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Just for a change - yay for step mums

(7 Posts)
Becmum5 Tue 31-Jan-17 23:08:49

I'm a mum and a step mum. My ex has also remarried and gained a DSS.
Honestly I don't know what I'd do without his wife, my children's step mum. Not that he is not a great dad but it's a blessing to have her. For example last time we spoke as they dropped of the children; in passing I mentioned that my DS needed dark grey joggers! And for love nor money I could not find them in his size (one of those SOD laws deals)
Today she came through; she text me to say she was shopping in ASDA and she had seen a few pairs; sent me a photo and asked if I still needed them. Of course I said yes! It's silly things like that that mean the most to me. She was thinking about my child's needs.
How could any mother be upset with that?

When my DD gave her a hard time, just because she wanted too, and was being beyond difficult with them both, she stayed and just kept being understanding of DD emotions (and hormones)
I admire her dedication to my children
I'm thankful that she is mindful of my feelings.
It's not always been smooth sailing but we all worked hard at this co-parenting malarkey. And it's working! I'm so proud of that.

So to the step mums out there reading this post; I know it's hard and sometimes a thankless job at times, but your doing great.
There are some mums out there that appreciate all that you do for their kids.
Please take all the positive vibes you can from this and keep smiling.

Magda72 Tue 31-Jan-17 23:30:26

Such a great post 😊.
I too am a mum & my partner has 3 kids from his marriage.
From day 1 I worked with my exh's new partner regarding my kids, & while I told all three of my kids what while they didn't always have to love/like her they had to respect her as a person & respect the fact that their dads house was now her home. For her part when I explained to her that my kids needed some alone time with their dad she took this on board and respected their wishes. We are not bosom buddies - she was after all the OW - but we work together & as a result my kids are happy, secure & well adjusted.
On the flip side my partners exw hates the mere thought of me & has barred me from even being in the car when he drops his kids back to her & this has really affected his kids relationship with me as I have just backed off to avoid causing his kids & myself undue distress.
I really wish more adults could just get over themselves & move on. Blending families would be so much easier for all involved if more people had your open attitude.

CodyAndTheCups Wed 01-Feb-17 22:56:10

Magda your partners ex sounds like a nightmare but you sound lovely!
I'm a step mum (well soon to be, get married next month) and dps ex has made it so easy for me. I can't imagine letting my ds go and live with his daddy and another woman part of the week, it must be so hard but she has been nothing but welcoming to me! She even buys my ds (with dp) xmas and birthday presents because he is her dcs db. I have a huge amount of respect for her.

CodyAndTheCups Wed 01-Feb-17 22:57:30

Oh and her mum (dps ex mil) sent a card when my ds was born with money in it. That was so nice and appreciated!

Wdigin2this Thu 02-Feb-17 10:08:11

Magda his e/w cannot bar him from having a bloody elephant in HIS car when dropping kids off....if he so chooses! This is spiteful manipulation of your lives, and I would ignore it totally! What's she going to do if you turn up next time, refuse to take her kids back???
I suggest, your DP, sends her a text next time saying, that after dropping kids you are both going on somewhere else, and that you'll be in the car when he delivers the DC, whatever she thinks!!!!
I personally HATE these nasty, manipulative women who use their own DC to get back at an ex, life's turbulent enough for these kid, without bitchy mothers making it more difficult!!!! angry
OK, rant over!

CannotEvenDeal Sun 05-Feb-17 09:19:40

Although I like the sentiment of this post, I have to disagree with the generalisation that all us step mums are 'doing great'.

Yes, some of us show dedication and kindness but there are so many who resent their dsc and probably aren't very good at hiding it then wonder why the kids don't like, listen to or respect them hmm

Wakumalosa Sat 11-Feb-17 18:43:55

I highly appreciate all mum's and step mum's who work together. When you have this kind of relationship it becomes easier (not I did not say easy) to be a step parent. Big up to you and I adore how the the OW for her part. It does take two to tango and as long as you have mutual respect (which I fortunately have) life is bliss.

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