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Were your children like this at 11 ?

(15 Posts)
Mumof3beautifulchildren Sun 09-Oct-11 18:09:17

HI, sorry for posting here but thought I might get more help. My DD is 11 and just started high school 5 weeks ago. She had quite a few problems with the girls as her primary school ( mainly bullying ) and decided that when she moved to high school she wanted nothing more to do with them. Which she has done and apart from being in her class with a few or having dinner with them e.t.c shes cut her ties in other ways. Shes met some new friends and she comes home from school every night with a big smile on her face, she's a polite, loving, sensible little girl who wants to work hard as she wants to be a primary teacher and is very focused on this already. Shes also very open with me and tells me everything. I know I shouldn't worry but my main concern is the social aspect. Since starting high school she doesn't want to meet friends outside of school and prefers to be with the family. ( I have DD9 and DS4) She doesn't go on social networking sites or chat on the net to friends. Am I worrying over nothing? Have any of your children been like this but went on to make lasting friendships? Whilst I see all her 'old' friends meeting up after school and weekends, she just prefers to be with us and am worried that this will start pushing friends away. I would love her to just even have one good friend !

Thank you all so much xxx

louderthanbombs Sun 09-Oct-11 18:36:01

I really wouldn't worry at the moment, as long as your DD is happy. She is still very new to high school and the friendships she is making now are likely to become stronger over time.

She sounds like a lovely girl, make the most of her wanting to spend time with you...I am quite sure that this time next year you will become the most emarrassing person on the planet and she won't want to be seen in public with you grin

lljkk Sun 09-Oct-11 18:39:02

I have an 11yo DS, who was bullied (though we moved for y6) and he is a lot like yours, OP. I reckon that it is early days and as long as your DD says she is happy at school and happy to go to school that you are already doing extremely well in recovering from her problems. Close friends can always happen later.

cory Sun 09-Oct-11 21:19:19

Dd was a bit like this in Yr 7. Three years later she clearly does have a good circle of friends, they text each other and occasionally go into town together, but don't meet up that often after school.

I didn't have any real friends at all in secondary- simply because there was noone around that I seemed to gell with- I found socialising just meant having to pretend that I was different from what I really was and never letting on what I really liked or was into, so couldn't be bothered. Doesn't seem to have done me any harm in the long run: I had a great time at uni.

Mumof3beautifulchildren Sun 09-Oct-11 21:42:31

Thank you all for your lovely replies. Yeah, I think am worrying a bit too much and I know she will find her way eventually. She's very happy in school, more happier in fact than I have ever seen and in this short while her confidance has grown too. I suppose I should be grateful for her wanting to spend time with us all grin Thank you again xxx

42day Sun 09-Oct-11 21:47:10

Hope you see this mumof3beautifulchildren, I think your dd is very wise. My own of high school age are just the same and happy and my dd who is in year 9 still wants to refrain from social chat sites as she has heard too much about all the upset they have caused over the years with school mates and wants no part of it.

Mumof3beautifulchildren Sun 09-Oct-11 21:52:24

42day : I think DD is very grown up for her age and we can always have good conversations with her about everything and ( at the moment ) she does tell me everything going on in her life or if she has a problem. I think maybe this is why she's grown away from her other set of friends as she doesn't seem to be as immature as them IUKWIM ! xx Thank you

WalkHomeBitches Mon 10-Oct-11 23:32:05

i dont think you such worry too much about it, shes just started High school and that it quite a big deal for her
I'm such she will find a few nice friend ina few more weeks

A good idea would to have a small party ie xmas/ halloween and get her to invite a few (5-6) friends round

Madlizzy Mon 10-Oct-11 23:50:04

All my kids are homebodies, very happy at school and confident. The triplets are 12 and not allowed on social networking or MSM yet. It's quite normal.

cat64 Tue 11-Oct-11 00:07:04

Message withdrawn

GnomeDePlume Tue 11-Oct-11 21:30:25

All mine were/are the same (DCs 16, 13 and 11). They all now have friends etc and outside interests. I wouldnt try to force your DD into friendships. Let her settle into the school atmosphere.

All three of my DCs have out of school activities (music school and cadets). This gives them a different set of friends and has opened up a number of different opportunities.

Grammaticus Wed 12-Oct-11 12:01:17

Yes. Give it time. She spends all day at school with her new friends, it doesn't matter if she doesn't see them outside school as well. She might do in the holidays, that what my yr7 did.

Hullygully Wed 12-Oct-11 12:04:30

Yep, she's very new, it takes time for friendships to settle down, maybe after the last school she doesn't want to rush it, wants the time to feel really confident about her friends.

I kept suggesting to my dd she invite people over, then one day I said, shall I just stop and leave it up to you? And she grinned. We're both the happier for it.

Ooopsadaisy Wed 12-Oct-11 12:10:39

Some adults have loads of friends and rush from one social event to the next, seeking the next adventure.

Others prefer to live a quiet life and are happy in their own company and family in familiar surroundings.

I wouldn't worry. She sounds quite mature. By all means ask her if there's anyone she's like to invite round or if she's made new friends at the school but don't push it unless there are signs of loneliness or that she is troubled.

onceagain Wed 12-Oct-11 22:28:31

mumof3, sounds just like dd1 when she transferred to secondary. I wouldn't worry too much - its early days.

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