13year old daughter, 16 year old boyf

[Kitty43]

I'm a newbie to this site and feeling v confused tonight. DD who turned 13 last month is going out with a boy who is 16 and a half. The half matters! He came round for tea tonight so i could meet him. He is lovely, very polite, nice family etc but the age difference kills me. They are keeping the whole thing under wraps because at first when people found out, they were both getting tons of stick. Infact they did decide that it wouldn't work but since the summer hols they have started going for walks together etc and are q relaxed about it all. Presumably when school starts again they may start feeling the pressure again. But that's not my real concern - I just wish the age gap was less. i can't exactly forbid her to see him - he's such a nice boy apart from being far too old for her. What do I do?

[HarperSeven]

She is 13, should she be dating at all?

Why can't you forbid her from seeing him? She's a child.

[rooks14]

I'm only 20 so hopefully I can relate a bit more. It's not a big age gap when you're in your 20's and 30's but it is when your a teenager and essenttially a child. Definatley isn't appropriate in the slightestt!!!!!!!1

[tessofthedurbeville]

As soon as you forbid something it becomes far more attractive - so am not sure that forbidding this relationship will achieve anything. If I were you i would make it as open as possible in your home - invite him round, make him welcome in your home, keep it 'above board'. I would however ensure that it was pointed out to your daughter that if there was anything sexual between them he could be imprisoned and 'she wouldn't want that for him, would she?' Good luck

[thisisyesterday]

the age gap isn't the issue, it's only 3 years.

the fact that she is 13 is the issue!

I have no idea what I would do in your shoes though. Maybe encourage friendship but try and impress on her that anything sexual would be inappropriate right now??

[Vinniesbisqwits]

13 is a big NO as prev person said its not so much the age gap but its the 13 a child and the fact a boy of 16 raging hormones and 16 is very different to 13 when she 25 a bf of 28 wouldnt make a difference being a girl of 17 with a boy of 20 would be ok if you get my drift.

[GnomeDePlume]

Hi Kitty, we are in the thick of this. DD is 15 and boyfriend is 18.

We are keeping the conversations open. I have said to DD that I would like her to wait until she is 16. She has said about this bf and the last (when they were same age) that she wants to be 'legal'. DD is so much more knowledgeable about contraception and STIs than I was at the same age.

Keep talking with her (not to her or at her). I was amazed at just how sensible my DD is.