Hi all ... am new to this site ... started reading a few posts on this topic and decided to join .... anyway I digress :-(
Looking for advice really and all opinions would be gratefully appreciated ...
I am in a 3 year relationship .. I have a 13 year old daughter from my marriage who sees her dad regualarly , it isnt fixed nights each week ... my ex is very good and usually has her mainly when I work .. just to add I work permanent nght shft .. this arrangement suits both myself and my ex and has worked for a number of years. My partner has 2 children also. They are 9 and 7 now and spend every saturday night once a fortnight with us. Just to add they are wonderful kids and I like to think I have built up quite a good relationship with them over the last 3 years.
My main issue really is my other half tbh :-(. He is rather passive and very single minded at times ... my daughter lives with us ... he rarely involves himself in disciplining her and the main upbringing is left to myself. I realise that is a very grey area where step parenting is concerned ... but i personally feel that as an adult figure in her life I would like him to be more involved. To add to the situation when his kids come over I enjoy being fully involved and spending time with them. They rarely other then the youngests (7 yr old girl) planned weekend activity have quality time with their dad. He tends to bring them in, put the tv or xbox on (the oldest 9 loves playing age appropriate xbox games) and my partner switches his computer on and this tends to be the scenario for the rest of the weekend. We live in what was originally my own 2 bedroom house and my partner moved in after a year of being together. I would like to emphasise at this point that I view what was originally my house as OUR home. Space is very tight .. sadly we do not have another bedroom that my partners kids can call their own and finances are too tight to consider upsizing :-(. The weekends my partners kids are over can be very stressful. They are great kids but they become very bored. Their dad very rarely plans activities with them. It becomes even more of a problem when I work night on the weekends they are over. I try to avoid doing that as getting sleep is very difficult as my partner doesnt take them out and being in a small house I get woken up frequently which I want to add I am not in any way blaming the little ones for.
Sadly the same scenario is happening again this weekend. I feel selfish asking my partner to take the children out and am being made to feel bad and unreasonable. To add to the mix we dont get much time together as a couple due to work patterns, access and contact arrangements and day to day busy lives. I am not asking him to not see his kids on the weekends I work .. but to simply work together as a team and support each other. I feel as well that the weekends that his kids are over I do nothing but cook, clean, watch cartoons, sit through endless xbox games and generally feel very unappreciated. I do love in all honesty sitting with the kids and spending quality time with them > i know I am not their mum and certainly never try to take over that role. I just feel my partner is very passive, a little lazy and at times single minded.
I apologize for the long winded post especially as it is is my first one !! All advice and opinions are very much appreciated ... and yes I know I already said that
Thank you all :-) !!!
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.
Step-parenting
Rant: any advice would be much appreciated
9 replies
collsywolls74 · 08/11/2013 13:17
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.