Greed

[BrawToken]

My 16 year old is obsessed with money, never happy with anything I provide (or do, wear, think) and behaving like a totally ungrateful brat. I'm sick of it as no one in our family is motivated by money. Except, that is, her largely absent father who contributes little and earns a lot but makes grand financial gestures occasionally and expects to be applauded. Grrrrrr. She also attends a dance academy (state) as part of school which doesn't help.

I am a single mum and have tried so hard to instil kindness, humility and tolerance but she is horrible about others' appearances and is never appreciative of anything. I would have thought by 16 she would have some empathy for the fact I work my arse off to provide but it's never enough. She is a bottomless pit! Even my mum has had enough of her which is unreal as my mum is wonderfully tolerant and kind!

She has always been quite shy and has really changed in last year so I am pleased her confidence is increased but so sad about her shallowness, she wasn't always this way.

She has a job at weekends which has only made her attitude worse.

I just don't understand her (or like her very much). Help!

[JeanSeberg]

As hard as it is, you have to ride this one out. Ignore the comments about who has what, what she thinks she should have or whatever, learn to zone out and give non-committal 'that's nice dear' responses.

I'm sure that one day soon she will come good and be appreciative of everything you've done for and learn the value of money.

At least she has a job I guess!

[Innogen]

Tbh, I'd cut her off for a while and make her pay for everything non essential. Basically just provide travel to school, food and shelter. She'll quickly learn to be grateful with what you give.

[BrawToken]

Thanks folks, sorry for delay in replying to your kind advice! I think I will do a bit of both-no extras and nonchalant replies to the shallow stuff!
We talked last night and she was upset about my Mum being tired of her co stand demands. This morning she got up early, got my 5 year old up and let me have a long lie and made me a cuppa!
May have sunk in somewhat! Mind you the last words she uttered before going out were 'it's so unfair I can't afford a mark Jacobs bag'!

[BrawToken]

Constant

[JeanSeberg]

That sounds (mostly) positive! Keep focusing on the good stuff.

[MexicanSpringtime]

Here in Mexico all my friends kids who went to private schools became horrible entitled teenagers, but they grew out of it and became the lovely adults I would have expected knowing their parents. I think if you have the right values she will grow out of this phase.

[littlegreenlight1]

She has a job? Money sorted then! At 16, no way would I be dipping my hand in my pocket willy nilly for my dd, who in actual fact IS 16. She works on Sat and Sun, only earns £40 a week, which I think is superawesome, I dont touch her money, its hers and she manages fine.
Cut her off, just the essentials, she will learn the value of money soon.

[Bramshott]

Does it help if you try not to take her words as an accusation but just as a comment? I mean if a friend said "it's so unfair that I can't afford X" you'd just smile and sympathise wouldn't you? If you can try to disengage from it, would it help?

[ajandjjmum]

Reply 'I know, I'd love a Mulberry, but I've just never been able to get one, what with paying for our home and food etc.'.