Talk

Flip

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

Anyone here get blamed for everything that goes wrong in Step Family?

11 replies

K888 · 30/06/2015 15:13

I don't know if anyone else gets this?

I think I'm fairly normal person, and my step daughters (four of them) are all normal teenagers. None of us are really horrible individuals. It's tough all around. That is the deal I suppose.

But I feel like the punch bag for anything that goes wrong in the step family. Why is it always me?!

Apparently I am like 'two different people' - or I 'don't understand teenagers' or I am 'difficult to bond with', or 'I am interfering in private business'. Or I am in a 'strange mood'. All things my DSDs have said and taken by my OH as 'proof' that I am not compatible with his family.

When asked further - what exactly do you mean? It is always vague. I have been blamed for everything, from my eldest step daughter being asked to move out (nothing to do with me, her Dad's decision - and before I'd moved in) - until I think they all believe it!

Yet my own son, my own family, my friends, have never had these 'problems' with me! And if I stick up for myself I just get ignored. It's driven me mad!!

OP posts:

Report

FeelTheNoise · 30/06/2015 23:33

Hi again K888! Yes, I do get blamed. Apparently I'm mean, a bully, a control freak and nasty. It seems I'm worse with anything to do with my DS, my baby bump and my home. Funny that I just want to be the best parent I can, my way, in my home, horrible witch that I am!

Report

Tutt · 02/07/2015 19:09

Same here! Everything is my fault, I'm a bully etc as FTN said.
To the oint my 'D'H has asked me for a divorce because I won't allow his son to waltz into the lounge and turn the TV to anything he wants regardless of if we are watching anything! Caught his son bitvhing about me yet again in the week.
When his son stole £300 from my son 'D'H blamed my son!
I try to be the best parent too and everyone always says how lovely my DS is but apparently my child is the devils own and I am the worst parent ever, all said in front of his son ( who stands behind him grinning).
I'm out, life OP is far to short.

Report

AlpacaMyBags · 02/07/2015 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Husbanddoestheironing · 02/07/2015 19:29

The step-mother's place is usually in the wrong with teenage girls. It won't go on forever. At about 20ish they become human again and their other family almost irrelevant to you. But really it's about how your OH responds/what they say isn't it? If they are not behind you (some discussion, even if heated is understandable, but not if your opinion isn't considered too) then personally I would call it a day and move on somewhere you are valued.

Report

FeelTheNoise · 02/07/2015 21:26

Bloody hell Tutt I hope you give the horrible shit the divorce, bullying your son like that

Report

K888 · 02/07/2015 23:18

Thanks, I know it was just a complete rant, but I needed to get it off my chest. I just feel like the 'go to guy' for any problems.

Tutt that sounds really bad - that must have been demoralising!

And yes, I know it is my OH that ultimately takes on the blame of me on board - it's not like an overt thing either, which has made it harder. It just becomes a 'You don't love the girls or understand that I love them' thing - and I want to scream - 'Well it is kinda hard when I get the blame for everything!'.

He has moved out of the house (which is actually his so a bit awkward) - until we sort or don't sort it all out. But now I'm getting the blame for his kids not being able to spend all the time here! Can't win...

OP posts:

Report

swingofthings · 04/07/2015 08:40

I thought is was normal family dynamic for the woman head of the household to be blamed for everything. We make it a joke in my family as I can't count the 'it's your fault' any longer! I tell them that if they blame me for everything, it's because I am the only one who does everything!

Report

junebirthdaygirl · 04/07/2015 09:14

I agree with swingofthings . As a mom to teenagers they blamed me for everything . If their favourite jeans were lying in a mess on their floor somehow it was my fault they couldn't suddenly wear them right now. If they didn't arrive home for dinner in holidays three days in a row it was my fault they weren't in the pot on the fourth. It's bloody teenagers. They need someone to blame. Now mine are tiny bit older lm blamed for nothing so it will pass. Keep smiling but don't turn into a slave. Don't bother defending yourself and most of all don't get bitter as that will stay long after they stop blaming.

Report

FeelTheNoise · 04/07/2015 09:43

I didn't have this with DS though, and it's DPs whole family!

Report

Wdigin2this · 04/07/2015 12:35

Tutt, you need to get going....sharpish!

Report

K888 · 05/07/2015 01:12

Thanks all of you. I know, in a way I wish it was the 'normal' teenage kind where you get blamed but then they get over it, and you have other fun times, and my DP didn't side with them and start to wonder if we were compatible... sigh! I'm afraid I got the more dangerous simmering resentment form of blame...

Wdigin2this... and yes we have been living apart now for over a month! I think the last time me and DP talked he said it was 'irreconcilable differences'... sigh! :-/