14yo with laptop in room....ok/not ok??

[TooMuchJD]

My soon to be 14yo DS1 has received enough money at Christmas to buy himself a 11" laptop. DH & I disagree on this. Its £250 & he has saved some of his paper round wages along with Christmas gift money to afford it. We have a household laptop (older model) but he would like to buy a touchscreen one to use in his room for homework, youtube uploads (FIFA14 blogger) and a bit of gaming.
He is a reasonably sensible lad and already has internet access on his phone and ipod so we have had the internet safety/porn access/nasty people conversation & he self regulates to be offline and asleep between 9.00-9.30pm.
Hubby's argument is that it is too much money to spend on something he sees as unnecessary as he feels he should use the family laptop downstairs and not in his room. (DH is sons step parent & their relationship is not always good - hubby issues more than sons). DH has now said its up to me & DS to decide & he wants no input but we both know he will moan.

Just after input as to whether its the norm for a child of this age to have own laptop in room & if its just DH being a bit unreasonable as its stepson.

[NigellasDealer]

well it is his money tbh and i would say that many of his peers would have a laptop in their room -

[ParsleyTheLioness]

Most of my dd's friends (15) and her seem to have their own laptops. You can always put parental controls on it. I don't have a problem with it.

[TooMuchJD]

That's what I think too, his money, his choice & his responsibility to look after it. DH has moaned in the past when he has been on the laptop downstairs so to me this seemed like a sensible thing to do especially as he starts GCSE work this year & as its an up to date model it should last him a few years before it needs upgrading as long as he looks after it. If he puts it in the bank he'll probably just squander it on clothes, xbox games & crap. I thought it was a surprisingly sensible idea

[MrsBright]

It's his money.

He isnt wasting it on chocolate & crisp, he's buying something substantial that he wants/needs, and has saved up for.

I'd be bloody furious if under those circumstances I was told I couldn't buy what I wanted.

[Kleinzeit]

DS (15) has just got his own laptop. It stops him hogging my DH's computer . We have a rule that it shouldn't be in his room after bedtime.

[BananaNotPeelingWell]

Dd (15) has had a laptop since the start of secondary school for mainly homework, but it is for her use in her room. It of course has security on it.

I think the fact that your ds has saved and worked for it is fantastic. I wouldn't have a problem at all and would be very proud of him.

[ChippingInWadesIn]

I don't know any children that age that don't have their own laptop/tablet. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing - but it is the 'norm'. If he already has internet access - I'm failing to see the issue, other than your DH being a twat?!

[ParenthoodJourney]

If he's not using it into the early hours of the morning and you've had the online safety talk and he understands and he is handing in the homework he says he is using it for then I wouldn't see a problem with it. I would see it as an achievement that a 14 year old had managed to save his own money to buy something rather than letting it dwindle.

[JessMcL]

I don't see why not- and IMO, he is getting old enough to make his own "online decisions". Not to mention most fourteen year olds I know know how to bypass internet filters for porn etc.

Do what your comfortable with- I don't think you should stop him spending his money how he wants but maybe compromise- i.e. laptop comes down at lights out, we see what your doing when we ask etc.

My oldest is 16 and has had his own computer in his room since he was 13 and been allowed to do what he wants- I know he is a sensible, bright lad and knew he wouldn't mess around- and guess what- he hasn't.

You got to trust them at some point- and your son is old enough to be trusted to make his own decisions. Hell, in another 2 years he might come to you and say he is joining the army. You can't stop him doing that so a laptop 2 years earlier in comparison is nothing

[livinginawinterwonderland]

It's his money - if he wants to buy a laptop, why not? I don't see how it's anyone else's business, really.

[Timetogetup0630]

Just set clear rules about usage and stick to them.

I think if he is willingly logging off and asleep by 9.30 he is managing his own time and usage very well.

Have just bought Dd 15 her own laptop. She needs it for school work and there were three people trying to use the family computer. She is very happy with it and willingly logs off when asked and is asleep by 10 pm.

I am shocked however by the number of boys in my sons year 9 class who have computers in their bedrooms and were still on line after midnight during the school holidays. I don't think their parents have a clue what they are doing or who they are talking to.

