FB

[Spagbolisbetter]

DS's 15 year old girlfriend of 6 months has just got fB, unbeknown to her parents, who have completely forbidden it. Had a quick look today (casually of course, am not in the slightest bit nosey ;) ) and was pretty appalled at the use of foul language and suggestive photos she has managed to pack in a in just over a week.

Of course, I can't be super grass and run to her Mum to tell her but am concerned that she is showing herself in a very bad light. What to do without seeming too interfering? TIA.

[exoticfruits]

I would have a chat about the dangers. She ought to understand the security settings- to be safe you shouldn't be able to read it unless you are a friend(I am assuming you are not). Tell her your concerns.

[Spagbolisbetter]

Thanks Exotic. Yes this is definitely someone who needs some guidance . I half wish I hadn't looked now .

[justbreathe]

You could suggest to her that she uses a nickname or an abreviation of her name. I have made my dc do this . That way it will harder for these embarassing inapropriate postings to come back and haunt them later on.

[chocoluvva]

I'm frequently appalled by the language used by teens too.
By suggestive photos, do you mean a sort of pouting expression? Apparently this is a standard FB pose (designed to bring out your cheekbones, according to DD who's 15). She calls it a 'duck face'!
When my DD first got FB she spent ages on it. Dozens and dozens of friend requests from people alerted to her new account. Then it all calmed down again.

[KillerRack]

Tbh she is nearly 16, What do you think calling her mum will achieve?.

[Spagbolisbetter]

Thanks ladies. Chocca I am very familiar with the duck face; my dd is an expert. No, a bit more leg and boob on show than that. I like your idea justbreathe. I think I'll try and bring the conversation round to fb next time she's with us. Killer, She is just 15 and I am not intending to contact mum. As a (reasonably responsible adult) I do not like standing by and seeing a child making herself so vulnerable.

[Spagbolisbetter]

*(reasonably responsible) adult

[gemblags1980]

There is a brilliant book by Vanessa rogers called cyber bullying for kids and teens, with activities to complete to make the point, I'm not suggesting you work through the activities or anything, but the section for adults is comprehensive and informative and gives lots of ideas on how to approach the subject. You can find it on amazon, or if you don't want to buy that you may find tips on the Internet .

[Happymum22]

Sounds like because her parents forbid it and are over-strict on such things, giving her no freedom, as soon as she has managed to break the rules and get a tiny bit of freedom, she has gone crazy.
At this age it definately wouln't reflect who she is more just that she wants to fit in with other girls who sadly will be doing the same.

Highly photoshop edited, pouty photos at this age are very normal! The girls often don't really know what they are doing, they just want the attention of lots of 'likes' and 'you look stunning babes' comments!

Maybe make a comment like 'oh you popped up as a mutual friend on facebook! Have you just got it?' when she is next over, she then be aware you can see it and might make her think!

[Spagbolisbetter]

Yes Happymum, I think you have hit the nail on the head there. From what I know of her Mum, she would be furious about her use of FB; so I do feel quite guilty knowing about it myself.

Am planning on casually broaching the subject with her :/.

I'm relieved to hear that the dubious content doesn't reflect who she is, because her wall doesn't exactly make me warm to her!

Thank you too, Gem for the book recommendation; I'll check that out!

[YerMaw1989]

Is it really that bad OP or is it just a bit of cleavage, some swearing and some pouting?.

I think the legal age to be on fb is 13? so she is doing absolutely nothing wrong, what is she making herself vulnerable too? if someone msg's her in a dubious manner she can report,block etc you are quite empowered in that sense.

Maybe chat to her to make sure her privacy settings are up to scratch?.