Apparently we should tone down the excitement about Christmas because DSD won't be here on Christmas morning (having loads of fun at her mum's)

(97 Posts)
needaholidaynow Wed 04-Dec-13 11:02:07

So on Christmas morning DSD will be at her mum's this year. Apparently we should hide our excitement for the boys' because their sister won't be here until the evening.

I put a thread on here a couple of weeks ago a out how BIL asked if we were going to wait until DSD gets here in the evening for the boys to open their Christmas presents. I thought this was ridiculous as DSD will be having fun at her mum's opening presents and experiencing the magic of Christmas whilst the boys sit here on their hands waiting for her grand arrival.

Since then I have been talking about how excited I am to see their faces on Christmas morning and its going to be so special seeing them together. Every time I mention it though the in laws throw something negative at me. "Oh it's a shame DsD won't be there though". "You cant possibly enjoy it fully as there'll be a person missing.", "Don't show your excitement in front of DsD or she'll be upset you're starting without her."

I could absolutely throttle them sometimes!! It's not my boys' fault that their sister won't be here every year! I told MIL that I still need to make it magical and exciting for the boys and can't pretend Christmas isn't happening.


Petal02 Thu 05-Dec-13 09:30:34

Alanna, your suggestion means the resident children have to compromise, but the step child doesn't. Which is the very situation the OP is trying to avoid.

Eliza22 Thu 05-Dec-13 13:53:15

WHY do we put up with this endless nonsense?

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 14:55:15

They've been at it again!!

As long as the boys are ok then we don't give a shit about DSD.

I could scream I really really could. Please tell me I'm not going insane!!

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 14:57:35

Re above post. DSD will be at her mum's having fun and opening her presents. Therefore if the boys get to do the same we don't give a shit about DSD. angry

Petal02 Thu 05-Dec-13 15:07:19

It sounds like they don't give a shit about the boys, TBH.

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 15:16:04

They don't Petal. You may have seen all of my threads over the past year about them. They are toxic.

Petal02 Thu 05-Dec-13 15:45:24

That's a very sad state of affairs for your boys. And yet people still seem to think that "first family" children get sidelined following a split. It really couldn't be further from the truth.

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 15:54:54

It's sad but I do continue to stick up for them so they know I'll always be there to fight their corner smile They've got my family as well, especially my dad. He would be heartbroken if he knew what DP's family have been saying. He treats DSD like a granddaughter but he knows that it would be very very wrong to make the boys wait to open their presents as all children regardless of their family set up should get to enjoy Christmas. My DP's family would really mess these boys up if I let them.

catsmother Thu 05-Dec-13 18:57:02

They sound unhinged - certainly they're stupid.

It's bad enough to have had them whingeing on about "playing down" Xmas so SD doesn't get "upset" (really, would she ?) ... but to now have said that you "don't give a shit about SD" would have had me telling them to fuck right off if I was in your shoes. That remark is completely out of order.

NoBloodyMore Thu 05-Dec-13 19:05:07

I'm looking at this from the other side, my eldest DS is at his dads christmas morning this year, I have 2 younger DC who I wouldn't dream of making them wait until dinnertime when DS1 gets home to start their Christmas, I'll keep a few presents back for when he gets home, yes it's sad & I will miss him lots but that's not the younger DC fault & he'll be having fun at his dads

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 19:25:45

Well I've just had it out with the crazy BIL. He said that DSD is part of our family, which she IS and wouldn't have it any other way. But I told him that he can't just expect the boys on pause when DSD isn't there. I told him that he mustn't care about the boys that much if he thinks they shouldn't be allowed to be happy and have fun not only at Christmas but all year round, even on the days when DSD isn't here. so I told him not to bother going near the boys and filling their heads with shit when they start to understand.

He told me to go and fuck myself and that me, DP and the boys can drop dead.

AlyssInAManger Thu 05-Dec-13 19:38:28

I would suggest opening most of the presents first, but saving some for the rest of your family to open alongside her when she arrives.

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 05-Dec-13 19:47:41

Well done for speaking up Needa. Sorry your BiL is such a psycho. Does this mean that you never have to speak to him again?

WitchOfEndor Thu 05-Dec-13 19:55:01

Suggest that DSD holds off on opening any presents too, and brings them all to yours so all the children can open them together. They can't argue with that can they? It wouldn't be fair otherwise.

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 19:57:08

Absolutely! I've told him to stay the F away from us. We aren't going to see DP's family on Boxing Day either.

Mishmashofstyles Thu 05-Dec-13 20:04:25

I would've thought the children would enjoy it more opening presents all together.
Some families only open presents in the afternoon. Why would it be so awful?
I don't really see why it has to be such a big deal.

Mishmashofstyles Thu 05-Dec-13 20:05:36

We used to open presents in the evening when GPs came. It was fine.

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 05-Dec-13 20:08:14

I'm sure the children would enjoy opening their presents together Mishmash, but DSD isn't goung to be there until much later in the day and I doubt that the children may not enjoy having to put their Christmas on hold until she gets there.

TalkativeJim Thu 05-Dec-13 20:08:56

I suggest you have a very serious conversation with your DH, and point out to him that:

- your DSD is a lovely girl and is happy with things as they are;
- your boys, her brothers, are lovely boys and happy with things as they are;
- there will always be two family groups to consider, so this situation will not change;
- and whereas everyone else seems to realise this and gets on with it, the fly in the ointment is your DH's family who seem hell-bent on not only spoiling your Christmas, but also your DSD's (are they whipping her up into thinking she's missing out because the boys will actually want to celebrate Christmas day too?!), and for good measure trying to stir up trouble between the siblings!

Recipe for everyone to be happy at Christmas? Avoid these toxic grandparents/uncles etc. like the plague. Ask your DH if he wants all his children to grow up loving and supporting one another, or if he wants jealousies and resentments to grow? If the former, there's one group of people he wants to cut out RIGHT NOW.

Don't back down and go there Boxing Day - keep all the children away from them.

Only1scoop Thu 05-Dec-13 20:10:20

He sounds delightfulhmm
What an absolute load of nonsense enjoy every Christmassy minute with your dc.

OddBoots Thu 05-Dec-13 20:13:00

There is no doubt that your inlaws are being unreasonable but in your place I would divide gifts between morning and evening, then all children would be opening some apart and some together - for the sake of your boys too.

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 20:15:11

Mishmash Because my children shouldn't have to wait all day for their sister, who will be opening presents elsewhere. If she shouldn't have to wait every other year then why should my children?

We're talking about Christmas morning for two children here. One who understands it and I really want it to be special and exciting for him. Not have the politics of "second family" rules hanging over his head every other year. That's not fair.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Thu 05-Dec-13 20:18:33

Present opening and when is not the issue here. The fact is this child is being offered as a princess and no one else can be happy unless she is there.

It is irrelevant what other people have done. This is one family where things are difficult with precious daughter's, immature BIL and a father who can't get his head around ALL his children being equal.

needaholidaynow Thu 05-Dec-13 20:20:52

I will keeping some aside for when DSD comes, but the majority the boys will open on Christmas morning.

OddBoots Thu 05-Dec-13 20:23:13

I think my passive-aggressive side would come out in your shoes then and every time I mentioned Christmas I would have to pointedly say 'while dsd is having a great time in the morning unwrapping her presents with her mum...'.

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