[Claybury]

You may be able to set your wifi to turn off at set times. Ours goes off around 10pm. It's not just a matter of 'trust' we just think it's good sleep hygiene to not be able to be online late and so we removed the temptation. It also saves daily monitoring and arguments. DD15 and DS16 complain a bit but they are used to it.
Timetogetup- I agree lots of parents haven't a clue and it's not the way I would do things. They need sleep anyway !
Good for him for earning some money and saving up! He will probably look after it well.

[TeenAndTween]

How about you allow it, BUT you act as the admin for it via separate login. That way you can set up security on it, including timing out internet at 9:30 or whenever?

[Andy1964]

DS 14 has just saved enough money for a 'gaming' pc to go in his room.
It is alot of money but at the end of the day it's his choice, his money.

What is DH suggesting he use the money for?

[Starballbunny]

DD2 has since she was about 6, DD1 since she was 11, both have played on my desktop since they were toddlers, no particular filters on anything. Just no FB.

They live in a technological world, with phones, iPods and wifi games consoles, you can pop in and out and check, but in the end you have to trust them.
(And trust they believe their geek DDad could check up on them if he wished, bar 3G on the school bus he probably could).

And that's the point, you can't check up on them totally, any modern child over 7 can connect a iPod touch to their friends, MacDonald's wifi. Even the most primitive phones have Internet of sorts. Their friends have smart phones.

For our DCs Internet safety has to be as natural as the Green Cross Code is to an old foggy like me. And it has to be taught from the same sort of age.

[ShesYourDaughter]

We bought dd a laptop for school work for her 15th birthday. Tbh it's mostly used for skyping friends and watching movies but it does get some work done.

It's good that he's prepared to spend his own money, though where he can get a touch screen for £250 is beyond me.

I'd be tempted to sit down with him and discuss what would be the best screen size and spec for the various things he has to do. Can't believe school work on an 11 inch screen is a good idea. And if you can afford it offer to pay the difference for the right machine. He's going to have it a while.

That way you've got some stake in it if you ever have to get grumpy about him being on it late at night. Plus he might look after it better.

I did say 'might' :-)

[TooMuchJD]

Thanks for all the feedback.
Have ordered it for him today & he has handed the money over straightaway too, plus hes set up direct debit for £4 a mth for extra warranty cover with PC World so has been very sensible overall. ShesYourDaughter its "shop soiled" display model with small scratch on the case which is why its got £80 knocked off. Bargain really. Although the screen is smaller than standard laptop, its much clearer & easier to use than our older model. I can type on it easily & my eyesight is rubbish.
Has caused major discord with DH even though there is no real logical argument other than hes 13 & I shd parent him differently??? If I didn't feel comfortable with DS having it I would have explained to him why I thought it was a bad idea but ultimately it wld still be his choice in my mind iyswim. DH thinks he shd save the money in case he needs trainers/ clothes/school trips in the future but he still has paper round so is still earning for those kind of things (& still has some savings left even after buying this) so don't see the problem myself.

[ChippingInWadesIn]

If he needs 'trainers/clothes/school trips' his parents should be paying for them, not him anyway. It was gift money - not save your tight Step Dad money .

I think you need to sort out some stuff with DH - he doesn't sound very nice to DS.

I'm glad you weren't brow beaten by H & that DS got his laptop.

[BackforGood]

I would be really praising him that he's gone out and earned this money, been mature enough to be able to save it up, and then spent it on something really useful, that he's got for a bargain price, acknowledging that the scratch doesn't matter - it's not a "fashion" thing, it's a practical one that he's going to get a lot of use out of.
Wow! What a mature 13 yr old


Oh, and yes, all my dc have computer/laptop/internet access in their rooms from the 17 yr old to the 12 yr old.

[princessalbert]

Good on DS.

My DS bought himself a laptop a couple of years ago. A huge 17" screen, quite good spec. He just used Xmas and birthday money he had saved up. He used it for homework, but predominantly gaming.

I don't think it is unusual nowadays for teens to have their own.

Our 3 have one each, which were bought using gift money.

[mistyolen]

Awesome for him to save the money for it. Let him have it and use parental controls. With my kids I started making them leave their phones and tablets on the kitchen table at night. I noticed they found it hard to stop themselves from sending texts if their friends texted them and were not getting good sleep. I'm not sure if this is something you'd want to do with the laptop, but I liked the idea claybury had on set your wifi to turn off at a certain time.