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feeling heart broken over 3.5 year old sd

(2 Posts)
proudmummywife Wed 27-May-15 00:13:42

My sd and I have been close since she was a baby always wanted one on one time with me. I've always treated her equal to my two boys so she doesn't feel left out, lately she been saying things like I only love my mummy and next she be saying to me I love you so much. Then 'I want to go home' I'd say ok I'm take you home and she would snap no my daddy take me home.
When we had our baby she started crying after I said I loved her she said only my mummy and daddy love me you don't love me. Dh asked where she got this from she said her mummy told her.
last couple weeks her mum has had new baby and sd being cheeky to me and dictating who lifts her from her mum's and who leaves her home , I had to lift her while back as she wouldn't come with Dh. Then that stopped when she wouldn't come with me mum was heavily pregnant and her mum wanted me to force her but I said it wasn't my place so her mum said she will text xx (my Dh) Tell him lift her for now on as he would force her.
It's since then sd has been rude and talking back she don't like my house or my car (I have a lovely house lol)
Today she walked in I was so pleased to see her I gave big hello with my arms out she stared trough me then turned away spoke to my dad and my kids. I then asked her did she want some pizza she stared at me again wouldn't answer so I asked Dh to ask and she said yes to him. I wouldn't mind but she was so happy with everyone but blanked me. Later she asked her dad for drink he said no u had one so she asked me only reason she spoke to me and I said in wee minute she then raised her eyebrow tilted her head and with pure attitude said I only love my mummy. I don't know why she has started comparing us I never tried be her mum nor would I speak bad of her to child. it seems like she feels she betraying her mum by being nice to me she normally sits on my knee and wants lifted constantly to nearly hating me??
the question is do you think someone is putting it in her head or is it normal for loving 3.5 year old sd to turn on step mum?
Her mum and dad was a one night thing so she doesn't know mum and dad to be a family. She's only known me and her dad as a unit.

TheVeryHungryPreggo Wed 27-May-15 01:18:15

I can't speak for stepchildren but that actually sounds pretty normal for a child of that age to me... Preferring one parent to another, being vocal about "I only love mummy and not X" and insisting that daddy get her food/milk whatever.

Hang in there, remain a team, have your DH remind her that you love her too and that it's not nice to treat you like that and don't pay the demands too much attention. It doesn't sound to me like the mum is putting her up to it, it sounds more like the child is finding power in words and words can be hurtful - she's testing her powers inexpertly rather than calculatedly. And with the arrival of new siblings she is bound to be feeling more complicated negative emotions than she can really articulate. Stay kind and firm and loving - 3 is still very young. Remember as well that children that young only tend to lash out at adults they have a sense of security with. It's not much consolation but she is using you as an outlet for her frustrations because she knows you love her and will still be there for her.

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