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Does your teen care more about having a relationship than having a career?

(10 Posts)
paulkal Tue 05-Aug-14 07:51:30

My sister is going through quite a difficult time with her daughter who seems to be putting off the awful day of deciding what to do as a career. A year ago she seemed convinced that she wanted to be a vet and began avidly studying her science subjects in preparation for her GCSE exams. The the rot set in. Although my sister is not against her daughter having a boyfriend, since she has been in relationship (6 months) she seems to think of it as the most important thing in her life. She has put the choice of her A Level subjects on hold and keeps telling her mum that she as more important things to think about, i.e being in constant contact with her boyfriend and treating her career prospects as a very poor second. Has anyone else been through a similar experience and, if so, what did you do?

Lally112 Tue 05-Aug-14 08:52:08

It doesn't sound like she knows what she wants to do. Maybe she should put it off just now because she shouldn't study for years and years and potentially rack up thousands in debt only to change her mind at the end of it and think it wasn't the career she wanted.

niceguy2 Tue 05-Aug-14 10:43:51

If it's her first serious boyfriend then God help her.

My DD's first boyfriend was an utter nightmare. He was controlling and abusive yet she couldn't see it. We had loads of stand up rows about it and she was obsessed with spending every waking moment with him too. He was there first thing in the morning until I kicked him out last thing at night. Thankfully he slithered off eventually.

The key thing is to not lose communication and never make her feel like she will may lose your sisters support whatever she decides. I think that was one of the main reasons my DD had the courage to break it off when even she realised he was an idiot. Easier said than done I know! At one point I seriously thought I'd lose her to this dipstick as she told me she hated me and couldn't wait til she could move out and live with him! shock Not that he had a job but hey when you have love, that's all that matters right? hmm

I don't know if this will help or not. But my neighbour has a son of similar age. He's obsessed with his GF too and has dropped out of college and wants to get an apprenticeship. Except for months he's done the sum of nothing.

So out of sheer desperation my neighbour told him that he was no longer going to drive him to see his GF until he had shown real progress on the job front. Faced with the prospect of not being able to see his GF within 48 hours he'd called around loads of local businesses and secured 3 interviews! lol


paulkal Wed 06-Aug-14 08:00:34

Good point. Maybe it would be a better idea for her to rethink what she really wants to do. I will pass your advice on.

paulkal Wed 06-Aug-14 08:06:13

Thanks for your reply and the insights that came with it. I will certainly pass your observations onto my sister, especially about maintaining regular communication. She is determined to be there for her daughter and despite the drama that she will need to go through I am sure she will want to ensure that her daughter feels that she will always have the support when she needs it.

Bonsoir Wed 06-Aug-14 08:06:54

It's quite common for teenage relationships to take over their lives! We've got several friends who have despaired of their DC focusing any energy at all on their future when the present is much easier and more alluring.

paulkal Thu 07-Aug-14 07:01:26

Thanks for your reply. Yes, the relationship does seem to dominate most of her thinking. It's a case of how to maintain some sort of balance so that she is at least thinking about her career some of the time.

Fabulous46 Fri 08-Aug-14 08:30:24

My heart goes out to your sister. I've had a very similar scenario with my own daughter. She dropped out of Uni after meeting a lad. Her world revolves around him to the extent she's now moved in with him and his family. As others have said keep the communication open. That's all your sister can do really, and hope that one day she sees how detrimental her behaviour is to her future. I live in hope that my daughter sees sense before it's too late.

IlikeCowboys Fri 08-Aug-14 09:23:44

How about have a conversation asking how she would love to see this relationship progress in the future.
What kind of live does she wish for for her and her BF? Exotic holidays, weekend trips away, always doing something fancy etc etc. really try and lat it on thick about the kind of life style they could have ie- like Mark Wright and Michelle Keegan life style (hope your English and know who they are grin) rather than a too bit job and hardly any money.
Explain that with a good education comes good job prospects and the opportunity to live life to the full. This is something they both should be aiming for together.

I'd go down this route and it might just click a little wink

paulkal Mon 11-Aug-14 07:05:11

Thanks for your reply. Very helpful advice, which I will pass on.

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