This will be difficult to keep brief but I will try!
I've been with my partner 6 months. He is 51 and has a 6 year old son. I am mum to a 27 year old son who has flown the nest. I had him when I was 19. It is therefore a long time since I had a little one around. My partner is a wonderful and devoted father a kind and caring man who I cannot fault. His ex partner left him for another man whom she had another child with (who is now 2) and they moved 400 miles away taking my partners son which devastated him. She has since left the new man and moved back in with her parents and both kids. I have met the little boy and we get on great. I haven't met her but there haven't been any problems.
However, my partner treats his little boy like they are best mates, when he stays at his dad's he is allowed to stay up as long as he wants, he plays games on the play station which are totally inappropriate for his age by a long way such as call of duty! There are no rules or boundaries, no proper meal times, it's a nightmare! At the moment there is no bed for him as his room was being redecorated when his mum took him away and as she suddenly came back it wasn't ready. This hasn't taken any priority they just bunk in the same bed. I can clearly see that this child needs boundaries. When it gets late he says "can WE go to bed dad?" He won't go on his own and isn't made to do so. He ends up asleep on the sofa at midnight on a weekend. At his mums there are different rules and bed is at 7.30. When I try to discuss it the answer is always that he wants to spend as much time with him as he can, having fun and making him happy and that it won't be long before he doesn't want to spend time with his dad as he will want to be with his friends. It's exasperating and the only saving grace is that he's a gorgeous little boy who's mainly well behaved.
Issue number 2.......this is something which is more of a personal struggle for me and one that resulted in our first ever row at the weekend. My partner and his ex tolerate each other, she lives with her parents and they think the world of my partner. He gets two evenings off during the week which he spends with his son which I completely understand except that he has to spend this time at their house. Initially he said it was because his ex wouldn't allow him to take him home during the week but it has since come out that it's because he wasn't getting him to bed. Therefore I don't blame her! However, although I agree that it's great that they can all get on, they are still doing things together which leaves me not knowing where I can fit in. Her two year old has started calling him dad because he spends so much time there and his own dad is 400 miles away. He spent last Christmas with her, her parents, her then boyfriend and their baby so I was dreading what he was contemplating for this Christmas. He gave me a speech at the weekend about how Christmas is for kids and as far as he's concerned it is all about what his son wants and his son would want everyone together. I told him that when couples split up and make new relationships this isn't appropriate and what they should do is share Christmas and take it in turns. We ended up disagreeing and not resolving anything but I am very upset. Am I expected to be left at home alone every Christmas, birthday, Halloween and bonfire night etc until she meets another man and doesn't want him around? There is no issue at all of me mistrusting either of them it is not about that at all. If anything I suspect he is "babysitting" the 2 year old.
I'm sorry for such a long ramble and it's more a sounding off than anything. At the end of the day his faults are that he's so nice! I am torn between feeling cross and feeling guilty over "just a day" but where does it end?
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Step-parenting
Issues with partner's parenting
9 replies
Nixy17 · 12/11/2014 20:30
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