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Should I make the first move?

3 replies

tiredtoday · 06/10/2013 21:53

had an argument with my DSS the other night, it started with me trying to do something nice for him, and ended with him telling me to F'off, and him storming off.

background. .. We normally get on well, but suddenly now when I'm asking him to do more around the house etc, it's causing friction. He is 17 and lives with us full time.

He has been working daily since the argument, or at his friends, and not been talking to me at all. He is suppose to be going on holiday with his dad this weekend, and im really not happy with putting out hard earned money towards this with his current attitude, and without an apology from him.

I know in the adult, but I really don't want to speak to him before I've had an apology, should I?

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fairy1303 · 06/10/2013 22:17

Hmm. Difficult.

I don't have much experience with teens, but my instinct is saying that you make the first move -

Something like, I can understand you were angry the other day, but I don't appreciate you speaking to me like that. I was upset and hurt because I thought we were having a nice time...

I would really like to put this behind us and move on...

I don't know.

I'm inclined to say that it is a normal teenage reaction to being made slightly upset by something very small (remembering my own teens!)

Make it clear that there are better ways of communicating and you aren't happy with it and move on I think.

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ChinaCupsandSaucers · 07/10/2013 20:12

He is suppose to be going on holiday with his dad this weekend

If my DD told my DP to f-off, there would be no holiday for a start - good grief, she'd think the world as she knew it had ended! I'd be expecting, at the very least, an apology to you - until which time, there would be 'boot-camp' style discipline; grounded, chores etc etc. ONCE an apology was forthcoming, then there would be a three-way conversation regarding a suitable consequence.

What is your DP doing about this?

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tiredtoday · 08/10/2013 00:11

DH is with me on this one. We are waiting for an apology from him. . giving him a few days to give one on his own, and if he doesn't then will have strong words with him. ..I am not prepared to be sworn at ever.

He is just walking round now like nothing has happened. . can't believe he thinks he can just speak to me like that and then carry on as normal. Am missing our normal chats tho