Trust issues

[luanneco]

Hi, I am new to this so forgive me if something isn't right. I have 3 children the eldest is 13. She is lying all the time about anything and everything and we have no trust in her anymore. We have been checking her phone as we were worried about her behaviour. It has transpired through her phone that she has been lying to her friends and has been getting caught out and losing a lot of friendships because of her lies. When we confront her about it she gets very defensive about the fact that we are checking her phone to the point that she has now put a passcode on it. (this doesn't sit well with me) some of my friends say that I shouldn't check her phone and should allow her some privacy. I understand this of course but because the trust is gone I now cant help but check up on her all of the time. This is a vicious cycle that I don't know how to break. I have also discovered through her phone that she is talking a lot about having sex and some of the girls she used to hang around with have started calling her names because of her flirtaceous behaviour towards boys. I don't think she has acted on these sexual inuendos I have witnessed but I don't know any more. Is there anyone out there that has these issues? Should I stop checking the phone? I feel like I don't know where to turn to and it is affecting relationships within our household. Any advice would be welcomed :)

[yourlittlesecret]

She is a 13 year old child and your responsibility. You don't need to feel guilty for monitoring her phone use she hasn't yet earned the right to trust and privacy.
When DS was 13 he knew I had to have all his passwords and might check his phone or internet use at any time.
As he has got older and has earned my trust I very rarely check now.

[Gymbob]

I could have written this about my 14 yr old. She lies about absolutely everything and it has resulted in a breakdown in our relationship.

She is s slowly alienating all her peers at school and is down to one long standing friend who puts up with her. Even the boy peers have gone as she constantly harasses them over fb.

She is going to camhs and teen relate. She is self harming and sullen all of the time. She was being groomed over her phone luckily I found out six weeks into it by checking her phone.

Facebook is a total nightmare and I think she has the newly termed 'Facebook Depression'. A condition of having access to Facebook and her phone is that I have her password and I regularly log on to see what she has been up to.

In my opinion young teens do not have the life experience and maturity to keep themselves safe.

The latest thing is boys asking her to send topless photos over snap chat so I have banned it.

I am in the process of setting up new evening activities so she can meet people but she's not impressed so far.

not much help I don't think but you're certainly not on your own