Need to vent!

[shanelle5]

Just really getting pissed off now with my 18 year old. I know they are selfish and thoughtless at this age (and in the run up). I know its par for the course yadder yadder but FFS do I really have no choices anymore but to accept it? I feel so powerless and like I just have to put up with being made to feel like a fecking doormat as it's normal teenage behaviour!!

To be specific, she has a new (2 month) relationship and they live in each others pockets. I have not seen her alone for weeks now, they turn up here unannounced which makes me feel uncomfortable as Im sitting here my PJ's or in fact breastfeeding the LO when they just roll up, straight into the kitchen making tea/toast and a mess the just disappear into her room only to surface for more tea etc before leaving after a few day (2 or 3) to repeat the process at his house before, I assume outstaying their welcome there and so it continues!! I feel awkward in my own home, like I have to get dressed at all times incase they roll in or on the rare occasion she actually comes home alone he turns up a few hours later again, uninvited so Im forever on edge.
I mean dont get me wrong, I dont mind him staying over a few nights a week, but it would just be nice to be asked! And to have a heads up so I can be prepared etc..I would like them to wash up there own mugs, not use the last piece of bread and at least acknowledge me! I feel like Im running a B&B but without the extra £!!

My Daughter hardly speaks to me anymore unless she wants a lift/some washing/ironing/insert favour of choice here.

Im finding it really hurtful and feel taken advantage of. Am I being a complete mug and should I put my foot down/tryharder to enforce a few ground rules or am being silly, if this is just normal teen behaviour please?

Hopefully someone will have persevered through my long and probably dull post to maybe offer me a bit of a shove in either direction. Sorry, I realise I probably sound pathetic, I crap with teenagers!

[shanelle5]

Anyone?

[Slapperati]

Yes, in the nicest possible way, you are being a mug set some ground rules and stick to them!

[Slapperati]

And stop doing her washing!

[chocoluvva]

I sympathise - to a lesser extent, my 17YO DD and her BF do this at weekends.

Now I tell them (nicely) to put their dishes in the dishwasher. And I reminded DD that this is our home too and that she should be grateful that we're so welcoming to her BF of 3 months.

[whattodoforthebest2]

This sounds v familiar... My DS19 and his gf walked into my bedroom at midnight last night for a chat!! So we had a chat and then they wandered off to bed. I hadn't seen him since Tuesday (he does live here, apparently). This is becoming a regular scenario, but actually I don't mind too much as they do clear up after themselves at weekends. I stopped doing his washing several months ago and I have no comment on the fact that he doesn't seem to do it either!

It certainly takes getting used to, but in your shoes, I'd be asking them to make sure they clear up after themselves as a minimum. Stop doing her washing too. But keep trying to engage in converation with both of them - deep breaths and putting on a smile seems to work. Also chatting to the bf and making him feel welcome might encourage them both to be a bit more considerate. Good luck.

[FantaSea]

I had a similar situation with my DD17 and her bf, the kitchen left in a mess etc.. Now, if they are in the house and they start cooking and making a mess in the kitchen, I remind both of them what needs to be done before they leave - it may be a bit awkward for DD but it does get the message across. I like her bf but I expect both of them to respect the fact that this is my house too. I find speaking to both of them in a friendly but brisk tone is best.

[flow4]

What do you think would happen if you just said to DD "Please let me know if DBF is coming. It makes me feel awkward if he catches me in my pyjamas"? :)

I think we sometimes forget to just ASK teenagers to do/not do things. Then we get frustrated with them because they haven't done (or not done) whatever, and they get frustrated with us because we haven't actually asked!

As for the mess, they should be clearing up after themselves. Nag them until they do!

[teenagetantrums]

I have older teenagers, they both ask before they have friends staying over, nothing annoys me more than teenagers eating all the food and leaving me with nothing. Cant you set some some rules? I have rules that suit me, such as you can have friends on only twice a week?

[pussycatdoll]

Just wear what you want
Breast feed on the sofa
He'll soon go round to hers more !