When do kids learn to like their siblings?!

[MrsRossPoldark]

I have just finished yet another half hour of listening to my 3 DSs shout like idiots at each other during family dinner:

Shut up
go away
Leave me alone
I hate you
P@ss off
Stomp upstairs
Slam doors
Don't you treat my house like this!
... And repeat ad infinitum

When do I throw the bloody lot of them out & lock the doors (or do I drive off in the car to have a good scream & come back when one of them - or DH - realises I've gone?)!

Mind you they probably wouldn't notice / care.

When do they grow out of this stupid phase as it's driving me insane, esp as I have to cope with it by myself 5 nights a week whilst DH is working away from home & it doesn't stop when he's here.

[SpendSpendSpend]

Well me and my sister didnt get on till i was 25 and she was 28!!

[timetosmile]

DS, nearly 15,has begun treating his 11 year old sister like a human being again after 2 years of utter hate and contempt. This evening they sat companionably on the sofa and watched a movie and shared (SHARED) some chocolate. He even squared up to a lad who shoved her at school last week, "If you ever have a go at my sister again..."

I have no idea how this freak balance of hormones happened, but we are all enjoying it.
OP, this too will pass....but it's hard work being a constant referee.

[timetosmile]

oh, what worked for us for a while (especially when DH was away) was to ditch the 'family' dinner for a while, DD would eat in the kitchen and read, happily away from her brother's taunts, and me and big and small Dss would eat together..he had no-one to taunt. Seperate them and you take the fuel away.

[bigTillyMint]

Timetosmile's solution sounds like a goer.

It's horrible when they bicker/argue, isn't it. Sometimes even what my two say is banter drives me mad. Thankfully mine have always been very close, but they still have their moments and I always find separating them is a good option.

[MrsRossPoldark]

Timetosmile: I like that idea.

It might also solve the other problem of my not being able to cook anything they will eat. Lots of baked beans on the shopping list!

The downside is that it's the only time I get to discuss anything with them as otherwise they're either outside messing about with friends or in their rooms.

[EmpressOfJurisfiction]

Good news: DSis (5 years younger) & I are very close now. I'm even staying with her this weekend.

Bad news: We didn't start getting on until I went to university.

[coffeeslave]

I'm 38, sister is 42, we don't get on I'm afraid (sorry!)

[Andro]

Over 20 years of siblinghood and I still begrudge them the air they breath (the feeling is entirely mutual).

[angelcake20]

DB and I started being civil to each other in our late 20s when he finally grew up.

[EmpressOfJurisfiction]

I think what did it for DSis & me was no longer living in the same house. (Sorry OP, I know that's not a practical solution).

[BackforGood]

IME, when they no longer have to live with each other.

As adults, my siblings and I get along fine.

Even when ds is away at University, we all quite miss him until he comes home again and reminds us how annoying he can be to live with.

[Hels20]

Maybe never...my twin brother and I were pretty close until secondary school and the drifted apart and have carried on drifting. Now we can hardly bare to be in same room - civil at family events and that is it. It makes me sad and I know has made my mother sad, but I also harbour a grudge that my mother always favoured my brother (sounds so pathetic) and never intervened when he hit more or was verbally abusive. We are now 40.

[MothershipG]

I didn't get on with my brother until I left home, now I'm having his MIL to stay, we get on that well! (she's actually lovely so it's no big deal.)

I duplicated my family, older boy, girl 2 years later, and to my regret they don't get on either . But I do have a zero tolerance policy on violence, name calling, teasing etc. So they still don't like each other but tend to avoid or ignore each other so at least it's less annoying to me!

[PowderMum]

I have 2 DD (just under 2 years apart) now mid-late teens sometimes they get on like best friends other times it is like WW3, they have always been like this. As a family we are quick to flare up and equally quick to forget, we don't hold grudges and tell it like it is. If it is a bad time I let them get on with it, they are verbal not physical, usually with some door slamming, it is always a storm in a teacup and over by bedtime

I also have a sister 2 years younger and we are exactly the same. There is also our brother (gap 10 years) he was either our baby to play with when we were young or annoying and messing up our games, stopping us studying etc. I have a great relationship with him but it is stormy, if we go out for a day it usually goes smoothly, if we go away for a week there will usually be a flare up.

I still see my siblings often.

[mousmous]

we were close as kids = united front against parents.
but now we live apart 800miles and it's great if we see each other for 3 days or less :)

[MrsRossPoldark]

Oh dear! At least I'm not the only one I suppose! Might try eating separately for a while& see how it goes?!

[bgottalent]

Me friends with my sister? Never have been never will.

[clearsommespace]

Just out if interest, as the teen years are looming, MrsRoss (and anyone else whose teen DCs behave in a similar way) did your DCs manage civil meals when they were younger?

[Chchchchangeabout]

What coffeeslave said

[sherbetlemonD]

Me and my brother don't get on and we probably never will.

A) he's treated completely different to me. He= golden child Me= scape goat. That won't change. He's a spoilt brat at 25 and can't look past the end of his own nose most of the time. Sure you could argue he has some growing up to do but I can't see it when I look at my parents and how a like he is.

B) We are complete polar opposites. He's academic, i'm not. He will always have a high pressured job but lots of money- i'll never earn a tenth of what he will probably be earning in 5 years time. We just have nothing in common at all. It's very awkward being on my own with him if im honest.

Probably not what you want to hear OP but best to be honest.

[justaplainjane]

My two DD's 22 and 17 still don't get on very well. Things have improved since DD1 went to uni but she is moving home over summer so we will see how it goes. Hopefully DD2 will be too occupied with her boyfriend to notice.

[Gottagetmoving]

I was the 3rd child of four. I was a brat to my older sisters who were 7 and 8 years older than me. I used to tell tales on them and ruin their stuff.. I resented they were older and treated more grown up ( I was too thick to realise I would be treated more grown up when I actually got to their age!)
My younger brother and me got on ok but never see each other now, ...but my sisters are lovely and we are close,...except they have to keep reminding me I used to be a brat.

[Magmatic80]

2 years between my DSis and I. We didn't get on until we'd both gone to Uni. Having lived at least 2 hours apart for 15 years I'm probably buying a house near her. It will pass, honestly!

[scurryfunge]

At the age of 48 my sister and I are just starting to get along. She is 45. I get on very well with our brother who is 47. Living 350 miles apart improves the relationship.