Stepson

[Lolipop44]

Hello,

I have a 13 year old stepson i have been with his dad for 11 years so stepson has never known life any different.

I adore my stepson he's lovely but lately he's telling lies not little white lies i mean dangerous lies that cause people alot of upset. Every time this has happened he's been caught out and punished ee have explained the seriousness of it over and over again but he is still doing it. My husband is devastated because this is not how he's been raised.

He has always been pretty spoilt which me my husband and his mom are guilty of and its like now he's older and doesn't get as much attention not because he's loved any less but because he's capable of doing more stuff himself so he lies to get attention for example said a teacher hit him and then accused someone of bullying him non of which were true. He lies about his dad who is such an amazing dad and it's heartbreaking at the minute because it's causing alot of trouble.

He's a great kid we are a close family we go out lovely places we go on nice holidays we eat together every night we watch movies together this is why it doesn't make sense because he gets all the love in the world from us and his mom.

His lies are getting worse and one day i fear he's going to get someone into serious trouble. He's always sorry swears it won't happen again but it does. He texts his mom saying stuff like his dads hit him and thats never happened she'll then question me about it and i tell her absolutely not its not true he'll also tell us his moms drunk and can't look after him in the past we've actually gone to her house where she's been completely sober (she's not a drinker) we all now never know what to believe with him we just don't know why he's doing it.

Anyone else been in this situation?

Thank you for taking the time to read any advice would be hugely appreciated

[MycatsaPirate]

Not really a step parenting issue, but just a child issue. I have no idea why he's doing it, except maybe there is something going on which he can't articulate but lies as a way of getting the attention he needs in the hope that someone works out why he's doing it.

Can you speak to school and maybe they have some sort of guidance counsellor who may be able to get it out of him why he is doing this?

I think all kids go through a phase of telling little lies but as parents we explain why it's wrong etc and that normally stops it. If this is persisting then clearly he has some sort of worry going on inside him that he feels afraid to tell.

[SandyY2K]

I second him getting some counselling.

Or perhaps his parents can talk to him about the danger of telling these lies and the consequences.

For example....he may one day be telling the truth about something, but nobody will believe him. The boy who cried wolf.

Or people will keep their distance from him for fear of accusations.

Does he get to spend one on one time with his dad? Does he have friends over?

[Lolipop44]

Thank you for your reply.

He has had counselling through the school after his accusation about the teacher hitting him but they didn't seem to think there was anything wrong and he seemed happy.

He's with us 5 nights a week and has been since he was 2 so he spends lots of time with his dad doing nice things whether it's making stuff in the garage playing football or playing fifa.

He struggles to keep friends and always has and it's down to lying but the friendships he does have we encourage and he does often bring his friends round. He is starting to get a couple of good friends now which is really good and he seems content with them.

He truly is a great kid in every other way he's helpful polite kind loving but then these lies come out of nowhere and cause so much trouble.

His mom is single so when he's with her he has her full attention. We all get along well his mom often comes for days out with us or round for BBQ's ect so there's no drama in his life (at least non we are aware of) the school say he seems happy there he usually plays football with the same kids.

We have told him for years about the boy who cried wolf and unfortunately it's made no difference.

[19lottie82]

These aren’t “white lies”, he needs some professional help.

[19lottie82]

Sorry I misread your post about them not being white lies. You really need to get to the bottom of this. He’s not a young child who doesn’t understand the consequences of his actions.

[MadMags]

The school counsellor mightn’t have picked up on something in their time together.

I would look into arranging more sessions, not through the school.

There must be a reason for this.

Weirdly enough, my nephew is the same age and tells lies but ridiculous ones that couldn’t possibly be true.

He has some mild SN, and his aren’t hurtful or dangerous. More like when 6 year olds tell each other increasingly wild stories to impress, if that makes sense?

These lies seem designed to hurt or cause trouble which at 13 he would understand. So I really do think professional help is needed.