Stepson wakes me up

(20 Posts)
creamcrackeredandknackered Thu 22-Aug-19 08:50:06

My 12yr old DSS knocks on our bedroom door every morning without fail to wake us up.
It doesn't matter what the time is but usually between 7am - 9am he will continually knock the door until one of us answers. When we do answer he will come in and give us a hug etc. I understand this is really lovely but I was just wondering if this is normal for a 12 year old boy to do? I remember myself at that age and I wouldn't dream of waking my parents before they were ready. His younger sister doesn't do it. She just gets up and potters about until she can hear either one of us. We are usually up by 9am anyway.
I work really hard and sometimes just really want a lie in but every weekend is the same with him waking us up for a hug etc.
Is this what 12 year olds do and I'm just tired and grumpy, or would I not be unreasonable to tell him to stop and we will let him know when we are awake and then he can come in? His Dad doesn't hear his knocking as he is a deep sleeper so it doesn't bother him 😩

OP’s posts: |
BrunettesDoItBetter Thu 22-Aug-19 08:53:55

At 12 your stepson shouldn't need to knock on your door for anything imo.Have you told him not to?

Lucylou321 Thu 22-Aug-19 09:09:32

Assuming he doesn't have special needs and is capable of getting his own breakfast? Then no he shouldn't be knocking on your door and needs to be told to leave you in peace until you are up.

666onmyhead Thu 22-Aug-19 09:11:10

Can you buy /print off /pinch from a hotel a'do not disturb' sign for your door handle maybe? Although maybe he just thinks 7am is the right time to get up and that laying in until 9am is a bit excessive? Who knows, but if this is normal for you, then you need to let him know nicely that if he can wait until after 9am that suits your routine better.

Butterymuffin Thu 22-Aug-19 09:12:14

Is he with you every weekend?

Maybe his dad could get up and have father-son time while you have a lie in.

DelphiniumBlue Thu 22-Aug-19 09:12:15

Is he feeling a bit insecure?

PuppyMonkey Thu 22-Aug-19 09:14:17

I’ve got a 12 year old and wouldn’t expect her to knock on my door in the morning unless there was some sort of issue that needed sorting there and then.confused


hormonesorDHbeingadick Thu 22-Aug-19 09:15:12

It sounds like it is fulfilling a need. I would try saving at weekends he can’t knock until x time. Also tell him you love hugs and he can have them anytime but he doesn’t need to knock every morning if he doesn’t want to. He may feel that he can’t just stop.

Ohflippineck Thu 22-Aug-19 09:16:02


Is he feeling a bit insecure?


pinkyredrose Thu 22-Aug-19 09:17:07

Tell him not to?

pinkyredrose Thu 22-Aug-19 09:17:56

Get earplugs and a wedge under the door.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 22-Aug-19 09:25:12

He’s well old enough to be told the earliest you’re willing to be disturbed, my DSC know not to come in until half 8 unless someone’s ill or the house is on fire. They don’t knock because they’re welcome to wander in if we’re in our room but they respect the morning quiet.

If your DH won’t tell him to stop you need to jab him hard in the ribs with your elbow every time to get him out of his “deep sleep” and let him do the hugging while you try to nod off again.

At ten my DSC likes lounging around so much these days we sometimes get him up for breakfast. If it wasn’t for the baby none of us would surface much before 11.

creamcrackeredandknackered Thu 22-Aug-19 09:34:23

Phew!! I'm glad I'm not the only one with this opinion. Thanks for your replies I'll be chatting with DP tonight so he can have a word and just make sure there aren't any underlying issues etc. Fingers crossed my weekends will be a lot more rested from now on 😊

OP’s posts: |
SandyY2K Thu 22-Aug-19 10:19:50

Is he actually wanting anything from you when he comes in?

The hugging at his age sounds rather unusual for a child without SN.

chocolatesaltyballs22 Thu 22-Aug-19 10:46:53

I have a 12 year old stepson and he wouldn't ever do this (unless his bed was on fire LOL!) He knows that our room is out of bounds. Get your DH to tell him to stop doing it. Tell him where the cereal is etc. He's not a small child, he shouldn't be waking you up.

creamcrackeredandknackered Thu 22-Aug-19 11:03:49

He doesn't want anything when he wakes us, just a hug and to say good morning. It was sweet when he was 5-6 but at 12 it's a tad annoying.
No SN just a sensitive young lad.
They aren't here every weekend as they stay during the week too but obviously on school days this isn't an issue.
I think because it's the holidays and they have been here the past 2.5 weeks it's started to bother me. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't the being unreasonable for thinking it's strange. They go back to their mums tomorrow so we will address the issue with him next time he's over.
Thanks again for the advice smile

OP’s posts: |
ajandjjmum Thu 22-Aug-19 11:09:13

Rather than making an issue of it, why don't you just comment next time he's over that you're looking forward to a lie-in, and jokingly say to him 'no knocking the door before 8.30 in the morning'?

Northernparent68 Wed 11-Sep-19 20:32:43

I’m surprised at the replies on this thread, can you really not just give him a hug? 7 am is nt that early

Haffdonga Wed 11-Sep-19 20:42:19

It sounds like an anxiety thing to me. Is he coming in to check you are there? Alive?
I'd talk to him, explain you're tired and want to stay asleep in the morning. (Talk through what he can/ can't do alone, for example getting breakfast, watching TV.) Then ask if he'd like you to leave the bedroom door open so he can see you but not wake you.

TwentyEight12 Wed 11-Sep-19 21:15:05

It’s personal choice isn’t it... some people don’t mind being woken up at whatever time and some do.

It’s really sweet he wants a hug 🤗 But as we all know, sometimes you don’t want to be woken up for a hug by anyone at 7am when you don’t need or plan to get up for another half an hour or hour.

It doesn’t mean anyone is being neglected or maltreated. It just means, this adult needs a bit more sleep smile

I used to have ants in my pants about getting my Mum up. Was there any real need? Nope, I just thought she should get up so would be especially nice to her with hugs and kisses... until one day she explained that she was tired and needed to catch up on her sleep smile

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