Buying cards and presents on behalf of stepchildren

[kinkytoes]

Over the years I have instigated the card and present buying whenever it is DP's birthday, Christmas and father's day. At what age should I turn this over to my dss and is it something which happens naturally or do I need to have a chat with him? Obviously a present is not necessary but at least to think of getting a card without me having to be involved? Or is that too much to expect of a teenager

[HonestLie]

I'm 26 and my Mum still reminds me even though it's completely unnecessary. Why not just ask him the week before if he's got a card if he doesn't it will remind him to do so.

[wheresthelight]

guess it depends on how old he is.

my dss is 11 so still do it esp as he doesn't get "pocket money" as it goes into a bank account for him ready for car/house deposit etc. but once he has a part time job at 16 (he is desperate for one now so he can top up his car fund) then I will just nudge him to buy one himself

[loudarts]

I did it for dss until he left school and started working. Now he's an adult so it's up to him.

[purpleroses]

I would do it gradually - ie maybe give him a little money to chose something this year, next year (or whenever he next gets a pocket money rise) suggest he gets something out his own resources, then after that just remind him.

DH have several teens/pre-teens between us and they vary hugely in their ability to sort that sort of thing out for themselves.

[kinkytoes]

Thanks all for your advice

[HesNotAMessiah]

depends how considerate you think he is.

Three DSC, eldest 16 couldn't give a toss about anyone else execept herself and begrudges buying a card or present, begs DP's ex for cash for it then spends it on herself.

Middle daughter is the exact opposite, will make soemthing if she has no money, spend her birthday cash on presents and never asks for help.

Youngest, 12, boy, yeah whatever, or whoever can do it for him is fine.

[iwantgin]

I always bought DS a card for him to give to his dad on birthdays/fathers' day/xmas etc until he got to an age to buy his own. he is 16 now - and I still nudge him to sort it out, but it's his own responsiblity

As for the DSSs - well their mother bought theirs for a time to give to DH - but i think they source their own now.

I have never purchased cards/gifts on behalf of the DSSs.