Money matters - how did you sort your property ownership?

[cappy123]

DH has a 15 yo daughter and he and her mum provide for her. I don't have children and we are part way through the adoption process. I have a substantial amount of cash from a property sale in pre-DH days, some of which (e.g. 30%) I've agreed to put into our first bought home (we're renting now). DH has no savings to contribute. DH earns about 50% more than me so that should help with mortgage repayments. But he may wish to contribute to his daughter's college / uni fees etc in the future too.

Talking effectively about £ is a weakness of ours. DH has not been great on £ mgmt and he sometimes gets defensive, whereas I'm a natural saver / investor and am the one who brings up the need for good money mgmt. I probably do so from a fear perspective (fear of unnecessary consumer debt), to which DH reacts and then round we go. When I'm matter of fact and non emotional, he tends to be on board. But sometimes I struggle knowing what to suggest and I feel like I'm floating ideas around and not being clear perhaps because I'm not well informed. Plus I want to make sure natural self protection doesn't stray into greed / unreasonableness. I will at some point get some legal advice having read the wills thread on here recently.

In the meantime, what arrangements could I consider that would be deemed fair? What have other people done? E.g if I stump up our 30% house deposit, should we pay the mortgage as per our salary proportions like now, or should DH pay even more? How do you sort your finances and account for your partner's, your own and your joint children? What about savings?

Could do with your insight. Thanks guys and gals.

[MsColouring]

House is technically mine as it was bought before dp came along with help from parents. It stays in my name because of dp's poor credit history. All income goes into one pot. I am the main earner because I contribute more but dp has hours that work around the children so we don't have to pay any childcare. Probably wouldn't work for everyone.

[Melonfool]

We are not married, he has one son (14) and I have no children.

He earns a bit more than me but we both earn well (though I work short contracts so if you take out when I'm not working the annual wage is less, but that is partly my choice (and partly cos he and the ex can't sort child care...)).

Are savings are like yours - I save, he doesn't. He got some money from the divorce/house equity and some from a later voluntary redundancy (and was straight to another job so didn't need to live off it).

We bought the house 50/50. I paid for my 50%, he didn't pay for all his. So, there is a mortgage (which is in joint names as the house is, so it has to be) which only he pays. I mither him constantly to bring the outstanding term down, bring down the interest rate (we've just gone onto a 5 year fix, hoping it'll be paid in that time, though the term is 9 years).

We own as tenants in common so each of us owns our actual share.

Because of this, we have life insurance on him which will pay the mortgage if he dies (as it is not my responsibility to pay for the bit of the house/his estate owns). We don't have any for me.

I have c£80k savings, he has c£0. Actually, that's not fair, he does have c£3k in an ISA and maybe £10k in premium bonds. But this wouldn't last long f he was out f work.

We both pay into the joint account, he pays more than me though we have not based this on our wage income but generally 50/50 but a bit more for him in the holiday line and the groceries line, due to his ds. There is also a savings line which is £650pm for short term savings (holidays, heating fuel, insurances, home improvements, Christmas) and £350 for long term savings. We've been doing this two years. Of that £350, £100 is for a JISA for his son which he hasn't got round to actually opening yet. But we now have got a small sum which we could live off for a few months if we needed to. He is amazed by this.

I reckon in two more years that will be our 'emergency fund' and we can start investing the new money in something more risky/with more return. Or stop paying it, keep it ourselves and put it in our own ISAs (no joint ISAs of course).

In theory this plan leaves him with more disposable than me but obviously he has massive incidental costs for ds (even after his maintenance is paid) and he's not great with money so I just leave him to it, while I quietly save.

We have a deed of trust so that if we split up the house will be dealt with in the way we agreed up front - i.e. he pays off any mortgage, or if he buys me out it is my full share, not a share of the remaining equity (i.e. that would be post mortgage, so I would get less than I put in, which is not the agreement). If the agreement wasn't there then it would look as if the mortgage gets paid first (which it always is anyway) and then we split the remains. But that's not how it will be done. The mortgage will be paid first, then I get my original 50% input, then he gets what he put in then we split any additional equity 50/50. Or we take any loss 50/50.

It is a bit of a minefield.

I think once you have children together it all changes anyway and it should be all in together. One if you will probably have reduced income for a while so the other should be putting up more money to cover that. Maybe you could agree to 'ring fence' the savings you went into the marriage with, or some of them, and then start afresh with equal contributions from there?

[amarmai]

money concerns are not going to get less as you progress with this relationship. Maybe rethink?

[cappy123]

@ amarmai, sorry rethink what? It's just about planning talking agreeing and executing our decisions. That's why I asked for insight and will get legal input too. For better for worse remember? I'm OK with money in general but can have poor lapses and it's DH who actually reigns me in at those times. Thanks other MNetters, I really appreciate your thoughts and may be back! x