Hi from reading through the posts I no i'm not the only one with this problem. My partner is very supportive of me disciplining my step son my problem is that my Step Son's mummy allows him to do what he wants. He has no rules and is allowed to do what he wants and gets everything he wants. When he is in our house their is rules in place 90% of which are for his befit. The others are picking up after him self hes 9. My problem is when I tell him of for something he immediately goes home and tells his mummy who then in turn gets on the phone and gives out to my partner cause she thinks he should be allowed to do what he wants with no consensuses. An i'm always the bad person in my step sons eyes when I tell him of for something I no 90% of it is cause he is a wee boy but the other 10% is because its me. Cause he would never answer my partner back or speak to him the way he speaks to me. He lives with us one afternoon/ night a week and all weekend.
Well, strictly speaking, it's not your job to parent/dicipline him, but it's your home too, so I understand your need for rules, and order. But his DF should discipline him and you just back him up where necessary, after all why should you always have to be the bad guy?!
I had this with DSGD, every time she asked for/did something her parents wouldn't approve of, my DH would say......Oh Grandma says you can't have/do that. Its so unfair, and I get him to realise this for a while but then he slips back. I now tend to just say, If Grandpa says you can, go ahead.......and just let her eat chocolates, sweets and biscuits all day! If she's sick when she goes home, it's not my fault and I'll make sure they know that!
You need to step right back, let him do more of the hard stuff!
Just carry on as you are. When your SS is in your home you do have to act as a parent because you are one! You are not his mum, you are not his dad, but you are a step-*parent*. Disciplining a child comes with that duty.
Your partner doesn't have to answer those calls, perhaps try and rehearse some standard phrases that he can reply to her "Thanks for your opinion but we are happy with how things have been handled in our home"...etc.
Your SS feels he can answer back to you because you aren't his mum or dad. Your partner needs to take him aside on his own and tell him to show you respect and no answering back. You and your partner need to show a united front in from of him - hopefully that should help with his attitude.
Thanks for this think I will get my partner to talk to him. 90% of it's when my partners at work or not in the same room because my partner won't let him be cheeky to me and he makes him respect the rules which were put in place for his benefit. As I said he has the attitude I can do what he wants an get what he wants cause he's allowed to do it in his mums.
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