Long story cut short but......after an incident with xh bringing his partner to dd's school play, which totally upset the applecart and caused lots of hostility again, we met up to get back to an amicable state for the sake of the children.
From what he told me his partner (OW) is not quite as confident as she makes out to me! She checks ALL his texts (inbox/sent etc) EVERY day!...espcially looking for ones between me and xh! I did have to laugh and said to him "so you've gone from bad to worse then!" hehe
He told me that she is adamant about coming to all school plays with him!...which I can see purely as a selfish act on her part to prove a point that he is with her and not me anymore and nothing to do with being there for the dd's! He managed to put her off for the Xmas one but couldn't for the recent one and can't promise that she wont be at future ones! I can see his hands are tied and that he is in a position BUT.....I am NOT happy that she come to 'our' children's plays....the main reason being that due to a history of verbal abuse/physical abuse and the upset of daddy leaving, it's taken a long time to get my eldest dd (now 6) to a secure happy state. She is not yet at a stage to cross the two lives over (as told to me by her psychiatrist). I also do not feel that I want to have to sit at a special occasion for me with the OW being there too! They are not married, he has doubts about the relationship and has told me that he wanted to leave her a while back etc, so all in all not a long-term thing perhaps?
Why should I risk further upset of the dd's when she turns up which then rubs off on me because I will be anxious about the problems that will occur with the dd's afterwards...making what should be a special occasion for all, probably a totally miserable one!
I DO NOT WANT TO BARE THE BRUNT OF HER INSECURITIES!....but don't know how to deal with this...he is spineless and would not stop her from coming but why should the dd's suffer just because she obviously still (after 4 years) has a problem with him being anywhere near me....even if it is at opposite ends of a school hall !
Can anyone help me find a way to resolve this issue?
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Her insecurities!!!!!
14 replies
talie101 · 13/07/2008 12:25
OP posts:
jammi ·
13/07/2008 22:16
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jammi ·
15/07/2008 12:38
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jammi ·
15/07/2008 12:48
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