Cocaine and it's grip on me

[rainbowdash17]

Hi,
I've used cocaine for 2 months on and off but I've noticed that it's taken a real grip on me now and I can't not have it and for the past 2 weeks I've had it daily.
I've used it as a coping mechanism, albeit a bad one . I'm ashamed and worried because I don't have anybody to talk to that won't judge me.

How can I stop??
I'm having about half a gram to a gram on a daily basis now.
Help or advice appreciated- it's a horrible drug that has taken hold and I don't know what to do

[rainbowdash17]

How I know it's a problem:

• I get a little bit every day
• I panic when I run out
• I haven't slept in days
• I blow blood and lumps out of my nose sometimes
• my chest feels tight
• I have nobody to talk to about it

[tribpot]

Best place to start is by disclosing the problem, so you have to face up to it. It's hard, but I would tell your GP. You need the accountability if you are going to stop.

Next I would get yourself to NA. They won't judge, they've seen it all. Alternatively your GP cab recommend addiction services.

[sotiredbutworthit]

Go to your GP and nip it in the bud before you have lasting health problems. They can refer you to the appropriate services. You aren't alone, you can beat this. Good luck and much love xxxx

[Clutterbugsmum]

I think YOU need to go to your doctor and have an open and honest conversation with them.

You have started 3 thread under 3 different names in the last week. You are still in full denial about your addiction.

[flatwhite45]

Rainbow, I have been following your threads for a while now. I really feel for you. Two weeks non stop doing coke is no joke, you must be exhausted, and I can see a big part of you is desperate to stop. I think you really need to tell one person in RL. Even if they judge you, the most important thing now is to give your body and mind a rest. Before you do yourself serious damage. Is there a friend you can stay with for a few days, who can support you through the comedown and let you get your sleep and rest? And watch your child. I think you need head space and to get on an even keel. You may not be ready to stop completely, but you can at least cut down. This will give you more perspective on things.

I feel for you because I spent every weekend of 2016 doing coke at home with my husband. For a period of four months or so it was becoming a twice weekly occurrence. We both work, have children and busy lives to manage. It was becoming impossible. I have promised myself I will get clean this year. I hope I do because I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that I will lose everything (including my kids) if I don't. I have been trying since September and have managed to cut down massively but not stop completely. I am not going to give myself a guilt trip (even though the guilt is immense) as I know this won't help me recover and is more likely to drive me further toward the drug. I am going to be trying the following: NA (it's anonymous so they can't report you) the help of two trusted friends, hypnosis recordings (lots free online), yoga, keeping busy and sitting out the cravings. It's a shitty shitty drug, but you CAN beat it.

[UnbornMortificado]

I posted on your last thread.

Drugs will lose you your DC.

Im not saying that nastily or even judging I haven't been a saint in the past. Addiction is hard you need RL help.

[notangelinajolie]

Start with your GP. Don't beat yourself up over people judging you, if they do then they aren't worth knowing. One person who definitely won't judge you is your doctor - you won't be their first patient in this situation.

You have made the first step to get help by admitting on here that you are a drug addict. Now, take the second step and make that phone call.

[FusionChefGeoff]

Definitely try NA I'm sure they will have a helpline and will be able to put you in touch with another woman who has successfully beaten addiction.

I'm in AA and it saved my life - which is bloody marvellous now. But it was fucking horrible when I was drinking and I needed the support of AA to get me sober.

Good luck

[rainbowdash17]

If I go to gp I'll risk my beautiful daughter, whom despite misconceptions and visions people have in their heads, I'm a brilliant mum to her.

[rainbowdash17]

I'm going to ring NA tomorrow when my little one is at nursery. It's not so much denial (because I know it's a problem& a big one) it's more Shane and disappointment and fear of judgement.

[ElasticFirecracker]

You will find great help and support at NA. They will not judge and there will be no need for shame. Wishing you well.

[UnbornMortificado]

Rainbow I don't think anyone has misconceptions about you, but you must know fine well your parenting won't be the best it can be whilst your an addict. I'm speaking from experience.

NA won't judge you. I really hope you can get the help for you and your DD's sake.

[CitrusSun]

Coke is the work of the devil, I used to love the fucking stuff, couldn't imagine a life free of its grip, was a mum, held down a stressful intense job which demanded international travel every 8 weeks, somehow I kicked it, I knew I would lose every damn thing that was good in my life if I carried on, could foresee a time when it would be just me and that powder kidding myself it was all ok but the reality would have been I'd have nothing left except that little white mountain. I have since kicked other addictions including my beloved cigarettes- if it stands still long enough I get addicted to it - and miss them all to varying degrees but I think Charlie was the one that frightened me the most, that could truly have sunk me cos I liked it too much. If you want non judgmental chat just PM me and I really wish you strength

[rainbowdash17]

Citrus- wow and well done. You're an inspiration. I've rid the house of coke and instead of coke this morning it's coffee and cheezelets!

[UnbornMortificado]

Aw great start rainbow

[flatwhite45]

Well done Rainbow! It's a good start

[serialtester]

That's a good start. I totally understand (from experience) how moreish it is. It's also fucking horrible when you're stuck in the cycle of being dependant on it.

NA is a great starting point.

I too have followed your threads and really wish you well.

[CitrusSun]

Brilliant Rainbow,well done! Xx

[flatwhite45]

How are this morning Rainbow?

[BlueFolly]

How's it going @rainbowdash17

[rainbowdash17]

Joined a very helpful support group
It's really helpful & everybody is encouraging and understanding.
It's really going to help I think

[queenofthebucket]

Thats amazing news Rainbow Im so pleased for you.
Just keep reminding yourself of the life you want to lead and take it one day at a time. x

[flatwhite45]

So pleased to hear it Rainbow! Well done!

[CitrusSun]

Well done Rainbow, keep doing the right thing