Paranoid about teenagers driving

[allo2101]

I think I'm over-obsessing but I'm absolutely terrified at the thought of my DD (nearly 17) going on trips in cars with her newly-passed friends. One of them is supposedly going to drive them to the Boardmasters festival in Newquay (about 150 miles) and another is talking about driving them to the NEC in Birmingham (about the same distance)

I know it's irrational but I would feel safer if they stayed closer to home when they first pass their tests (even though I know the statistics about accidents closer to home etc). But it's the thought of motorway driving when they are so inexperienced that scares me rigid. Is it normal to feel like this? I feel as though I shall need some Valium to calm me down every time she goes out :)

[webwiz]

I think in this situation I would be vetoing such long trips and suggesting the train/megabus. Festivals are tiring so whoever was driving wouldn't exactly be fresh on the way home.

[MuchBrighterNow]

I know how you feel Allo but part of them growing up is us having to let go and trust.

I have told my Ds that he must never ever get in a car with anyone he suspects has drunk or taken anything and that instead he should ring me up and I will come and get him even if it's 2 in the morning !

[specialsubject]

four teens in a car is quite dangerous, statistically. Check out all those trees with flowers and t-shirts on them. The motorway is a bit safer.

no-one should drive 150 miles without a break. Find out the journey plan. And they need to stay overnight.

[Travelledtheworld]

I would be reluctant to let her go with them.
Both venues are accessible by train.

[livinginwonderland]

yes, be worried, but let them go. I went on plenty of road trips at 17 (i'm 24 now) and we were fine. they can do what they like at 18 so you'll just be putting off the eventual worry. maybe suggest that the friends/DD take motorway lessons and split the driving?

[TheFallenNinja]

I'd get the driver to take me out first. Then decide.

[amumthatcares]

I so feel your concern allo - my DD pased her test in the March (3 months after turning 17). She had no motorway experience when she announced she was driving down to Brighton (135 miles away) on new years eve - via M1 and M25! eeek. We told her it was madness that she would even consider driving on two of the busiest motorways on new years eve without any motorway driving experience! In the end she agreed and she went via the train with a group of friends. However, 3 weeks before they went, another friend passed her test and drove all the way with 2 other friends in her car. She did it no problem and all we got after was 'see, I'm sure I would have been fine if I'd driven'

She has now been passed her test for nearly 16 months and has driven to Brighton several times and also to other cities about 60/70 miles away, via the motorway. I hate it everytime she goes but I can't stop her. I do ask that she let me know as soon as she has arrived and if it is a particularly long/busy journey, I text one of her friends en route to get an update.

[specialsubject]

distances are not a problem, if sensibly handled. A 60/70 mile trip is fine, even there and back in a day.

what is not fine is 300 miles with a festival in between. It is not clever or macho to drive tired, just dangerous for the driver and everyone else on the road.

regardless of age or experience.

[allo2101]

Thanks for all your input - at least I know I'm not alone in my worry! With regard to the festival, they would be staying there for three days so presumably would drive back on the morning after the final day which hopefully would mean not too exhausted (I hope) I know that I'm not going to be able to stop her for long, if at all, but supposed I will get used to it gradually - rather they started off with short 30 mile trips to the beach first though. I will be expecting regular texts to let me know she's ok.

I have already told my DD, who will be starting lessons in a couple of weeks when she's 17, that before she drives on a motorway she is to have at least two, if not more, motorway lessons first - also night driving lessons. I don't know how driving instructors work these days, having passed my test about 100 years ago, but I do hope they drum into them the fact that a car is a lethal weapon, that they are responsible for the lives of others etc etc.

[ajandjjmum]

We applied one very firm rule - no more than one passenger for the first 6/12 months of driving. We were told that statistically accidents were far more likely to happen with more than 2 in the car, so we were quite rigid about this.

But you do have to let them go - doesn't stop me saying 'text when you get there!'

[secretscwirrels]

There are new rules planned for young drivers.
They recognise the higher risk of carrying passengers, among others.
I have a 17 year old DS who is about to take his test. I have told him no giving lifts to groups of friends, but I am still anxious about him going with others. ajandjjmum I like your rule it sounds like a good compromise.

OP I would have no hesitation in saying no to the trip your DD plans. They need to gain experience gradually IMO. What 17 year old wants to do that though?
I have asked his instructor about Pass Plus. apparently it covers more unusual driving conditions such as night time and ice as well as motorway driving. He is going to have proper lessons in motorway driving before I let him loose.

[michycakes]

My sons booked with megabus apparently 4 of them got tickets for £17.50 seems to good to be true!

[chocoluvva]

I wouldn't allow my DD and friends to travel with a new driver on a route they don't know. Quote the statistics to her. Young drivers are MUCH more likely to be involved in road accidents and this risk is increased by having more than one passenger.

Inexperienced and teenage- developing brain with a propensity for risk-taking. Not worth the risk.

My DD and two friends invited a third friend who drives to go on a short holiday with them on public transport. I had met the driver, but the other mums hadn't and told their DDs they weren't allowed to go if the driver took his van.