How on earth to entertain 13yo lad

[ThrownIntoThis]

My partner of 6 months has a 13 year old boy who does not live with him. I have not met him, since I'm keen to keep disruption to his life at a minimum and feel that it would be more appropriate to meet him when I've been on the scene for a lot longer (i.e. am definately a part of the future landscape!)

HOWEVER... this does not mean I don't care about the little fella, and I am looking for suggestions as to what he and his dad can do in the evenings. Since my partner only gets a small window of a few hours every few evenings to see his son, I think it's important they do something more than playing computer games (which is the only activity his son suggests at the moment). I also think that my partner still sees his son as a little boy, as opposed to a teenager who is going to rapidly become more adult in his outlook on life. I think it would be great if they did activities where they are actually interacting with each other, give the son a chance to open up to his dad etc.

So far all I have come up with is teaching the lad to cook - important life skill and teaches him to take an active part in helping out in the household. But beyond that, I'm stumped!

All suggestions for games, activities etc would be appreciated from you mums with actual parenting experience, as opposed to me with my inability to keep a pot plant alive...

Thanks :D

[mumblechum1]

I know it isn't what you want to hear, but tbh when ds was that age his main bonding time with dh was playing games together; they did teamwork, had shared goals, with all the exasperation and fun that brings etc.

Apart from gaming, could he take him out to Pizza Express/go for a bike ride if light enough, but also do things where they're in the car.

Would they both enjoy something like learning karate together?

Most of my important conversations with ds (now 17) have taken place while I've driven him places. Something to do with being side by side rather than face to face encourages them to open up.

[DrNortherner]

Fishing
Bike ride
Hiking/hill climbing
DIY/Joinery or build a model plane
cinema and dinner out
Photography

[BestisWest]

Cooking is a great idea, 13 year old boys are starving all the time.

Believe it or not one thing my DH and DS (13) love doing together is the weekly shop (seems mad to me). DH takes him for a coffee and a bun first, then they look at all the bargain DVDs and games (this bores me rigid), then follow the list I've given them. Maybe they are just odd though. But that's when DS opens up to DH. Just doing normal life things.

[MrsGuyOfGisbourne]

Yes agree that about the games - they will actually be bonding - what I am discovering about 13 year old boys is that they don't want to talk, so non verbal just being together if that's what he wants is fine for most times - just occaionally suggest other things, but don't be offended if he doesn't want to do them - the fact that his dad wants to spend time with him and is 'validating' what he want to do will be good for his self-esteem.

[ThrownIntoThis]

Oooh! Thanks - it hadn't occured to me computer games might actually be useful... I'm off to put my pot plant in front of the nintendo ;) Seriously though, appreciate the knowledge.

[tabulahrasa]

Well I was going to say x-box, lol

DS is 15, but...he likes

Lazer tag
go karting
cinema
bowling

um, eating, lol

[Selks]

Could they take up a sport together e.g squash, canoeing or archery?

[bindibahji]

yup, playing x-box etcx together
cinema or watching comedy dvds together (my lads like everything from Black Books to Dad's Army)
Bike rides
Swimming
even a 'pint' out at a friendly local pub
cooking
TV - My boys watch Top Gear , The news, QI, HAve I Got News etc with their Dad and talk over it all :)

[theredhen]

TV
X Box
Cooking
Sports - Karate, football, swimming etc. etc.
Cinema
Meal out - My 13 yr DS loves Sushi. lol
DVD
Read same books and discuss when they meet up.
Lego and Knex - DS will still play these.
Decorating and DIY
Bike ride
Shopping (not for clothes though if he's like my DS!)
Growing fruit and veg
Learn to play guitar or other "cool" instrument (probably best not suggest the recorder! )

[tabulahrasa]

Ooh my DS has a thing for sushi too, maybe it's a teenage boy thing?

[upahill]

Some of the things we do will be repeated from other posters but I have two lads, one 12 and one 15 (just)
Here is what they do with their dad.

Cycling bot road and trails
walks - they don't always want to go but with a bit of persuassion once they are out they enjoy it.
auto sports show at NEC once a year
help at work ( DH is self employed and the eldest loves going helping on a Sat morning and coming back at lunchtime after visiting the pie shop!)
We all go to the home games of the Ice Hockey matches

We all go across the road for a drink occasionly

The lads have some big remote control cars and they go to the beach or an industrial estate at the weekends to play with it.

The youngest one ( who is nearer in age ) is science mad and we go star hunting on clear nights and take the telescope with us up hills mind you not much chance of that lately with the weather front we've been having!!

We go out for tea at least once a week, that gets us talking and having a laugh together.

Ds1 has started going to gigs and has been with his dad to a few although he went to a music festival with out us this year!!

DH and the boys go to the gun club once a week. I wanted to go but thought that I would leave them to it on that one. However DS2 sometimes comes to archery with me.

Hope this helps.

[SecretSquirrels]

It depends what interests him. If he loves console or computer games then only a father can truly participate and discuss endless stuff about high scores and levels.
Someone else mentioned the amazing ability of a boy to talk during a car journey. I think it's partly to do with not having to make eye contact.
Find out whether his mum does cooking or baking with him. If she does I'd steer clear as you don't want to tread on her toes. If not then I've never met a boy who didn't like making (and eating) cakes.

[Crumbletopping]

Depending on what he's into:
Adventurous activities - climbing wall, go-karting etc
Bike rides, hill-walking, geocaching
Cinema/DVD night
Clothes shopping
War hammer
Theatre, gigs
Sports spectating
Have a car boot sale together and treat themselves with profits