If I ring the school and tell them that DS1 will not leave the house

[Saltire]

what will they do? Will they send someone out or him?

I am at the end of my tether with him. he spent most of yesterdya evneing yelling and shouting and hitting his brother. He told my mum that it's my fault he is like that as I favour DS2.
I don't , it just looks that wya as DS2 winds up DS1 so DS1 will hit him or throw things at him. DS1 also tries to really hurt DS2. Anyway that resulted in an argument with my mum as she said to me that she thinks I do faovur DS2 and that DS1 is insaenely jealous and that I must have neglcted him a bit when DS2 came along as I had PND.
I have health issues and DS2 will, 9 times out 10, do what I ask - dry dishes, put clothes away etc. DS1 won't he argues and says "in a minute" or "its not fair" and then a yelling match insues.
Anyway he says he was sick this morning, no evidence of proper vomit in the loo, just what looked like phlegm. he has had a bad cough.

He has jsut refused point blank to go, again. I just cannot deal with this. DH is away for a few weeks, adn between now and Christmas will only be at home for 4 weeks. Then next year he goes awya for 6 months, and I am panicking at the thought of it

[WorriedAboutNightOwl]

How old is DS1?

[Saltire]

13, he'll be 14 in March. DS2 is 11

[WorriedAboutNightOwl]

I don't think they'll send someone out; I think they'll set up a meeting with guidance staff.

Are you in Scotland, Saltire? Is today the last day of term for you?

[mummytime]

Yes tell the school. They maybe able to get him some counselling help, it could be he has MH issues, and at least it would inform them you are doing your best.

[LaurieFairyCake]

They won't send someone out but you do need to tell them he is school refusing.

Make it less comfortable for him at home if he's not sick - no tv/internet/phone - all under the pretense of him getting some rest. No going out anywhere after 'school' time. Grounded for the weekend as he is 'sick'.

Unless you're physically going to kick him out then you have to approach it a different way. Don't listen to your mum - she sounds spectacularly unhelpful. Talk to your son about why he's acting like this, reassure him how much you love him (even if you don't right now)

[Saltire]

my other thread This is jsut part of a bigger picture for me though.

I just fel that I am drowing in a big pit of stress.

I was meant to be going out today - I don't drive, and a friend was coming today and we were going to go out for lunch and then do a bit of shopping as DS1's school shoes have allen apart and I getting him new ones.

I haven't been out of the house much since all the stuff in my link, and was looking forward to getting out

[CopingWellConsidering]

I would definitely tell the school if he does this frequently. How often does he refuse to go in? Is he being bullied at school? My DC are usually willing to go to school as they want to see their friends.

Although as he's had a bad cough, is it possible he could genuinely feel under the weather?

[LaurieFairyCake]

Why can't you still do that ?

Leave him at home in bed. It really sounds like you need to get out.

[Saltire]

All this playing up and not going to school has only started since DH went away. I know it will be fine for the 4 weeks that he will be at home

[insanityscratching]

Can you get a referral to CAMHS for ds1? It sounds as though he struggles when his father is away and takes it out on you. Either school or the GP could make a referral. I would also contact the Education Welfare Officer at the LEA who is responsible for ds's school, they can offer parctical support in getting ds into school.
I would definitely continue with your plans for today, don't give ds1 any attention for his behaviour. Tell him he isn't allowed screen time today and if he chooses to break that rule he won't get screen time for the whole weekend. Then go out and try and relax for a bit.

[Dumbledoresgirl]

Hi Salty. I'm so sorry you are going through all this (the other thread as well as this one). It all sounds so terribly tough for you. I don't know what to say advice-wise, but just wanted to say I know what the boy teen years are like (my oldest 2 are 15 and nearly 14 now) and ds1 has given me grief over the years. I do think he is a bit better now though if that helps you to know. In other words, the really horrid teen years don't go on forever.

But that is not much use to you now, I realise. I think if I were you, I would be ringing the school and looking for some support as it sounds like you are going to need it over the coming months while dh is away. You are a bit limited in support otherwise: locals are so unfriendly, your mother is maybe too emotionally involved to be an impartial support (and anyway, she is not local, is she?) So it sounds like you need the school to be on your side and to boost your authority over ds. They will support you I am sure. I had great support from our school when ds1 was depressed and withdrawn.

Finally, remind me again why you can't learn to drive? Being tied to the base must be awful!

[Dumbledoresgirl]

Oh poo, meant to add: message me on FB if you want a more private chat. I would be happy to talk things through with you, if you think that would help.

[Dumbledoresgirl]

Or message me here - d'oh! I am not being very bright today!

[lesstalkmoreaction]

They would send someone out at my dd's school, they would also help with family counciling. There is support available, ring up and tell them you need some help.

[mumeeee]

Phone the school and let them know he is refusing to go in. As someone else said if he has a bad cough he actually might be feeling unwell. Also I would still go out with your friend at nearly 14 it's okay to leave him at home alone. Did he know you had plans to go out? Do you think he might be refusing to go to school so you have to stay at home? Have a chat with him if you can tell him you love him and then tell him he can stay home if he wants to today. But you are going to phone the school and that you are going out so he'll be on his own.