I played the piano to a very high standard as a child, and am very grateful to my parents for paying for the lessons and reminding me to practise when I really wanted to lounge around watching television. My DH came from an impoverished background but would have LOVED to have learned the piano.
So when we had children, it seemed natural to us to arrange for them to learn the piano. DS (12 -- very nearly 13) is very intelligent and musically talented. He has been having piano lessons for some years and has enjoyed doing well in exams. However, he has to be forced to do his practice, moans constantly, is forever telling us how much he hates it and what awful parents we are. He has an exam coming up in a week's time and he really is very unprepared for it. He'll pass alright, but will definitely not get a distinction. He may be able to pull a low merit out of the bag.
Both DH and I are utterly furious with him, especially as he is generally (at the moment) rude, dismissive, and arrogant -- only occasionally letting his early delightfulness out for a spin. DH and I have questioned ourselves as to whether we are doing the right thing in making him continue.
It would be a bit of a relief for us if he gave up, but we are sure he would regret it later -- and surely it would be a terrible thing for him to learn that he will get his way if he just makes himself unpleasant enough.
This is the only thing, really, that we ask him to do. We're lucky that he is motivated at school and he has other interests that we go out of our way to support. We stump up immediately and without question for educational trips at school and are willing to consider funding optional trips, such as one to Paris next year (even though he's been there lots of times already).
DH has suggested that we get through the next week and then sit him down, tell him how very disappointed we are at the lack of effort he's put into this exam, but point out that he will continue to learn the piano. And that some of the things that he wants to do will henceforth be conditional upon his putting the work into the piano and on cooperating within the family with good grace and a pleasant manner.
Is this reasonable? Unreasonable? Terrible or good psychology?
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21 replies
FriendlyLadybird · 11/11/2014 11:20
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