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13yr old ds and bullying

(5 Posts)
JohnniesBitch Wed 15-Jun-11 13:14:35

DS1 is 13 and in YR9 at school, we've had many many problems with him throughout this year, and poor decision making, poor choice of friends, being led etc etc.
He was grounded for a long period of time, over 6 weeks as police ended up becoming involved in an incident where ds1 was on the sidelines, proven that he wasn't involved in the incident but a warning about choosing his friends wisely from the police. He then was allowed out again and these so called friends stole his mobile, luckily the insurance replaced it.
Anyway getting to the point now, whilst he didn't have a phone, one of these 'friends' spread the rumour that ds had pornographic images on his phone and was a pervert and a peadophile!
The teachers at school did take action and took the boys aside and made it clear that ds did not have said images, he didn;t even have a phone. but this still persists, now ds doesnt want to go out anymore and is a desperatley unhappy boy.
We have spoken to the school, last friday we had a meeting with his year head and form tutor, who promised action, but obviously they can only take action at school and what happens outside of school is still an issue.
xh had a word with the dad of the son who spread the rumour in the first place and said he would speak to the dad of the boy who is carrying it on, but I don;t know what to do.
We feel utterly helpless in this situation and how can we help ds to get over it, xh says to confront the boy but i can;t see ds doing that as hes quite timid really despite bravado at home and with close friends.
any suggestions? I have received some great advice from mumsnetters in the past and hoping someon can shed some light on how to help. thanks

mumblechum1 Wed 15-Jun-11 14:05:57

tbh I think the more you make a fuss about any rumour, the longer you're feeding the flames.

Sometimes it's best just to let stories run out of steam.

It's a bit like when someone has something untrue written about them in the tabloids; the more they deny it and even take it to court for libel, the longer people remain interested in the story.

mumsamilitant Wed 15-Jun-11 15:27:01

Totally sympathise, my son was bullied after falling out with a mate who ganged up against him in class etc. with a few others. The teacher dealt with it in a way I would never dreamed of - got them all together in class and confronted the bullies. They said he was a snitch afterwards but I have to say, to my delight, the bullying stopped! Think mumblechum has a bit of a point, just keep an eye on it but it will probably be old hat in a couple of weeks. My ds is also quite timid (shh, dont tell anyone). But he had to go back to class and face it....

mumblechum1 Wed 15-Jun-11 16:58:09

But why wouldn't you have dreamed of getting them in a room and knocking their heads together? Sounds like a perfectly sensible tactic.

JohnniesBitch Thu 16-Jun-11 11:54:56

well the teacher who is in charge of dealing with bullying, told ds 'to suck it up and get over it'!!!!!
I do agree that the less fuss made the quicker it will probably go away. I think teenagers need some serious tlaking to about the implication of calling people paedophiles though, thast not a term that should be badied about without fully understanding what exactly it means and what you are potentially labelling someone with.
My gut feeling is to complain to the school about the poor handling by this so called expert, but I know that will get me labelled as an over protective parent and one who over reacts at that, so i'm sitting on my hands and keeping busy at work and will keep an eye on ds and try and talk to him without him putting his shield up (typical teenager not wanting to disclose to parents what it is thats worrying them)
Thanks

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