3rd person having parental responsibility.

[Loveagoodpaxo]

I’ll try and keep this brief.
Ex husband lives 300 miles away. Does see the children every other weekend. This has been arrangement for over 4 years now.
Both my ex husband and I are remarried.
I am expecting my third child with my husband. Ex husband has no other children but is step dad to an 8 year old boy.

I understand that it is possible for a 3rd person, my husband/boys step father, to be able to have parental responsibility for my sons. This can be done either by mutual agreement with my ex husband or via a court application (which would cost around £500 and I understand it may be rejected).

Has anyone successfully done this?

I don’t think ex husband would want to do it mutually because his instant reaction would be that if their step dad is getting rights, so should his wife (aka their step mother).

My 8 year old is very switched on and says that if anything happens to me he wants to stay with his step dad. This is mainly because my husband has been there for both boys and basically filled the father role for the past 4/5 years. I’m not saying their dad isn’t their dad and he shouldn’t have a say in things, but he’s generally pretty away with the fairies and I honestly dread what would happen to my boys if anything were to happen to me.

I know it’s easy to say that I should just make these notes in my will but having looked into this in much detail, my ex husbands parental rights would override my will.

So the point in my long-winded post is has anyone successfully been through similar and any advice?

[ColaFreezePop]

How old are both your sons'?

[Loveagoodpaxo]

Boys are 6 and 8 x

[Firefliess]

I looked into it briefly but concluded it wasn't necessary and might have caused tensions to set up. You're right that your DH wouldn't have any automatic right to have the boys with him if you died, even with PR (though he could try to get residence via the courts, and the older the boys the more likely that would be) But the main reason I didn't bother is that PR of that I didn't find it was really necessary for anything day to day. Schools will communicate with parents and step parents alike with or without PR. It doesn't affect your relationship with the child. If you turn up at A&E with any child they will do what they need to do whilst you contact their parent. Dentists don't seem to care. The only thing DH possibly can't do is to take them to the GP. But that wasn't something I tended to ask him to do.

You don't say why you want PR for your DH. If there are some real solid practical advantages to it that might help you many the car to your ex (or a court)

[TrainspottingWelsh]

Yes, but to cut a long story short, there was ss involvement with dsds dm so the legal route was different and her dm has little contact or involvement with her.

I do think it's made a big difference. Most importantly from the pov that dsd had the mental security. Practically, I've lost track of how many things I've had to sign that have specified person with parental responsibility throughout secondary school, extra curricular etc. Dp works away so particularly handy for permission slips she forgot till the last minute. Plus in terms of health, not that dp would be bothered, but eg things like when she had period problems it was me, not her dad that she wanted to accompany her.

In terms of wills, yes they take dc's view into consideration, but the older they are the more likely a court is to follow it. With dsd that wasn't practically a concern, her dm would never have got it.

[Okapimum]

Loveagoodpaxo, did you apply for it? If so, did you get it? Similar situation here, just wondering whether your husband got it in the end.

[Okapimum]

@Loveagoodpaxo

[climbthathill129]

I think that's completely unnecessary.
He doesn't need parental responsibility of yours and ex husbands son.

Your son has his dad actively in his life. He is also lucky to have step dad that he obviously gets along with.

It isn't going to do your son any favours to have the confusion of you forcing this "3 parents" on him.

If anything happens to you, he should live with his dad. Or step dad & dad can have that discussion if they ever need to.

[Needtoseethatbiggerpicture]

I don’t think ex husband would want to do it mutually because his instant reaction would be that if their step dad is getting rights, so should his wife (aka their step mother)

well, he’s not wrong, is he? Your children are his children. If you don’t want his wife to have parental responsibility, why should it be any different for him?

My 8 year old is very switched on and says that if anything happens to me he wants to stay with his step dad

why on Earth are you having these conversations with an 8 year old? Have you been unwell?