dd 15 first break up and very confused!

[Ohsotricky]

My 15 yr old dd has just split up with her first bf who she has been with for about 6 months. They were really good friends, spent lots of time together (although rarely totally alone) and I think that they kissed for the first time very recently. She is hurt and confused because she has no idea why it happened. One day she said that they were really close and obvioulsy happy together, the next they didn't see each other because he was on a school trip and texts were a bit distant in the evening and the next he told her that it wasn't working. She was so shocked and upset that she didn't ask why or say very much at all and now they aren't talking even though they see each other every day at a small school where it is impossible to avoid each other.. Even I can't see how things can change that quickly as it's not as though they actually fell out or anything. She says that she doesn't want to know why and won't approach him or even talk to friends about it in case they know something and I presume that this is because she doesn't want to be hurt any further.

I think that because it happened so quickly someone may have been stirring or it may just be some huge misunderstanding, but perhaps he just doesn't like her any more! Do boys usually offer a reason or do they find explaining themselves too difficult? (no experience of boys - as a mum, that is and I can't remember from when I was young(er)!

Do you think she should be encouraged to talk to him?

Do couples in this situation usually at least get to be on friendly terms again?

Do relationships at this age often stop and then start up again and if so, how long does it usually take for them to come to their senses?

Sorry for all the questions but I am feeling hurt on her behalf and don't know what to think!!

[bigTillyMint]

God I'm dreading this!DD (nearly 14 has a lovely boyfriend, but I doubt it will last forever)

I doubt boys of this age explain themselves - more likely to find out from others?

I don't know what advice to give - just give her lots of sympathy and listen. Hopefully it will work itself out in the end.

[mingtea]

Aww, your poor DD! Unfortunately there's not enough background info for me to go on there but she will more than likely find out the truth eventually even if she's not trying to do so.

Personally I wouldn't encourage her to talk to him, he sounds like he treated her very badly (OP how well did you know him?) but you could give her tactful examples of how to be mature about it - being civil to him when they bump into each other, showing she's getting on well and having fun without him etc.

[Ohsotricky]

Actually, I know him quite well and have always liked him. She has convinced herself that he has behaved badly, I think as a coping mechanism so that she has a reason to not like him any more. I don't know if his behaviour has been bad or normal for a young lad!

[bigTillyMint]

Do you think he might have decided he was interested in another girl when on the trip?

[NotSoNervous]

I wouldn't encourage her to talk to him, if she doesn't want to then I'd leave it at that. She would probably be embarrassed to try and talk about it with him and just wants to move on.

If its a small school and they have the same friends then I'm sure she'll fin out soon enough why and they'll en up talking again as friend eventually

[Ohsotricky]

tillymint, this did ocurr to me and is obviously possible, although he will only have been with people that he has known for ages anyway and he hasn't been spotted with anyone else yet! if it is that then it is a bit shallow to dump a long standing girlfriend on a whim but anything is possible!

notsonervous, one side of me says that you are right, the other that they just need to knock their heads together and will regret it if they don't!