Holiday curfews?

[HormonalHeap]

Now exams are finished, what time is reasonable to expect my dd17 to come in at night? Tonight she has a party and I know she's getting round the issue by staying at a friend's afterwards. I know she's practically an adult but she's driving and yes I do worry when it's 2am and she hasn't rolled in!

[Floralnomad]

I've never set a time ,just asked what time they will be in by and expect them to either stick to that or let me know .

[whattodoforthebest2]

I'd expect a 17 year old to be in by 11.30pm or be texting to say why not. 2am is too late without any explanation, particularly when she's driving. It's largely to do with trust, if you can trust her to be honest about where she is and what's happening, then so much the better.

[ChillySundays]

I expect to be told what time.

At 17 I was still the taxi so consideration to whether I had work or not

[MymumisaG]

Dd16 lets me know how she's getting home and roughly what time but we don't have a curfew. I trust her and think she deserves a bit of freedom after studying hard for gcses.

[longlistofexlovers]

Just letting me know what time is good enough. I was in clubs at 17, so a 2,3,4am wouldn't bother me if I knew what her plan was.

I'm not the kind to sit up worrying though.

[titchy]

Agree no curfew here, but I expect to be told where she is and when (and how!) she plans on coming home.

If far rather she rocks in at 2am if I know where she's been than have a blanket 10pm curfew and not any idea where she is.

[EE123]

We stick with 1AM, and if late, must text or call. We have found that after 1:00 is when things start to break down. If hey are going out in London, and plan to be clubbing, we pre-arrange a car pickup so we know there is no issue with them getting home.

[yellowdaisies]

Whose car is she driving? If it's yours, couldn't you use that as a bargaining chip - ie she only gets to borrow the car if she's in by whatever time you think is reasonable.

Is she lower sixth? Don't they still have school for the next few weeks? If she's upper sixth and nearly 18 I'd be inclined to let her a bit more freedom - after all she'll be out as late as she likes very soon if she's off to Uni in the autumn. If it's just that you worry, could you ask her to text you when she's leaving the party - then if you find yourself awake and worrying you could check whether she's left. Or get a black box fitted to your car, then you can check online where it is at any time! (also reduces the insurance).

My DSC is 17 (nearly 18) and we don't tend to set time for her. She's usually in by 1am or else she stays over with a friend. I think if we tried to set earlier times she'd just stay witih friends more often. I can manage to fabricate a reason for needing the car back by the early morning though if I want to :)

[HormonalHeap]

Thanks all. Yellowdaisies she has her own car. She is at college doing a diploma but has finished for the summer. She does have a black box for insurance reasons, I wasn't aware I could check her movements online! And yes that's what's happening- since I mentioned the 1am curfew she's been staying with friends almost every night. Since she's passed her driving test I've forgotten what she looks like.

Unfortunately I can't trust her, she's shown me that very recently.

[yellowdaisies]

Sounds hard. But overall I think it's better to set fewer rules that you can actually enforce, than to set stricter ones that you can't. If she's undermining your curfew by staying out with friends, but is too old for you to forbid that, then maybe it would be better to relax the curfew. Instead you could ask her to let you know when she'll be back.

And yes, you can track exactly where a car with a black box is. If you're paying the insurance on it, then you could ask her to share the login with you, to help you not to worry about her so much.

[usualsuspect333]

Mine didn't have a curfew at 17, but did usually give me a rough idea of what time they would be home or would text to let me know if they were going to be later than expected or were staying out.

[operaha]

Sorry no curfew here either, I ask, she tells me but it's never late because she works as has left college (on nvq). she can't cope with work and being tired.
The only thing I ask is if she'a going to be late she texts, but because she works some nights until 1am or so, I can't stay up.
Rules are - lift home or taxi - no walking and there is always always a spare tenner in case she needs it and I'll never be angry at her using it.

[hellsbells99]

DD1 is 18 and I expect home for midnight unless she has told me her plans (e.g. Clubbing then 4ish, home in a taxi & friends normally come back & stay too) or she has to text if she will be later. Don't have a problem if she isn't home at midnight as long as she tells me!

[Musicaltheatremum]

I was the same. No curfew but a rule that they had to text so if I woke during the night I would know where they were. I'm in edinburgh so during the festival in August the clubs were open until 5 am. I was actually quite pleased my daughter had her wild phase whilst still at home. She's 22 and very grown up and sensible now. I still ask them to keep in touch now when they are home during the holidays even at 20 and 22, but that's just polite and good manners.

[GasLIghtShining]

My DD is 20 but will text if going to after 10:30. By that time she will know if she is going to be late and I know before I go to bed. She works funny shifts but tell us what shift she is doing so no need to text then.

We are not trying to be controlling as there is no curfew but it is just courtesy to let us know. I wouldn't go out and not tell anyone when I am coming home.

Also knows that of she needed to she can ring us at any time.

My DD drives and it is worrying and I worry about walking back to her car. Her dad is worse than me but would get me to call so I used to tell her to stay at a friend's house