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After advice for ways to boost my mum's morale in how she looks

(13 Posts)
Pagetta Wed 28-Oct-15 12:09:48

I hope this is the right area for this!
wondering if anyone can offer me some ideas to help boost my mum's morale please...

She's 68, and although never super skinny she has always watched her weight and was around a size 14.

then three years ago she suffered heart failure, and now, after a lot of time and hospital appointments, her medication is balanced and although she is now officially out of heart failure, she has been left with a very weak heart.

This means that if she does too much she ends up wiped out for about a day. She's slowly learning to adapt to this, but finds it incredibly frustrating.

She has never been super sporty but was always active - walking if she went out locally, swimming 2-3 times a week with friends etc.

Anyway, the lack of activity coupled with a massive mix of medicines mean that she has gained weight - she's by no means huge, but its a lot of water retention and bloating, and she's the biggest she's ever been. Twice now she's cried when talking about it to me - i've never seen my mum so upset and down before it breaks my heart.

I'd love to do SOMETHING to boost her morale a bit - i just wondered if anyone had any ideas for ways to perk someone up.

Being 68, she is a bit 'old lady' and set in her ways - she isn't big into creams/beauty stuff etc and she is very particular about her hair.

I just want to treat her, so she feels a bit happier - any inspiration would be very welcome!

burnishedsilver Wed 28-Oct-15 12:12:16

Would she be interested in having her colours done?

Nonnainglese Wed 28-Oct-15 12:20:27

What a lovely DD you are!
How about a manicure and pedicure at a lovely venue like a health spa?
Or a makeover?
I can well imagine how she must feel, I do hope there's something you can plan to cheer her up and hopefully she'll then feel a bit better about herself.

Maverick66 Wed 28-Oct-15 13:38:41

How thoughtful. Here are my suggestions.

New hair style/colour.
Eyebrows shaped and tinted.
New lipstick NEVER underestimate the power of lipstick smile
A gorgeous scarf in flattering colours to her complexion.
A little trip out for coffee and chat.

If she is on statins they could be interfering with her mood.
This happened my mil.
Totally lost confidence felt washed out all the time and total apathy for what was going on around her.

Good luck

sleepwhenidie Wed 28-Oct-15 13:57:58

Take her shopping for clothes that she feels great in but maybe look for inspiration before you go in women who are older/not size 8 who look great. Look at Marina Rinaldi clothes as a starting point.

I think she probably needs to make an adjustment in her thinking wrt equating body size with worthiness/attractiveness - this is about her getting to stop hating her body - if she has always been fit then it is probably as much of a struggle for her not to get depressed about her physical capabilities as how she looks but at the end of the day she needs to make the best of it, dieting and exercise isn't the answer here, improving her body image and self-care is and also finding other things to occupy/inspire her in life so that her body doesn't seem such an important thing. Make sure she gets outside regularly, even if just for a short walk - staying indoor is terrible for mental health and energy levels. Does she have any other interests/passions, perhaps something that she used to do and has neglected?

Chat to her about the idea of being at the 'queen' stage of life where you don't need anyone's approval of your body or fashion choices, you wear what you like and you are happy in your skin and with who you are - she may find something uplifting in that? I think that by the time we are into our 40's we should be getting into that mindset so it isn't about being old, its about being past the 'princess' stage of life in our teens and twenties where we need to fit in, discover who we really are, what our style is, and get positive feedback from others.

polyhymnia Wed 28-Oct-15 13:58:00

I think all these ideas are really good and hope your mum feels better soon and has some fun trying a new hair style and having colours done etc.
Sorry to gripe at all about such a lovely caring post but, as someone not far off from your mum's age, must take issue with the assumption behind your statement:' being 68, she is a bit 'old lady' and set in her ways'.

Being in your sixties most definitely does not make you an old lady nowadays. And lots of us love not only clothes and shoes but also face creams and cosmetics - Space NK is one of my favourite shopping destinations. And I like trying new things.

People of that age vary as much as people of any other. Sounds like your mum is feeling down and perhaps older than she is right now though and I do hope that with your support she soon starts to feel more positive.

polyhymnia Wed 28-Oct-15 13:59:26

PS second OP's recommendation of Marina Rinaldi - have lots of their stuff.

polyhymnia Wed 28-Oct-15 14:00:05

Sorry, PP's, not OP's!

Pagetta Fri 30-Oct-15 09:54:05

thanks all so much for your replies - sleepwhenidie she does get out a lot and has a very active social life, which is great and does keep her going. But that's great advice about changing her mindset, and trying to get her to accept her new body. She's just about adjusting to the new energy levels she has, but as you say this needs to expand this acceptance to her body shape too. I love this idea of the Queen stage of life - she's definitely done her years of hard work bringing up 3 kids including twins, she deserves to be in a happy place now where her and dad aren't answerable to anyone (except 5 grandkids!)

Poly - apologies - that wasn't the nicest phrase to use i know! i guess what i mean is she knows what she likes and likes what she knows - a hair restyle or make over would be her worst nightmare! Although this is possibly not linked to her age - my DH always teases me that 'your family do NOT cope well with change'..

I am going to look into getting her colours done will maybe ask my aunty and cousin to come too make a day out of it. I'll definitely take a look at Marina Rinaldi too great tip! She used to love shopping but gets so tired walking round now she just heads to house of fraser and if there's nothing there its back home so it I wll look for local stockists.

Thanks ladies, much appreciated as always

specialsubject Fri 30-Oct-15 10:10:04

how kind!!

but if she doesn't like change/being told there's no point in a colour shaman.

I also thought that a shopping trip would be tiring. Can you get catalogues or even a personal shopper to help?

amarmai Fri 30-Oct-15 14:17:45

internet shopping sounds like a good idea -as long as stuff can be returned. What does her gp say re daily exercise? My ex had a triple bypass and was told to exercise . Days after the op he was sat up on the edge of the bed in hospital and being encouraged to go on from there.

JaceLancs Sat 31-Oct-15 00:48:50

I think the personal shopper could be the answer even if it's you
My mum (70s) hates clothes shopping - but a treat day out with me or even DD brightens her up - we get her to try colours and styles that she normally wouldn't consider
Along with coffee cake and a bit of a change of scene

Pagetta Tue 03-Nov-15 11:49:19

i found some colour people where i think you go to their house or they come to you, so i'll look into them, then maybe can try some targeted shopping interspersed with lots of coffee and cake breaks!

amarmai - she can do exercise but it has to be very gentle. Her heart has been permanently damaged by the heart failure so only works at about 40% - she tries to walk as much as possible, but a one mile round-trip to the shops results in her having about a 2 hr sleep as she just gets so tired with it - and very frustrated!

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