There's no point in even fighting it

(11 Posts)
HormonalHeap Wed 19-Oct-16 11:54:34

Just wondering whether others bother fighting against Disney parenting, or simply let them get on with it.

We pay mobile phone bills for all "children". Dss 22 is abroad, and last night i saw dh sending him a message making a joke of the fact dss has now been barred by phone company from going so far over his limit. No mention of dss taking responsibility, just "haha that's so funny!"

I guess my question is, how do you deal with the general frustration?wine?

Fourormore Wed 19-Oct-16 11:57:46

Is that paid out of a joint pot? If not, and it's a regular occurance, I'd be asking for split finances.

HormonalHeap Wed 19-Oct-16 14:05:48

No it's not a money issue as dh pays so I'm aware it's his choice; I'm more dismayed, as usual, that he's is so frightened to flag it up properly, and just wondering where it'll all end.

Dh paid a small fortune for a gap year elsewhere to where dss is now. The week before he was due to leave, he told dh he didn't fancy it. No mention of paying dh back a penny, so dh simply lost the money. The problem is, my children (not with dh) are aware of all this, and I do have to consider the lesson it teaches them.

Petal02 Wed 19-Oct-16 18:50:53

DH still pays DSS's phone bill, and he''s 22. DH was always a Disney parent, and it back-fired (I could never see such an intense, obsessive relationship working once DSS got older) and they rarely see each other now. But DH realised that the only way he can guarantee to have a current mobile number for DSS, thereby getting a few crumbs of contact, is to keep paying the bill,

It's quite sad really. They haven't seen each other in 6 months. But DSS answered one of DH's texts last week, sending DH into raptures of joy. The cynic in me suspects DSS has shown some very minimal interest in his dad because it's his (DSS's) birthday on Monday .....

Wdigin2this Wed 19-Oct-16 23:37:03

Oh dear, it never ends does it? And as Hormonal knows, I'm here to tell you that it gets transposed on to DGC too? My Disney DH, now cant say no to any of our DGC...mine or his!
So basically, I control things with my DGC, but just let him get on with it with his, and it's backfired on him a few times....not my problem!

Starryeyed16 Thu 20-Oct-16 07:13:35

My ex is a Disney dad the situation drives me mad because DS who's 8 used to come back with an attitude expecting us to stop what we are doing so we can take him out to be spoilt like his dad does trying to explain that kids don't normally get taken to the pictures out for meals every single week is hard especially as we have his dad saying we should. The annoying thing is his DF refused to go to the park down the road when we are together. He doesn't discipline and numberous times he's been naughty he's done nothing( his family have told me) They are due to have a baby soon, and he has promised DS they will still go out and do the same things, reading these boards I can see it might be an issue with his DW when she's constantly left at home when he plays Disney dad. I can understand your frustrations.

HormonalHeap Thu 20-Oct-16 10:12:58

Starry appreciate your sympathy; whilst I can imagine your ex wants to keep things as normal as possible for your ds, he isn't being realistic and shoring up countless problems, as you know:

Wdigin you mentioning your grandchildren never fails to raise my labels of anxiety as there's lots of scope there for that with us in the futuregrin.

We all want to cushion our kids from the realities of life, but when adult children use fear in the form of threatening to cut off their parent to ensure nothing changes- well that makes it even more unhealthy. Thank you all for letting me rant.

Petal02 Thu 20-Oct-16 10:15:29

I think the dynamics between a child and a NR parent are often really skewed.

Wdigin2this Thu 20-Oct-16 10:22:09

Starry you've hit the nail on the head there! The SM is probably already a little miffed if your EH spends most of each weekend entertaining his DS, going out and about. Possibly, she goes with them most of the time, (although that can eat up precious weekends if it's all the time) but once she's had her baby, I bet things will change...oh yes!
It's really too bad of your EH, to say you should be constantly taking your DS out more, he is a weekend fun time parent.....you have to live the real stuff! He should at least try to be in line with you as regards behaviour management!
It's nice that you, at least are willing to see this from the SM's point of view!

Wdigin2this Thu 20-Oct-16 10:27:08

Hormonal well there you go, if a full grown woman sees her DF as a cash cow....then it's odds on that her daughter will follow the pattern! And, by the way, we have rarely seen them this year....apart of course, from when they need something!
Petal I think you have it...spot on!

Starryeyed16 Thu 20-Oct-16 20:43:17

Wdifin2this I think they are in for a massive shock as they are used to just having DS on set days and coming as they please so I think it will be a big change. They will be taking 3month and DS aboard not something I would do with a new baby and older child. I remember my ex commenting to DS about me not be as available when I had my DD and DS2 but life goes on and there has so be some normality. Treats are treats not expected all the time but I guess time will tell in their case.

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