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Seriously fed up of dsd's mum

(11 Posts)
alita7 Mon 05-May-14 16:08:23

So I posted a thread about her not allowing them over on dps birthday when its today, the bank holiday following our weekend. All this restricting contact is driving us mad.

But we told them on Saturday about the new baby, that I'm pregnant with, and last night after they got home dp got a text saying- why are have you given them a picture of another baby brother or sister for fucks sake?
Well apart from anything else they asked to keep one of the pictures we had so we let them...

But I'm sure the issue is the baby not the picture- but anyway what right does she have to start mouthing off over him having a child? The kids were really excited about it, that's all that matters, yet now I can see more of a battle...

This is after we see pics of them posted on facebook where them and their siblings have had swear words (and pictures) drawn all over their faces with make up by her partners friend, with her commenting laughing.

Sorry just needed a vent because it makes me angry, especially if she is saying things to the kids about baby or me, they've said she's said bitchy things in front of them before so it wouldn't surprise me and I don't want their views being messed up by her saying bullshit.

prawnypoos Mon 05-May-14 16:41:55

She sounds like she is out to cause you grief. Ignore the silly cow. She sounds very jealous and very bitter. Involve the kids with the preperation for their new sibling. As them to make a list of things the new baby will need.

Is she over your ex? We had problems with my DPs ex ringing up crying saying that she 'couldn't cope' and that she didn't want her precious little poppet to be left out and if she was left out there would be repercussions from herself. Don't let her ruin this special time for you. Just remember that everything she is doing Is to provoke a reaction. If she was that bothered about the picture why didn't she ring you instead of text?? Keyboard warrior!

alita7 Mon 05-May-14 16:48:38

DSD 2 already decided to write me a list of things I need bless her :P

She's definitely over him- been split up 11 years and has been married for about 7 years.
But she has always been very bitter and likes using the kids as a weapon from what I can see...

I can't see the problem- if she has an issue with more kids then why did she and her husband have another one when they had 7 between them already and all of them living with them? She obviously sees why he'd want to have one with me as she had one with her husband...

alita7 Mon 05-May-14 21:40:01

We've also just been sent print screens of her facebook posts by dps dad (neither of us have her on fb) with her moaning that dp didn't tell her first so she could deal with their reactions... well she didn't tell dp when she was pregnant with her last one, she doesn't ever give dp info on school and medical things even when he asks unless it's homework she wants doing (fair enough for us to help with homework obviously). They never talk unless dp is asking for more contact or she is text shouting at him because dsd 1 is saying she wants to live with us... why should we have told her first? chances are she would have told them before we got the chance to!

And the only possible reason for them having a bad reaction is if she has started telling them lies about things- like that she won't get to see dp or the baby will take up all our time and attention. They were super excited with us asking to come baby shopping, talking about names, guessing the gender, grinning while listening to the heartbeat on my doppler... they aren't the sort of kids to pretend to be happy about something, they would have hinted they if they had any worries by asking those sorts of questions!

Things are slightly complicated by the fact that we haven't had the chance to tell dps parents so his dad is a bit confused about the post...

WeebleOfWombledon Mon 05-May-14 21:57:43

Don't let what she thinks or says spoil how you and DH feel about your pregnancy - it has nothing to do with her. Leave what she says run like water off a duck's back.

The only thing you'd possibly have to watch is her trying a scare tactic with the DSC about having another sibling. But as you say, they're excited and have accepted the news fine. Just keep an eye on them in case she is one who could get her claws in and cause doubt in their eyes, reassure them and make them feel as involved as you can.

Her reaction could just be one of shock. Maybe an email would have been better after you'd told the DSC just to give her time to digest the news herself - despite not being with your dp anymore and having other children herself it can still feel like massive news. Her children are going to have a sibling who has nothing to do with her.

I'm not sticking up for her btw, I'm just trying to point out how it could be on the other side. Equally she should have emailed your DH with her news so everyone can work together to reassure the children and let them know it's ok to be excited about the impeding arrival and help them deal with any issues or questions they may have.

alita7 Mon 05-May-14 22:10:16

I do see your point about texting her afterwards, but I'm sure there would have been a torrent of abuse anyway... It just seems she is hellbent on dp not being happy, as anyway she can, she will try to spoil things for him, the news for her seems to be happiness she can't control so she is doing anything she can- I don't know why she feels like this as according to dp she left him before she knew she was pregnant and the first he knew of her pregnancy was some kind of message with a scan pic of twins...

It just really bothers me that she has taken it upon herself to post this on facebook, so now however many people know before we've even told many of our friends and family because we were telling the kids before anyone who wasn't a very close friend (and I told a few people on my nursing course when I informed my tutor), I don't know how many mutual friends dp and her have but they will have seen...

I also didn't like some of the judgemental comments- 1 from another ex of his who is pregnant with her 4th child with the 3rd different father (none of them are his) so is in a similar situation to him. Why is it these peoples business!?

WeebleOfWombledon Mon 05-May-14 22:21:06

Unfortunately you'll never be able to control what other people think. It seems to be a common trend with many people to say something negative about their ex when they see they're happy or moving on. It can boil down to many things as to why they feel the need to do so. But more often than not it's either jealousy or simply because they are unhappy in their own relationship or with their current situation - so they try and use negativity to make themselves feel better.

Ignore all her comments and don't let her see if they're getting at you - it's exactly what she probably wants. Just enjoy your pregnancy with your DH and DSC. Seeing you not bothered by what she says will send her the message that you really couldn't care what she thinks on the new dynamic as long as it doesn't directly or indirectly affect the children.

CountryGal13 Mon 05-May-14 22:25:29

I can't believe she posted that on Facebook. What an attention seeking bitter woman she must be. It's awful but you can't control what she says to the children. Just keep doing what your doing and try to ignore her as best you can x

RandomMess Mon 05-May-14 22:25:38

She would have been a cow however you had done it. Ignore, detach detach detach.

I know, easier said than done!

wheresthelight Mon 05-May-14 22:25:49

Ignore her alita!!!' she sounds a psycho!

Whilst I probably would have given her a heads up just in case the kids reacted badly afterwards there is by no means a law that says you have to!!

Glad the kids are excited'' she is a bitter twisted hag hun! Rise above it and ignore her xxx

alita7 Mon 05-May-14 23:33:25

Thanks for the positive comments! Just all pregnantly hormonal so it's getting to me- luckily I can't see her page so I can't comment, I can only see the screen shots dps dad sent us.

I'm struggling with not being upset for the kids though, who probably are very confused about how they're supposed to feel now, and I'm so annoyed that it's on fb (though thankfully dp told me she doesn't know many people who know him after 11 years apart) before we've told everyone, especially as dps Dad has seen this and is now confused... he didn't ask dp if I was pregnant. We really had planned to tell the kids on friday/ saturday then tell his parents sunday, but we ended up going somewhere and didn't get the chance...

You have helped me feel better though, just don't want negativity for this baby!

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