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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Birthday letter from DD

10 replies

Brightspark1 · 27/09/2012 21:11

My DD has had MH problems over the last 18 months, she assaulted me several times and ended up going into care. She seemed angry at me all the time and seemed to hate me. It's my birthday today ad she arrived home with a beautiful cake she had made and a letter. In the letter she apologised for all the hurt she caused me, that she hoped to make it up to me and that she wouldn't still be alive had not been for me. I am posting this because I wanted to share good news for a change and to let others that have had similar problems that there can be light at the end of even the darkest tunnel.

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gemblags1980 · 27/09/2012 21:37

That's great news, it does give us hope thanks. Hope your daughter and your family go from strength to strength Gemma x

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MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 27/09/2012 23:56

How lovely, and proof that, as sometimes does show here on MN, that hanging on in there and having faith in our teens when the going gets really tough, is so worth it!

Incidentally I did the same sort of thing back, for my children..one received a letter on her 16th that I wrote when she was 10 days old, telling her how magical her life was to me, for another, just gone to university last weekend I wrote one a few weeks ago to tell her how amazed and proud of I am (she has had problems) of the young adult she has become. I think the written word sometimes has such power to HEAL and is something we/they can hang on to when times are hard.

I hope your daughter's letter makes you proud of what YOU have achieved :)

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flow4 · 28/09/2012 00:04

Whooooooo HOOOOooOOOOooo!
Oh I know it doesn't mean everything is perfect... But honestly bright, I am so pleased for you! You have really made my evening :)
Oh and happy birthday!

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Brightspark1 · 28/09/2012 22:57

I keep rereading the letter and I well up every time. I know we aren't out of the woods yet, and the best present would be to have her home. But I don't want to push things too quickly. I'm just so hsppy that she has stopped self harming and is settling into college. I feel so sad that she has lost touch with her friends and that all of us have gone through such hell, but as she says in her letter we need to look forwards not back. Flow and Medusa you have helped me a lot through this, and I'm so grateful. Onwards and upwards !

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flow4 · 29/09/2012 08:55

It has made me well up, and I haven't even read it! I'm surprised you're not weeping and laughing like a loon while you dance nekkid round the garden trying to stop your tears dilute your champagne!

Of course you're right you need to rein in your hopes a bit, resist pushing and take it steady - I know you will :)

Oh and the friends bit... It feels sad now but won't matter in a few years... If you think about it, most strong friendships are made (IME) either earlier in life or later (at Uni or when people have kids). Hardly anyone I know is friends with the people they knew in adolescence (probably because it's a time of heartache that no-one wants to remember). Any friends who are worth keeping will be back in touch with your DD, and the ones who don't, arent.

Oh, I'm keeping everything crossed for you :)

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Maryz · 30/09/2012 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

awbless · 30/09/2012 20:10

bright your post made the hairs on the the back of my neck stand up!

As flow says it doesn't mean everything is smelling of roses but it does mean that you did the right thing.

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Brightspark1 · 05/10/2012 22:15

Thank you for your posts, I have only just read them as I have been trying to make a effort to live a bit more in RL if you know what I mean. I have spent the past six months trying to hang onto my sanity and my marriage (which has taken a battering and is hanging on by a thread)
maryz I remember your stern talking to when I was at my lowest, I needed that, though I was a bit taken aback at the time. You helped me to do what I needed to do at the time which was to try and look after myself.
There was a progress review with SS today, we knew nothing about it and weren't invited which makes me feel a bit and but I need to keep a bit of perspective and concentrate on what's important which is DD's progress. She is being discharged by CAMHS this month ( fingers crossed)

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MaryZed · 05/10/2012 23:02

Sorry, I hope I wasn't too tough . I try to talk to people the way I would like to have been talked to at the time, when I was wallowing and feeling such a failure.

I still feel a failure much of the time, but I think anyone in my position would, so I can sort of forgive myself a bit.

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Brightspark1 · 06/10/2012 23:48

Please don't think you were too tough. I was descending into a deep dark hole, I still had a son, a husband, parents and a job to look after. I needed a way to find a way of functioning, wallowing just wasn't an option, and still isn't.
I have read a lot of your posts maryz and you come across a sane sensible voice of reason, which has obviously been won through bitter experience. I valued that then and I valued that now.