tired and depressed by this

[theworldswife]

Hi, this is my first post, please be kind! My ds will be 20 in August and he's never held a job for more than 3 months. He got good A Levels at college, started at university, decided it wasn't for him after a couple of terms, which was fine, even though it left us short of money. He's had a couple of part time jobs, but got bored, started turning up late, being arsy and was soon let go.
All he does now is lie in bed all day, drink too much and eat takeaway provided by his girlfriend. He contributes nothing financially, won't do anything in the house to help and regards me and his dad with contempt. My dh wanted to chuck him out and I'm beginning to agree with him.
Ds says he's applying for jobs but there have been no interviews and sometimes he won't get out of bed to sign on. I arranged a docs appointment and he was prescribed ADs but he wont take them and he won't do anything about seeing a counsellor.
I've really had enough, my health isn't great and I'm sick of trying to help someone who won't be helped.
Any advice anyone?

[cathan]

Sorry to hear about your problems with your DS. My kids are both grown and I've been through various problems with them and it sounds to me as if he is depressed, but also taking advantage of your kindness. Your DH may be right - certainly the time has come to do some straight talking. Tell him he has a month to get his act together. At the end of that time, you will be expecting him to pay a regular contribution to the household. If he doesn't make any efforts to get a job, then you will have to harden you heart and chuck him out at the end of that month. If he does try (i.e. goes for interviews etc) but hasn't managed to get anything, you could stretch the deadline a bit. Also, during the month I would insist on him doing his share of the chores - make a list of the things you want him to do and insist that he do them if he wants to continue living at home. It sounds as if the girlfriend is helping him to be helpless/jobless by bringing him food. Remember it's your home and if you think it would help to make him understand that you're serious about everything, then you could ban her from coming into the house for that month. At the very least this would mean he had to go out to meet her and accept that you're serious. Hope this helps.

[theworldswife]

thanks Cathan, this is excellent advice. When you're so close to a situation you just can't see a way out. Thanks again, will show this to dh.