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Apparently we should tone down the excitement about Christmas because DSD won't be here on Christmas morning (having loads of fun at her mum's)

(97 Posts)
needaholidaynow Wed 04-Dec-13 11:02:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Petal02 Thu 05-Dec-13 09:30:34

Alanna, your suggestion means the resident children have to compromise, but the step child doesn't. Which is the very situation the OP is trying to avoid.

Eliza22 Thu 05-Dec-13 13:53:15

WHY do we put up with this endless nonsense?

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 14:55:15

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needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 14:57:35

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Petal02 Thu 05-Dec-13 15:07:19

It sounds like they don't give a shit about the boys, TBH.

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 15:16:04

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Petal02 Thu 05-Dec-13 15:45:24

That's a very sad state of affairs for your boys. And yet people still seem to think that "first family" children get sidelined following a split. It really couldn't be further from the truth.

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 15:54:54

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catsmother Thu 05-Dec-13 18:57:02

They sound unhinged - certainly they're stupid.

It's bad enough to have had them whingeing on about "playing down" Xmas so SD doesn't get "upset" (really, would she ?) ... but to now have said that you "don't give a shit about SD" would have had me telling them to fuck right off if I was in your shoes. That remark is completely out of order.

NoBloodyMore Thu 05-Dec-13 19:05:07

I'm looking at this from the other side, my eldest DS is at his dads christmas morning this year, I have 2 younger DC who I wouldn't dream of making them wait until dinnertime when DS1 gets home to start their Christmas, I'll keep a few presents back for when he gets home, yes it's sad & I will miss him lots but that's not the younger DC fault & he'll be having fun at his dads

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 19:25:45

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AlyssInAManger Thu 05-Dec-13 19:38:28

I would suggest opening most of the presents first, but saving some for the rest of your family to open alongside her when she arrives.

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 05-Dec-13 19:47:41

Well done for speaking up Needa. Sorry your BiL is such a psycho. Does this mean that you never have to speak to him again?

WitchOfEndor Thu 05-Dec-13 19:55:01

Suggest that DSD holds off on opening any presents too, and brings them all to yours so all the children can open them together. They can't argue with that can they? It wouldn't be fair otherwise.

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 19:57:08

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Mishmashofstyles Thu 05-Dec-13 20:04:25

I would've thought the children would enjoy it more opening presents all together.
Some families only open presents in the afternoon. Why would it be so awful?
I don't really see why it has to be such a big deal.

Mishmashofstyles Thu 05-Dec-13 20:05:36

We used to open presents in the evening when GPs came. It was fine.

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 05-Dec-13 20:08:14

I'm sure the children would enjoy opening their presents together Mishmash, but DSD isn't goung to be there until much later in the day and I doubt that the children may not enjoy having to put their Christmas on hold until she gets there.

TalkativeJim Thu 05-Dec-13 20:08:56

I suggest you have a very serious conversation with your DH, and point out to him that:

- your DSD is a lovely girl and is happy with things as they are;
- your boys, her brothers, are lovely boys and happy with things as they are;
- there will always be two family groups to consider, so this situation will not change;
- and whereas everyone else seems to realise this and gets on with it, the fly in the ointment is your DH's family who seem hell-bent on not only spoiling your Christmas, but also your DSD's (are they whipping her up into thinking she's missing out because the boys will actually want to celebrate Christmas day too?!), and for good measure trying to stir up trouble between the siblings!

Recipe for everyone to be happy at Christmas? Avoid these toxic grandparents/uncles etc. like the plague. Ask your DH if he wants all his children to grow up loving and supporting one another, or if he wants jealousies and resentments to grow? If the former, there's one group of people he wants to cut out RIGHT NOW.

Don't back down and go there Boxing Day - keep all the children away from them.

Only1scoop Thu 05-Dec-13 20:10:20

He sounds delightfulhmm
What an absolute load of nonsense enjoy every Christmassy minute with your dc.

OddBoots Thu 05-Dec-13 20:13:00

There is no doubt that your inlaws are being unreasonable but in your place I would divide gifts between morning and evening, then all children would be opening some apart and some together - for the sake of your boys too.

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 20:15:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Thu 05-Dec-13 20:18:33

Present opening and when is not the issue here. The fact is this child is being offered as a princess and no one else can be happy unless she is there.

It is irrelevant what other people have done. This is one family where things are difficult with precious daughter's, immature BIL and a father who can't get his head around ALL his children being equal.

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 20:20:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OddBoots Thu 05-Dec-13 20:23:13

I think my passive-aggressive side would come out in your shoes then and every time I mentioned Christmas I would have to pointedly say 'while dsd is having a great time in the morning unwrapping her presents with her mum...'.

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