Advice and support needed for 13 year old

[ShazzyDesires]

Hi all,

I'm really struggling with my 13 year old son who is in year 9.
He seriously lacks any motivation in anything. He currently attends a Grammar school for which I pay full fees. He's a very bright lad but refuses to do any work in class or at home. We have now been given till the end of term for him to improve or he will be expelled.

He does do he's best but is just soooooo slow. He has always been slow at everything and does sometimes struggle to break down information. I've raised him on my own, my family are blaming me for all this saying I went wrong.

Has anyone else experience something similar and if so did you get outside help and how did you deal with it?

[mummytime]

I would seek help, it could be he has an undiagnosed learning difficulty. I say this because you say he does his best but is slow.
Does he sit to do his work but not get anything done? Or does he fill his time with other stuff? Does he need more guidance on how to tackle work? What is he interested in? What are his hopes and dreams? What is he good at?

[ShazzyDesires]

Hi Mummytime,

Thank you for your reply. I think he may have a learning difficulty, he does try so hard and sits in the office for hours trying to get his homework done, theres just not enough time so the back log builds up... and another vicious circle. It's the same with his class work in school. He doesn't get much done. The teachers think he does it intentionally, I believed this too till recently when he broke down and said he cant cope.

He is ambitious and is well behaved until everything gets on top of him and he gets angry and frustrated.

My family have not supported me at all and instead have blamed me for ruining him! which has really upset me. I have just had a call from school who have arranged a meeting with the educational psychcologist, they will do an assesment to see whether he has any learning difficulties.

[canistartagainplease]

Your son might very well be a clever boy, whos learning style isnt very fast, Agree you could see what his learning style is and work from there.

I'm a bit saddened that its a blamefest though. Your son will be expelled?

Lots of kids move from grammer to state and do just fine, its a positive thing if the new school is a good match, Also, your family are not doing their job, and need to up their act, "blaming me for all this and saying I went wrong", ignore, ignore,ignore.....

[OwedToAutumn]

Seeing an Ed Psych is a positive step by the school. Just a pity they didn't think of this before threatening to expell him!

[SaraSidle]

I have a 'slow' ds in year ten. Just turned 14

He needs support not threats of exclusion! How would that help. And sounds like you could do with some support too, you are clearly a loving mum who has done her best ( am on my own too) you have not failed him. You really haven't.

Keep doing what you are doing and you will get through this. Then your family will have to re think!

[mummytime]

The Ed Psych is a great first step.
Try to get the school to prioritise the homework, and give an estimate on how much time they expect him to be spending on work outside school. It may also need you to be more involved, reading his homework, interpreting what is needed, and helping him organise how to do it.

I am at present helping a son who has just started sixth form, and is snowed under with work. He is a bit slower at Maths than others, he finds it hard to prioritise, hard to get down to work, and is easily distracted. However the two good things are: he has had a dyslexia diagnosis for years and has a very good State school, with lots of support from teachers who know him. The tricky one is that as he's in sixth form, I need to help less, and really support him in finding how to study for himself. You have a few more years when you can get really involved.

[ShazzyDesires]

Thank you so much for all your support.
SaraSidle, you are so right, he needs support. The schiool have been mean and the pressur eon both of us is awful.
Im from a very close family and the thought of failing is so awful.

My partner has been so supportive, considering my sister has said that this is all happening cos I have a man in my life... even though my boy has been slow since a baby!!!!

Lets see what the Educational Psychologist comes back with tomorrow.

I will speak to the deputy head again tomorrow.

Its tough raising kids on your own!

[ShazzyDesires]

Thanks mummytime... I will do just that.
Thought I was the only one who still has to babysit a 13 year old and get him to do his work.
He is always being compared to my nephew who is a very intelligent 15 year old. Whos mum has no input in his education and he willingly does everything and all his homework!

I think we do the dyslexia assesment now.... even though I think this should have been done a long time ago.

[Kleinzeit]

Seeing an educational psychologist is a very good idea. When my son was having serious behaviour problems at school, the head told us he couldn?t keep our son in school unless whatever was causing the problems was diagnosed and managed. Sometimes schools do this because they must get parents' permission for the child to see the psychologist and they are afraid that the parents will refuse, so they make it clear that the child can?t stay in the school otherwise. (We wouldn?t have refused anyway!)

You haven?t done anything wrong. I?ve met many parents whose kids have the same difficulty as my son and they come from all walks of life, with parents who are married or single, rich or poor, PhDs or left school at 16, and the kids go to all sorts of schools from the smartest to the roughest.

Meantime have faith in your son. Try to make sure that even if he doesn?t finish his schoolwork he can still take time out to do things with you and do things he enjoys. Reassure him that you value him for who he is and not just for his school results.