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Complicated can Step-dad adopt question.

(9 Posts)
bootytoots Mon 04-Jul-16 16:49:32

I don't really know how to explain this other than is there any way DP can become responsible (legally) for my DS(4 yrs) without taking responsibility away from myself or DS biodad?

Biodad is a bit of a shit and only has supervised visits. He does see him sometimes but hasn't grown up enough to start putting DS first. E.g. didn't visit DS on birthday even though we invited him out with us to celebrate at a theme park. Instead, he went out with his work mates and got trashed. He then told everyone I stop him seeing his son.

The issue we all now have is that DS see's DP as his dad. He does get on with his biodad to an extent but DS has always known DP as his caretaker and will go to him over anyone else (aside from maybe me) for things.
If anything were to happen to me, for the sake of my son, I would like DP to have some form of contact with DS even if he doesn't live with him. Does anyone have any advice on this? Is there anyway to give DP parental responsibility of some sort as well as myself and biodad so that DS has rights to access to all three of us no matter what happens? We have been together 3 years and living together as a family for 1 year. I am hoping that if something were to happen to me that we will have been living together long enough that they wouldn't move DS from his home but I am worried that as he isn't married to me and isn't a biological parent that he would have no say in what happens if I am not there.

GastonsPomPomWrath Mon 04-Jul-16 16:55:09

Yes, he can apply for parental responsibility through the courts.

GastonsPomPomWrath Mon 04-Jul-16 16:56:49

This should help.

TimeforaNNChange Sat 09-Jul-16 10:34:06

The law is very clear about contact with DCs.

Any adult who has lived with a child for over two years has the automatic right in law to apply for a family arrangements order in relation to that child. If a couple is married, the stepparent has the right to apply irrespective of the length of the marriage.
It's why my DH and I got married.

While applying for PR is a guarantee, your DP will have options to remain in your DS life should the worst happen even if he doesn't secure PR.

bootytoots Sat 23-Jul-16 21:07:55

Thank you so much. Time, thank you for your input especially as you have shown you did it so we should be able to. I will be showing this to DP to see which route he wants to take.

KittensandKnitting Mon 25-Jul-16 11:57:21

I'm really interested about this too and just posted on another thread, I thought in order to get a care arrangement you had to have PR first and in order to get PR you needed the authority of the NR-biological parent?

DP and I are getting married and in the same boat as the OP, only children's mother who doesn't see DC would never agree to handing over PR (never in a million years so toxic to the poor children let alone us) so we were going to re-evaluate after getting married.

DP is like you OP very worried (I too am very worried) that if something should happen to him DC would be uprooted for want of a better term - gosh just thinking about it makes me feel physically sick!

I would greatly appreciate you posting anything you discover as I haven't looked into this for a while and thought it was 3 years not 2.

Good luck with everything!

Beefles Mon 25-Jul-16 13:29:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KittensandKnitting Mon 25-Jul-16 14:50:06

We're not trying to take away PR from their mother, sorry if that didn't come over clearly, I see my choice of words in "handing" over implied otherwise sorry about that! not that she does anything for them anyway, she doesn't pay maintenance and has seen them for about two hours in two years, but that would never happen so it's very much about how I can be "added"

From what we understood is that for me to be "added" as another person with PR then she would have to give her consent which she never would. It may be different if your a step-mum rather than a step-dad, the law is firmly in favour of biological mothers wishes even if they happen to be absent/abandon their children - it's very unfair.

I think we shall have to look into it again once we are married smile just would be awful for them if something happened to their DF and then they were forced to leave our home on top of everything just awful.

KittensandKnitting Mon 25-Jul-16 14:53:24

My step-father and mother actually looked into him adopting me, I wanted him to be "offically" my dad when my brother came along smile as my father was less useful than a chocolate teapot, his only question was will I have to still pay maintenance when the answer was no he jumped at the chance... Lovely man that he was.

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