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DD isn't socialising out of school - is this normal?!

(16 Posts)
Susiesue61 Sat 23-May-15 11:34:53

Dd is 13, she is sporty but very aware of make up, hair etc. she does lots of sport outside of school at weekends, and gets on well with the other girls. She also does sport at lunchtime at school and has made lots of new friends this term. She is going skiing with school next year and seems really excited about it.

However, outside school, she doesn't seem to get invited out at all. She's been to a couple of parties and had a good time, 2 others her best friends weren't going so she wouldn't go. But she is bored at weekends and would love to go shopping or to the cinema. She does go occasionally but I get the impression that everyone else is out all the time!!

Are a lot of them like Dd and at home a lot, or is she missing out?
I am not blessed with lots of friends and I don't really know about social lives!

Moresmores Sat 23-May-15 11:42:18

Maybe she needs to iniate it? Invite some friends to the cinema then back over to the house for a sleepover

Susiesue61 Sat 23-May-15 11:55:14

She has done in the past. When I suggest it now, she tends to pull a face and have a reason why not. I think some of the new friends are pally at school but then don't include her when they're meeting up. I was just trying to get a sense of whether other 13 year olds were like her or were out all the time! (As some friends DDs apparently are hmm

BeaufortBelle Sat 23-May-15 11:59:25

You've a 13 year old who likes to stay at home. I'd heave a huge sigh of relief and hope it lasts.

My 13 year old was v age appropriate - other girls in her year weren't. By the time she decided to go out she had acquired the maturity to do what they were doing without it and too early.

PottyLotty Sat 23-May-15 12:15:50

My eldest dd did go out a few times at weekends but now wont. She said that all they did was wander around the town and hang around on the park (which she said is for little children not young ladies) I'm sure your dd really isn't missing out on an exciting life that no one invited her to. It may be they just hang around and your dd has said to them in the past that it's not the sort of thing that she would want to do so they don't invite her.

It is worth her asking the girls to meet up with her at the cinema etc Sometimes the sporty children are perceived to be busy playing sports so it may not occur to them to invite her themselves.

If she is happy not going out then I wouldn't try and force her. As I said before my dd tried going out, it wasn't for her and she is currently happily sitting writing her novel on what a terrible parent I've been over the years by not buying her an i phone/i pad/anything else I refused to buy grin She's going to be a millionaire but not because of anything I've done. It's difficult being a parent sometimes confused

OccamsLadyshave Sat 23-May-15 12:53:22

grin Potty

I have a 13 yo who rarely goes out.

She used to initiate things in Primary, but won't now because "it would be awkward".

She goes to organised things - scouts, a sport club once a week, but doesn't even do socialising online. Maybe exchanges texts once every week or two. She uses instagram but doesn't ever post herself, just looks at others' posts.

I think she just finds socialising outside of school too much effort. It's much easier to hole up in her room writing fanfiction about Harry Potter.

As pp said - things could be worse. At least they are safe!

PrincessShcherbatskaya Sat 23-May-15 12:58:28

I have 15 year old dsd who has been out a lot at weekends with friends since she was 13.
My 13 year old DS goes through stages - sometimes he will be out all the time with his friends (tends to be playing football in a field, cinema, they don't hang round the shops like dsd) but he goes through phases when he likes to stay in a lot. His phases of staying in a lot tend to coincide with a new Xbox game being released!
If she's generally happy, has friends and doing sports I wouldn't worry too much. Enjoy having her around while it lasts because it won't be long before she's out all the time ��

NickiFury Sat 23-May-15 13:00:09

I was out constantly at that age, that is because I hated being at home with my scary, shouty Mum who couldn't stand to see anyone sitting down if she wasn't.

If they like being at home, that's a GOOD thing imo.

BackforGood Sat 23-May-15 13:09:06

No, I wouldn't be worried - sounds pretty normal to me.
I'm on my 3rd 13yr old, and none of them have seen friends from school, outside of school much before they got to about 16.
They have plenty to do through the activities they do - as it sounds like your dd does.

Susiesue61 Sat 23-May-15 16:01:46

Thanks Everyone. It's hard to know what is normal when you've not had a teenage girl before! Ds1 is 15 and he is pretty happy at home too, but his 2 best mates knock quite often for him.

I will stop suggesting she goes out for now and let her be smile

lljkk Sat 23-May-15 16:18:45

Join Cadets, they'll use up her spare time at weekends. wink

PooSweats84 Sat 23-May-15 16:23:38

I have a 12 yr old dd who goes through periods of spending a lot of time with a certain friend, then all of a sudden, that will stop and she spends a lot of time at home. I find it quite weird because I spent all of my free time out of the house at her age, right up until I left home, but as somebody else said up thread, it was that or be stuck at home with my over bearing mother, so I guess we should be thankful our dc's like being home alot!

BettyCatKitten Sat 23-May-15 18:24:31

When my eldest dd was that age she was out a lot and also wanted friends to sleep over etc. Be relieved that she is a home bird, I spent my dd's teen years dropping off/collecting and generally tracking her down, bloody stressful grin

2boys2girls Sat 23-May-15 18:31:34

When my oldest was 13 he never really socialised outside school only went to play tennis or footie etc , went odd party etc but was at home more than out, stayed that way until about 16 and got a girlfriend then out all time, my other son was out all time until got a girlfriend at 15 then became a old man over night and stayed in ...

MaryAndJ Thu 28-May-15 03:41:39

If she rather stay at home, then let her be. She's still very young and at least you know she's safe smile

Travelledtheworld Thu 28-May-15 19:54:04

My two are 15 and 16 and rarely go out.
They do spend a lot of time talking to their friends online though.
They seem totally happy......

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