD (and her BF?) could cook for you on occasion but I'm not sure if that is expecting a miracle

Can I be nosey and ask when you say her BF sleeps over do you mean he sleeps in her room?

I don't have older teenagers so I'm sure I have all this to come. I wouldn't want to be draconian but I also wouldn't want a stream of different boy/girl friends in my house I like to relax with no bra and my onesie. I have a 5 year gap between my DC so feel (maybe unfairly?) that we have to have certain standards. I'm aware that makes me sound like an oldfashioned school marm so I hope you know what I mean.

Sorry, maybe I should start my own thread to garner opinion-don't want to hi jack yours.

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Whatdoidonow96 · 04/07/2015 19:19

I am sure they would cook the family dinner regularly and they would be happy to do that. With regards to staying over, yes they do sleep together. I know some people will disagree with this, but it is fine with us. They were friends for about 15 months, have been together since Christmas, he is the only boy that has ever stayed over, and she is our only child, so no awkwardness with siblings. She absolutely knows that this has not set a precedent with any future relationships and any future bf is going to have to have been on the scene quite a while before sleepovers would be allowed!

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NotEnoughTime · 04/07/2015 19:30

Thanks Whatdoidonow96 for replying. As long it is ok with you and your family then that is fine. I really don't know what I will be like when my time comes for allowing bf's/gf's staying over hopefully it won't be for another 20 years at least

I guess I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

Good luck

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Whatdoidonow96 · 04/07/2015 19:38

No problem! Nothing quite prepared me for getting up to have a wee at 2am, being met by my Dd with ' is it ok for B to stay over tonight'! His parents have been fine for a while for her to stay over any night, she knew our thoughts and always came home on a week night.

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specialsubject · 04/07/2015 20:11

the dropping dirty clothes as she goes wants sorting. Tell her to deal with her own washing. otherwise pick it up, put in a bin bag and put in the shed. Chuck if not dealt with within a week.

you'll only have to do it once...

sorry - but what a way to behave!! And yes, they should be contributing/helping much more. Good training for the long holiday when she'll be sharing accommodation and the hostel owners will be far less tolerant.

if you are happy with in-house shagging, fine, TBH that's less disruptive! I take it she is belt and braces (pill AND condom)

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Whatdoidonow96 · 04/07/2015 20:34

Thanks for your input SS, we are happy with the sleeping arrangements but am aware it would not sit comfortably with everyone. I was interested to know what other parents expect from their older teens living at home. My sentence about the washing was a bit flippant, if reminded she will sort the washing out. I just wonder what other 18/19 year olds do to help out