For those of you with experience of family court

[Needalegaleagle]

Hi there, I've posted this in legal as well although I thought I would ask in here as well, as I know some of you have unfortunately had experience of court.

We have a final hearing soon for child contact. (Ex took me to court as he wants to change current arrangements)

We exchanged statements recently and I almost dropped dead when I read the lies. I can't get hold of my sol ( don't get me started on that) to talk about it and I've not slept since. Ex has written loads of lies of instances where I've withheld contact/changed it at short notice/keep him away from the school/took her abroad without telling him etc.

I have loads and loads of texted messages that could disprove so much ( but not all) of what he says, but my question is...can I submit new evidence now that I've already submitted my statement?

I'm worried sick he will just be able to sit there while his barrister accused me of all sorts. Ex has painted a terrible picture of me in the statement while going on and on and on about his family life and how perfect it is. He mentions his wife for example 17 times in the statement and how wonderful she is with dd, the things she teaches dd, how dd loves her etc.He doesn't give me my name even once ( refers to me as 'The Mother')

Please can someone tell me what I can do about the lies? Can I take my phone into the court room so the judge can look at it? Shall I print out the texts and emails? ( some of his lies are outrageous, saying I denied him access on xyz occasions and yet ive texts proving she was with him on those dates )

Thanks in advance

[Xalla]

Sorry I don't know all the answers but I suggest reposting in the Families Need Fathers forums - they're excellent for legal advice.

I do know yes, you should print out the texts and emails. Do you have a Cafcass officer appointed to your case? You can show him / her your evidence too. It sounds like your ex places little value on your status as your DD's mother. Cafcass / the court won't like that.

[Needalegaleagle]

Thanks xalia

He really doesn't rate me as a mother and I admit that we've had loads of verbal and texting spats about that. If he showed those texts to the court I probably wouldn't look great but I was/am so frustrated at being sidelined.

I will print everything I have. Worried sick to be honest. Cafcass aren't involved as there are no welfare concerns.

[Xalla]

What kind of contact does he have and what does he want?

I don't know if you've heard of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) but if he's not supportive of your role as her Mum in front of her then that IS a welfare concern the courts would take seriously.

Again, I'm not really an expert on this but my DH got / gets lots of help from the FNF website. They do a downloadable leaflet on PAS too.

I think Disney is quite informed about PAS and has experience through her DP's battle for contact. Hopefully she can give you some better advice.

[Needalegaleagle]

Thanks again. I'm a regular on here but have namechanged as don't want to give too much away in case he is on here.
He wants 3 weekends in 4, and I've proposed EOW, for fairness, so he has taken me through the courts and have spent 8k defending myself. Nightmare.

As for PAS, that's interesting but prob too late to bring it up given that we have submitted final statements?

[Xalla]

Again no idea I'm afraid! 3 weekends out of 4 seems a lot though, esp if you're working.

[Needalegaleagle]

Yes I work full time. I just hope the judge will let me show him the proof I have to rebuff his allegations, because otherwise I'm stuffed. His statement does a VERY good job of showing me in a bad light and him being 'desperately sad' about my behaviour. It's quite measured, in the sense that it isn't ranty, but god it's full of lies.:/

[FrauMoose]

Not an expert but Spouse works in this field. The court has to decide what is in your child's best interests, so there might be more mileage in stressing all the positives in your relationship with the child and your care of her. How she's healthy, happy, doing well at school, the things you do together - what you do at weekends, the activities you have and the friends she sees at your home. You are concerned that the application for more weekend contact by your ex - however much he and his new partner would like to see more of her - would not be in your child's best interests.

Your solicitor will advise re the status of the texts etc. If this stuff is used in court I imagine it might be important to make clear that getting heated in difficult conversations with an ex over contact is - of course - a separate issue from the quality of your relationship with your daughter.

[Needalegaleagle]

Thanks Frau, my sol has now got back to me and said we can take it all in on the day.

[Sleepyk]

I went through absolute hell with my ex....the important thing is to stand your ground, calmly but firmly, if your ex is lying then he has no proof so you have the truth on your side. Judges have probably heard it all before and can tell if someone is telling the truth or not. Be strong for your child, if you have been reasonable then point this out (even if you haven't been asked). Say you have plenty of messages on your phone which you would be happy for the judge/solicitors to look through. If you havent done anything wrong then look the judge in the eye and say so. Its your word against his just maintain the point that you have tried to be reasonable and you just want whats best.

[startlife]

How old is your dd? Have you had court hearings before? Are CAFCASS involved?
In my experience the "she said, he said" wasn't discussed in court.

Typically judges recognise that if it's got to the court stage it's likely that the mum & dad have 2 different views. If the dad is asking to vary current arrangements i.e EOW to 3 out of 4, then he will need a very good reason to justify that and I think it's unlikely that he will awarded extra contact.

If you have enabled reasonable access in the past (and his statement says that his dd has a good relationships with him and his new wife) so I'm guessing you must have been reasonable then court will not be too scary.

If the issue is 'just' extra access and no parental concerns it's unlikely that CAFCASS will be involved. It's CAFCASS that looks into the detail. i.e text msgs that show you have prevented access. They would then write a report for the judge which would be presented at the next hearing.

[dotcomlovenest]

Re the statement you can't really do anything about what he says except refute it in your own statement.
The judge is not really intrested in finger pointing as it is his word against yours.
They will only address possible issues of safety etc.
It will mostly be hashed out by barristers before hand to reach an agreement.
I know it is hard to stomach but honestly the court really doesn't pay attention to them.
Coming from court today.
Have you got representation?

[Needalegaleagle]

Hi yes I have representation, also hired a barrister today who told me to print off whatever extra evidence I have to refute his allegations. He said he wants them to hand in case the judge wants to see them.
As far as sorting it out beforehand goes, I just can't see that happening as we have had a first directions hearing and a review hearing before this and my ex just would not budge.
There are no welfare concerns.

Part of me at this stage wants it to go before the judge as I have spend so much time money and stress being dragged through the courts and pleading with him to reason with me, that I kind of want it to reach its natural end. It might also put him off doing it again?

The barrister thinks there is a good chance he won't get what be asks for but I want to reserve elation until the day - you just can't tell, can you?:/

[dotcomlovenest]

Your barrister has to be realistic. So if he is saying you will be good then that is probably the truth.
Can I suggest That you are willing to give a bit before the next hearing as it will look better before the judge. So say he wants 50/50 offer him 2 nights every other weekend and some after school contact during the week he doesn't have them (for example)
What is it he wants exactly?
Judges usually like to uphold the status quo so what was contact before this.
Hope you haven't stopped contact as that won't do you a lot of favours.

[nicknamegame]

Dotcom- there's been an update posted recently under 'shared residency order'

And no, I haven't/hadn't stopped contact...bit of an assumption to make there!