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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Step-parenting

AIBU?

20 replies

badgerread · 25/08/2016 09:28

Hi there

I have been with my partner for almost 4 years, we don't live together and we both have 2 DS's each, mine are 12 and 7, his are 13 and 11. My DS's are currently on holiday with their Dad. I was made redundant two weeks ago so have been at home making use of the time doing DIY round the house, looking for jobs and having a general clear out.

This week was my DP's week to have his children but because he didn't have enough holiday I agreed they and him could stay for the week. I'd have them for one day, they would be in a Kids Club two days (near me, I would take and collect them) and go to friends for the other two days.

Yesterday was day one in Kids Club, when I collected them they said it was a bit boring but that was it. DP comes home and they run outside complaining it was so boring and that they didn't want to go again. He was then hinting at me having them for the day today and I said I couldn't as I had plans and was using the time my boys were away and while I was off work to sort the house out. I said it was only one more day and that we all have to do things we don't want to do sometimes.... he kicked off and said that he would rather call in sick than send them again which also peed me off a bit as he never calls in sick, my Grandmother's funeral is on Friday and he didn't offer to call in sick for that.

I have had them all here since Monday night, cooked all the meals, made packed lunches, washing, taken his DS's out when I had them for the day Tuesday, while he has been working and turning up at 7pm.

It ended with me going out and asking him to leave as he'd peed me off so much..........

OP posts:

Report

Tiggeryoubastard · 25/08/2016 09:33

He sounds a knob but I don't understand why you'd expect him to ring in sick for your grandmas funeral.

badgerread · 25/08/2016 09:36

I didn't expect him to, but if he can call in sick because his boys don't want to go to Kid's Club I just wondered why wouldn't he suggest it for a funeral?

OP posts:

0dfod · 25/08/2016 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tiggeryoubastard · 25/08/2016 09:40

As I said, he sounds a knob, but that's irrelevant, I wouldn't expect him to even consider calling in sick for a funeral. Certainly not someone else's grandparent.

milkyface · 25/08/2016 09:43

YANBU.

im a step mum and often look after my step child when DP is not around, however he doesn't expect me to, I offer. He has asked possibly once. He certainly wouldn't kick off about 1 day in childcare.

Maybe he would enjoy the kids club, he sounds like a child.

As harsh as it sounds, you have plans and the kids aren't your responsibility.

If he wants to take a day off let him, but I'd be getting rid if I were you.

NoFuchsGiven · 25/08/2016 09:44

This sounds like a terrible situation, if he was not prepared to take holiday to look after his dc for the week he should have left them with their mum that week. He sounds entitled and ungrateful. He doesn't have any respect for you or the sacrifices you have made this week to look after his dc.

Sorry for your loss op, I would be upset too

badgerread · 25/08/2016 09:46

Thanks Odfod. As it stands this morning we are not together. I went out and asked him to leave which he did after a nasty text exchange.

It's just hard trying to blend families. Maybe I was resentful that I didn't have my boys but was still having to run around after him and his. He has his children 50% and it just seems to be a constant competition between him and his ex, I think he was worried they'd go back to their Mum and say they'd had a crap time and he would then get grief from her. He just seems to give into them. My DS's went last year and said it was a bit boring but I told them I didn't have a choice as I was working and I'd try and arrange an alternative for this year but unfortunately they'd have to go.

OP posts:

badgerread · 25/08/2016 09:48

Thanks NoFuchs. She was 96 but it was still unexpected....

Thanks Milky. I've never had time off to get things done and I wanted to do it all while my boys were away...

OP posts:

RandomMess · 25/08/2016 09:49

YANBU - kids club whether they like it or not is part and parcel of having working parents! It's one day, tough!

RandomMess · 25/08/2016 09:51

So chances are they could actually spend the day with their Mum instead but he just doesn't want that? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

badgerread · 25/08/2016 09:54

Random - she works too....she had them for a couple of weeks earlier in the holidays..

OP posts:

Dollyparton3 · 25/08/2016 14:19

I'd tell him to call in sick if I were you, then I'd wait for the dust to settle and have a chat about how his expectations changed from you helping out to him trying to leave you in charge of his kids for the week

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 25/08/2016 18:06

YANBU. It's not your problem if his kids are bored at holiday club. You have plans and why should you alter them? They'll just have to be bored for one more day.

thepurplehen · 25/08/2016 20:38

Yanbu

My dp wouldn't put his kids in any childcare when they were younger for fear of upsetting them.

It's ridiculous.

What if the kids were bored at yours, would he never bring them to yours again?!

Bored kids = normal.

MeridianB · 26/08/2016 12:33

When did it become a thing that children cannot ever be bored? And what they had stayed home from kids club with you and been bored then? What does he expect long summer holidays to involve?

YABNU, OP. Is this the first time he has asked you to look after them like this?

badgerread · 26/08/2016 12:49

Thanks everyone. I'm glad it wasn't just me that thought the way I did...

Meridian. He did 3 years ago and I remember thinking then I'll never do it again!! and I haven't. Until now..

OP posts:

OutToGetYou · 26/08/2016 12:51

I'd dump him for saying he would call in sick to look after them - that's fraud, I don't put up with that sort of nonsense.

My partner arranged a day off with his boss (in return for doing an overnight support and he took his laptop and worked in the car while I drove) for my grandmother's funeral. I don't get on with my parents so really didn't want to go on my own.

But anyway, yes, taking you for granted - my dp does this and it causes massive rows.

MeridianB · 26/08/2016 13:04

Would he look after your children if he was off work and didn't have his?

swingofthings · 26/08/2016 18:51

ha ha, what would he do if he had the kids not for one week but the 6 and they said they didn't want to go after a day? Take a sickie for 6 weeks! My kids had to go to holiday clubs, usually 4 weeks out of the 6 and they made do. Yes, it was often boring, but then as my son says being at home on his own now that he is older and can stay home alone, it is boring at home too after a few weeks.

His dad is making a big deal of nothing, however, if he wants to take a sickie to indulge them, that's his choice (and risk if caught).

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 26/08/2016 22:14

You are not being unreasonable at all. I've had similar and even the kids were a pain too. It's horrible being taken for granted. I went from being a single mum where at least I had some time in the holidays off, to never having time off from a kid being around... Drove me a little insane!

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