Is it time to go?

[shushnow]

Been living together for 5 years, dss with us 24/7, in the last few years dss has got more difficult, though is dads favourite so gets away with more than i would, which is noticed by other dss and dss. I leave discipline to dh and we support each other, but tonight i feel completely undermined by dh. It was over something daft but dss hadn't done what he should, didn't get the answer he wanted from me so went to dh, who gave him what he wanted. This was after I'd explained what had happened, he went back again to dh and got what he wanted. So basically I feel what I say doesn't matter. So do I choose to just let it go and leave everything to dh even though I don't feel a lot is fair to other dss/ds or call it a day? I love him but can't see how it can move on :(

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

I think this is the difficulty of stepparenting a lot of the time. You put the effort in to make this child feel loved, welcome, and give them a stable environment which includes not spoiling them, and teaching them good behaviour.

But it can be thankless especially when the "you're not his real parent" gets thrown in your face.

I think you need to sit down with DH to try to understand how he sees you, does he consider you a parent, does he want you to be equal in setting rules etc?

(I have noticed by the way that stepdads are often portrayed as heros filling the gaps for errant fathers, and stepmothers controlling/trying to take position of mum etc).

[cappy123]

What were the circumstances? How old are the children? How involved is the mum? How strong is your relationship with your partner, could you talk do him or will he deny it all? Make a time to speak with him about this and say what you've said here. Discuss how you each see your involvement and come to an agreement. Flag up to him the split it's creating re the other kids. Even when things improve, there are always challenges, or things might worsen before improving. You'll get lots of comments here, maybe some harsh, but only you know what you can live with. Hopefully if you stay, it's because the joys outweigh the lows and you're not just tolerating things.